It is hard out here

We gonna be quick on the trick brick by brick, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


People are still talking World Cup French captain, Zinedine Zidane, who head butted an Italian
Author J.K. Rowling has revealed that at least one of the Harry Potter characters will be gone after the next adventure. Apparently Harry gets kicked out for head butting an Italian.  


In an interview with Matt Lauer of “Today, “ Russian President Vladimir Putin called Dick Cheney’s criticism of Russia; “an unsuccessful hunting shot.” Then it really got ugly. Cheney then head-butted Putin.

When asked to comment about Putin’s remark, President Bush just giggled and said; “His name is Putin.”

The female star of “Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man’s Chest” Kierra Knightly, is denying rumors that she is anorexic. Knightly said that just yesterday, she ate an entire Altoid.  
Strolling star spokesperson:

“Sure, you’re tired, frustrated, the soccer game is in overtime, and suddenly some Italian guy calls you the son of a terrorist whore. Is he a butthead? You bet. But don’t head butt him.” (NBC’s “The more you know” graphic)

It is hard out here

It got all random with the tore down, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

My mistake
I saw “Pirates of the Caribbean” this weekend. This one is called “Dead Man’s Chest” but oddly enough it doesn’t have anything to do with Dick Cheney.

A man in Portland, Ore., is suing Michael Jordan and Nike for $832 million because he claims his life has been difficult because he resembles Michael Jordan. All I can say is that if this suit holds up, Brad Pitt will be hearing from my attorney.

Youch
People are still talking about that French player, Zinedine Zidane, who was kicked out of the World Cup for head butting an Italian; it is the most controversy anyone has caused by using their head since, well, Monica Lewinski.  

The really good news after the World Cup? They have discovered the key to immortality. Apparently it is that cold sprayer they used on injured players; one second their leg needed to be amputated, one squirt and the next they are up and running around.


French player, Zinedine Zidane, who was kicked out of the World Cup for head butting an Italian player, was voted the World Cup’s outstanding player. I guess you can get away with anything in soccer as long as you don’t use your hands.

French head-butt’r Zinedine Zidane was voted the World Cup’s outstanding player; personally, I think the World Cup MVP should have gone to those amazing trainers. They magically transformed players dying on a stretcher back to full speed in one second on the sideline.

Who knew?
Newly discovered letters reveal that Albert Einstein may have had at least six different affairs while he was married to his second wife, Elsa; apparently the C in E= MC2 stands for Clinton.  

Newly discovered letters reveal that Albert Einstein may have had at least six different affairs while he was married to his second wife, Elsa, who was his cousin. Yes, Einstein was married to his cousin. That brings a whole new meaning to the theory of relativity.  

Apparently fidelity is another theory that was relative.

It is hard out here

Bring it on home, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not a lot of action
As of this writing, the Chicago Cubs were 1- 11 at home in June and have the worst home record in baseball. In fact, the Cubs score less at home than Bill and Hillary Clinton.  

Tough decision
This is a busy time for European sports, the Soccer World Cup is in Germany, the Tour De France of cycling began and England’s Wimbledon tennis tournament is under way. It is getting so that Americans don’t know which European sports event to ignore next.       

Remind me again?
In their World Cup match against the favorite Brazil, France was victorious.  The French wanted to celebrate, but first they had to ask; “OK, so how do you celebrate a victory?”


In their World Cup match against the favorite Brazil, France was victorious. In Paris men were dancing in the street, swilling wine and grabbing women to grope and kiss. But then they stopped to celebrate France’s World Cup win.


It is so trite and easy to insult the French, but their brave and hard-fought 1-0 victory over Brazil in the World Cup was inspirational.  This also marks the first time that the words brave, hard- fought, inspirational, French, and victory have ever been used together.

Trump card
This weekend in Golf was the Donald Trump One Million Dollar Invitational at Canouan Island. The Trump tournament is tough because, they grow the rough long then they comb it over a bald patch of dirt.

Tough choice
The movies “Superman Returns” and “The Devil Wears Prada” have opened in theaters. Or as it’s known to gay men: the ultimate movie dilemma.

Or as it is known the Ultimate Queer Eye double bill.


The Chicago White Sox committed three errors losing to the Baltimore Orioles 8-1 Monday. But as White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, fresh out of league ordered sensitivity training described it, instead of error, he prefers the term three unfortunate fielding incidents.

The movies “Superman Returns” and “The Devil Wears Prada” have opened in theaters. Or as it is known the Ultimate Queer Eye double bill.

Make nice
The Chicago White Sox committed three errors losing to the Baltimore Orioles 8-1 Monday. But as White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, who is fresh out of league ordered sensitivity training, prefers instead of error, Ozzie calls it an unfortunate fielding incidents.


Yuck
Six time hot dog eating champion, Takera Kobayshi, set a new record by eating just over 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Takera gave a lot of credit for the new record to his hot dog swallowing coach, Paris Hilton.

Takera won the coveted hot dog eating trophy, the gold plated toilet plunger.