One of the many vast entertainment conglomerates I write for (sniff, teeth-suck, exhale and groan of smugness) happens to be "The Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw" show on KGB, the top radio morning show in San Diego and Temecula, and they were playing a game of "I kicked my own ass."
Callers described how they injured themselves in various funny ways. The deserved winner was a guy at a big club in New York who saw a cool guy and gave him a thumbs up. When the guy returned the thumbs up, he decided to counter with a running high five. To his delight, the guy immediately decided to return his running high five. It turns out he ran full speed into a mirror and knocked himself out.
That's pretty good. Better than mine, but here was mine:
Lex Kicks His Own Ass
My then-brand-new-wife and I were entertaining many guests –including my brand-new mother-in-law - at our townhouse in La Jolla colony. The party was jumping and I didn’t want it to stop when the CD player started to skip. I was on the top level of a split-level living room, and the CD player was on the lower level. Being the spry gent that I am, I took off running for the five or so stairs down and I must have been traveling a tad faster than I thought, because I hit the overhang dead-on with my forehead. My feet flew up higher than my head and I landed flush on my back on the floor with a window-rattling thud.
The best part? I got up all Pee-Wee-Herman “I meant to do that” like and changed the CD as if nothing happened. Everyone was laughing so hard practically the entire party was writhing on the ground with tears streaming down their faces – including my new wife and my new mother-in-law. By the time I got another drink – because I really needed it – I had a knot on my forehead the size of a hard-boiled egg. The overhang that I hit with my head had a dent in the reinforced metal panel also about the size of a hard-boiled egg.
They say god looks out for fools and drunks. He pulled double duty with me on this one, Slats and Nugs.
We kid the ex-prez
Here is wishing Bill Clinton good luck and good health. We love to kid the ex-prez here at "A Little Bit Bad" but we kid because we care. As you've probably heard, Clinton is going in for heart by-pass surgery. Or as Dick Cheney calls that: Fridays.
We here at “A Little Bit Bad” would like to point out that there is absolutely no truth to the ugly, and, quite frankly, mean-spirited rumor that Hilary has slipped the surgeon a hundred to have Clinton neutered as long as he is out.
This just in:
Coffins are available at Costco. Is this a great country or what? Now people shopping for ten-pound boxes of cereal can shop along with serial killers.