Porn sites are reporting traffic is way down during the World Cup. Except for the soccer-related porn sites “Heading the Ball” “Two On One Breakaway” and “Dribble and Shoot.” 

A couple weeks ago, Uraguay’s triple-biter, Luis Suarez, was on the cover of “Sports Illustrated”. This week Suarez is on the cover of “Italian Gourmet.”

Porn sites are reporting traffic is way down during the World Cup. Well sure, soccer fans can’t use their hands.

Think of all the roads, think of all their crossings, taking steps is easy, standing still is hard, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Kim Kardashian is now a blonde. Yes, believe it or not, Kim Kardashian found a way to make herself even stupider.

After losing to Germany 1-0, the US advances in the World Cup. And you wonder why US sports fans find soccer confusing? Imagine a Chicago Bears fan saying; “If we could just lose to the Green Bay Packers, we’d make the playoffs.”

Uraguay’s Luis Suarez was banned from soccer for four months for biting an Italian player. What’s the difference between Suarez and an Olive Garden customer? Suarez has had a real bite of Italian.

A New York man walked into a McDonalds with a kitchen knife stuck in his back. When asked what he wanted, he said he would take a stab at the Happy Meal.

A New York man walked into a McDonalds with a kitchen knife stuck in his back. In typical blasé New York fashion, a customer walked up and hung his Yankee hat on the knife.

A New York man walked into a McDonalds with a kitchen knife stuck in his back. He almost bled to death waiting for the guy with the meat cleaver in his head to order.

A New York man walked into a McDonalds with a kitchen knife stuck in his back. On the bright side, it was the first time ever in a New York McDonalds a customer in line let someone cut in front of them.

A New York man walked into a McDonalds with a kitchen knife stuck in his back. The cashier actually asked if he was eating there or wanted the order to go.

A New York man walked into a McDonalds with a kitchen knife stuck in his back. When asked what he wanted to order, the man said; 

"Are you kidding? This food will kill you." 

In their 1-0 defeat of Italy, Uraguay’s Luis Suarez bit a player for the third time in his career. Interesting fact, Suarez is an old Castilian word that means Mike Tyson.


P.S. My prediction is Grace Helbig will be famous soon.