Well slap me silly and call me Frita, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.
The right honorable Rev. Al Sharpton (are you picking up on my sarcasm here?)
is suing HBO for a billion dollars for airing an FBI video that features Rev. Al apparently negotiating a cocaine deal with an undercover agent. Exactly what church is Sharpton a reverend of? Our Sister of the immaculate crack pipe? That’s right, Sharpton is suing HBO for a billion dollars. Or a hundred kilos of uncut cocaine, either one.
There are some sure signs the economy is in trouble: The Federal reserve lowers rates, unemployment shoots up, and a president named Bush attacks Iraq. Yep, folks, it’s looking more and more like we are getting ready to fight Iraq. Just today, the State Department sent Saddam Hussein a note asking; “Hey, you got a problem?”
In Jerusalem, Rev. Jesse Jackson preached non-violence to Christian Palestinians. When it comes to non-violence, Jackson knows what he is talking about. Jesse has never hit anything in his life, well, besides a fine booty.
Thanks to Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France victory, the people in France were in a familiar position: On the streets greeting a conquering hero from another country. Help me out here, Slatterns and Ranchers: why is it so fun to beat up on the French? Are they really that snotty? I met a French guy who was a horribly rude snob, but he was the guest of my across-the-apartment-courtyard French neighbors who simply could not have been nicer. (We chipped in together on a vacuum cleaner. That is a good move, by the way. If you ever get a chance, go halves on cleaning devices with French people, they don't ever use them.)
But, let's face it, the economy of California is now bigger than France's economy. Are the French even worth picking on any more? Why do we care if they are rude to us? I don't. I have enough rude people right here in Northern San Diego to worry about, excuse my preposition. Speaking of rude San Diegans, when did signaling before changing lanes become merely an optional courtesy?
Oh well. Folks, bare with me. I just came off the wagon after three weeks with a bit of a thud. The 21 days was my goal, I made it, and then I celebrated. Apparently too much. I loves me my wine, but sometimes my wine doesn't recipricate. Back on the wagon now for fun.
Speaking of drunk guys who have been in a video with two drunk women, Rob Lowe is leaving the show “The West Wing.” Hello Rob? You don’t leave a hit show. Does the name Kathy Lee Gifford mean anything to you? I can think of three reasons why Lowe shouldn’t leave: Shelly Long, David Caruso and Shannon Doherty. I guess this means we won’t hear from Rob Lowe until the People Magazine’s “Where are they Now?” 2005 issue. Lowe’s publicist said Lowe wants to spend more time with his family. To which Lowe’s family replied, “What are you, stupid? Go back to the show, we want more money.”
NFL all-time flop quarterback Ryan Leaf has retired from football after being paid over $16 million when he was picked second in the ’98 draft. Leaf has requested that his self-respect, credibility and dignity be cryogenically frozen so it might be brought back to life sometime in the future. Leaf makes World Com look like a good investment.(Remember the good old days when just football players were disastrous investments?)
The only big question facing Ryan Leaf now is the one he has to ask customers; “Do you want fries with that?”
Speaking of investments and the market, man did it shoot up today. Last week the market was way down, today it shot straight up. How crazy is this market? I'll tell you: just this afternoon, the market accused Tommy Mattola and the music industry of being racist