Is you is or is you ain’t my baby, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
Somebody needs to work on playing well with others
*In Melbourne, Russell Crowe got in a fight with his bodyguard. Let me tell you something, if you get in a fight with the one guy whose job is to keep you from getting beat up, you may have some issues with people skills.
Last call
*Last night at the Republican convention, Jenna and Barbara Bush put on a duel comedy club routine. Except the Bush twins were the ones with the two-drink minimum.
Sort of
*You have to admit, it took guts for the Republicans to hold their convention in the democratic stronghold of Manhattan. That’s like opening up a Hooter’s restaurant in Najaf.
Costco Deep Sleep 2000
*Cost Co is selling discount caskets. Who is this for, really cheap vampires?
Cost Co is selling discount caskets. That’s stupid. The fun of buying things at Costco is later bragging to people what a great deal you got. You can’t do that after you’re dead.
How does that work, when you buy a casket from Costco, do you put on your gravestone, “Guess how much I paid for this casket?”
That might be a fun prank to scare your wife: Come home from Costco with a ten-gallon drum of rat poison, a casket and a case of Champagne.
How does that work? “Get in the car, honey, I need some thirty tube socks, a ten-gallon jar of peanut butter, and, what was that other thing? Oh yeah, a coffin.”
I’ll be back . . . and back, and back, and back
*Did you see Arnold Schwarzenegger’s speech? It was very historic. Arnold officially broke Ronald Reagan’s speech world record for quoting your own old movie lines.
The Deion lights of Broadway
*Retired cornerback Deion Sanders signed a one-year contract with the Baltimore Ravens after passing a physical. The doctor said Sanders was in good shape. Why, if he didn’t know any better, it almost looked like Sander’s body had never hit anyone before.
The doctor told Deion he was cleared to play tackle football, and Deion asked; “What kind of football is tackle football?”
This will be new for Deion, normally the only Raven Deion does is about himself.
Please, no hurricane Poindexter
Hurricane Gaston (Gas-tuoh) hit the south really hard. Can’t they come up with tougher sounding names than Gaston? I feel sorry for all of those big, tough, NASCAR-loving good ol’ boy southern guys who have to admit: “Yeah, I got my ass kicked by Gaston.”
It wouldn’t be as bad to say you got hammered by hurricane Butch, or Ralph, or Chuck, but not Gaston. It’s the only time anything with a French name caused any damage.
You can quote me:
Dreams are your thoughts if they were being controlled by a stoned minimum-wage government worker.
Somebody needs to work on playing well with others
*In Melbourne, Russell Crowe got in a fight with his bodyguard. Let me tell you something, if you get in a fight with the one guy whose job is to keep you from getting beat up, you may have some issues with people skills.
Last call
*Last night at the Republican convention, Jenna and Barbara Bush put on a duel comedy club routine. Except the Bush twins were the ones with the two-drink minimum.
Sort of
*You have to admit, it took guts for the Republicans to hold their convention in the democratic stronghold of Manhattan. That’s like opening up a Hooter’s restaurant in Najaf.
Costco Deep Sleep 2000
*Cost Co is selling discount caskets. Who is this for, really cheap vampires?
Cost Co is selling discount caskets. That’s stupid. The fun of buying things at Costco is later bragging to people what a great deal you got. You can’t do that after you’re dead.
How does that work, when you buy a casket from Costco, do you put on your gravestone, “Guess how much I paid for this casket?”
That might be a fun prank to scare your wife: Come home from Costco with a ten-gallon drum of rat poison, a casket and a case of Champagne.
How does that work? “Get in the car, honey, I need some thirty tube socks, a ten-gallon jar of peanut butter, and, what was that other thing? Oh yeah, a coffin.”
I’ll be back . . . and back, and back, and back
*Did you see Arnold Schwarzenegger’s speech? It was very historic. Arnold officially broke Ronald Reagan’s speech world record for quoting your own old movie lines.
The Deion lights of Broadway
*Retired cornerback Deion Sanders signed a one-year contract with the Baltimore Ravens after passing a physical. The doctor said Sanders was in good shape. Why, if he didn’t know any better, it almost looked like Sander’s body had never hit anyone before.
The doctor told Deion he was cleared to play tackle football, and Deion asked; “What kind of football is tackle football?”
This will be new for Deion, normally the only Raven Deion does is about himself.
Please, no hurricane Poindexter
Hurricane Gaston (Gas-tuoh) hit the south really hard. Can’t they come up with tougher sounding names than Gaston? I feel sorry for all of those big, tough, NASCAR-loving good ol’ boy southern guys who have to admit: “Yeah, I got my ass kicked by Gaston.”
It wouldn’t be as bad to say you got hammered by hurricane Butch, or Ralph, or Chuck, but not Gaston. It’s the only time anything with a French name caused any damage.
You can quote me:
Dreams are your thoughts if they were being controlled by a stoned minimum-wage government worker.
posted by Alex at
11:47 AM
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