Porn star Jenna Jameson has a perfume.
It’s called Daddy Issues, its scent is like the sanitizer, Purell, with a hint of narcissism, neediness and the stench of dead self-esteem.
Porn star Jenna Jameson has a perfume, Heartbreak.
And what girl doesn’t want to smell like an adult video store floor?
Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican party.
Apparently the Republican party wants to resemble a horse’s ass.
Clearly their first choice for the face of the republican party was Jabba-the-Hut, but Lucas wouldn't release the rights.
The Dallas Cowboys cut Terrell Owens.
Well, they didn’t just cut him, “The Bachelor’s” Jason broke up with Owens, got the engagement ring back and asked Molly to take his place.
It was kind of mean how they let Owens go.
Cowboy owner Jerry Jones lined the team up and said;
“All players who aren’t-egomaniacal attention-whores step forward, Terrell, not so fast.”
And to think just how much I didn't care about Terrell Owens before our economy collapsed . . .
CNN doctor Sanjay Gupta has withdrawn his name as a candidate for Surgeon General.
It was a little awkward when President Bush called Barack Obama to advise;
“Forget that CNN Guppy guy, the best TV doctor is that House fella. He’s sharper than a Mexican cactus.”
In honor of his signing with the Los Angeles Dodgers, Jet Blue is offering a Manny Ramirez flight from Burbank to Boston for $99.
Don’t confuse this with the Alex Rodriguez flight, that is a sharp pain-in-the-butt and it stops flying altogether in the Fall.
Saturday Morning Caffeine Fueled Rant
Loved the U2 on the Letterman this week. Now, I really like U2, but their songs have always sounded, well, U2-ie. “In the Name of Love” is U2-ie. It’s good, but they all kind of sound the same, not as much as Bruce Hornsby and Michael McDonald’s stuff all sounds the same, but . . .
Having said that, I admire how U2 makes it look like they enjoy being U2 (Oh, no, why do I smell another Eagles rant coming on?) Well, inner tirade, it’s true. The Eagles were huge but, besides crazy Joe Walsh, none of them made it look like it was any fun at all being a big shot rock star. Especially one guy whose name rhymes with Bon Denley.
U2 makes it look like they are having a good time. And if you can’t have a good time being billionaire rock gods and saving the planet and everyone in it, like Bono, you aren’t trying.
But seriously, Bono, babe, schnookums, bubbie, what the heck is with the ageing-Beverly Hills-trophy wife sunglasses? Get thee to a Ray Ban store.
Speaking of rock stars, here is Lex's Rock Star Shrimp Recipe:
You want to be a rock star with an appetizer or even a main dish? Simply get a bag of uncooked frozen shrimp, the bigger ones, 21-26 to-the-pound, and marinate them in a ziplock bag with Extra Virgin Olive oil and a solid dusting of Old Bay seasoning. (Old Bay/Olive Oil marinade should have a nice pink/orange color)
If you want to grill them, put the shrimp on soaked bamboo skewers and leave the tail and shell on. They cook better this way and, once they are cooked, the shells are easy to pull off.
If you want to sauté the shrimp, take off the shell and the tail and chop them into about halves or thirds, toss them in a hot skillet with the marinade sauce, add a splash of vodka - light it for the visual effect - and cook them until they are pink and plump.
Throw them in grilled tortillas with grilled corn mixed with sour cream and salsa and shredded cheese or, for an entre, put the whole shrimps on a bed of rice pilaf. (Rice cooked in a rice cooker with chicken broth instead of water) Top with a quick white wine, chicken broth, garlic, caper reduction sauce and Bam it with chopped parsley*.
Bring the grilled shrimp to a party with a good shrimp cocktail sauce and you will be invited to parties where they don’t even really want you there.
*The best presentation secret is to always keep fresh parsley around. Chop it up finely and sprinkle on a plate. It makes a corn dog look fancy.