Saturday, November 05, 2011

Certain Kind Of Fool

These were the Eagles I fell in love with and that love grew when Felder joined the band. This, feeling, this image, this soulful sound died slowly from "Hotel California" until it was cold on "The Long Run." Again, Meisner singing, Leadon on lead.
Public opinion against Kim Kardashian has turned ugly. Even Lindsay Lohan told Kim to stop being such a stupid and crazy bitch.

Marketing experts say Kim Kardashian’s drop in popularity following her heartless 72-day divorce of an $11 mil. wedding could destroy her reality TV career. Hard to believe a career whose high-point was a leaked sex tape with rapper/singer Ray J could fall, but Kim has.

What have we learned? Well, as we have learned previously with Roseanne, Cybill Shepard, Brett Butler, Rosie O’Donnell and Paris Hilton, the public can take a big B-word. B-words can be fun and entertaining. Do we like them? No, but will we watch them? Yes.

But once a B-word makes that precipitous turn to the C-word? It is over. Graveyard dead over. Same rule applies to guys but the terms are douche bags to a-holes. See: Tiger Woods.

Eagles - Nightingale

Another underrated early Eagles tune as a young Don Henley shows his potential chops. Hard to believe same acid-tongued guy who spewed "Garden of Allah" and the utterly unlisteningable (not really a word) "Building the Perfect Beast."

Check out the incredible harmonies at the end. Written by Jackson Browne about his fling with great-singer-artist, Laura Nyro. Hard to believe, but Browne wrote a lot more of this album than Henley did. Henley got half a credit on "Witchy Woman."
No offense to the wildly talented Joe Walsh and Timothy B. Schmitt, but in my opinion this was the Eagles most talented line up and it only lasted about one year during "One of These Nights" and leading up to, and mostly causing "Hotel California."

OK, yes a few of the songs on "OOTN" were weak. The Bernie Leadon/Patti Davis dross "I Wish You Peace" sucked with the titanic suction of the reverse energy from a billion hot suns. It sucked so much it hastened the departure of Leadon from the band.

As I have learned from reading about the Stones, David Crosby, Eagles, Felder, Clapton and Steve Martin, the momentum for a great album takes at least a year to build. This was the lineup that caused 90% of "Hotel California." Yes, Joe Walsh laid down that incredible riff on "Life in the Fast Lane" but besides that these were the guys up there.

And we know how "The Long Run" turned out by comparison. Moderately OK album at best. "Desperado" takes "The Long Run" out in the alley behind the bar and knocks most of its teeth out before making it its bitch.

OK, that was a little harsh, but . . .

"Desperado" cost a fraction of and took way less time to make than "The Long Run." Why? The egos weren't as out-of-control and the talent was bigger. You don't think cocaine had a negative impact on the late Seventies, early Eighties L.A. music scene? Listen to all of "Desperado" than try to listen to all of "The Long Run." And I'll give you a pass on "Disco Strangler." Nobody should have to listen to that steaming pile of buzzard heave.

On "Hotel California" never was a huge fan of "New Kid In Town" by Frey and Souther. Meisner's "Try and Love Again" kicks its ass six ways from Sunday. What the hell does that six-ways-from-Sunday thing mean, anyway?

Steaming pile of buzzard heave? Lex, you silver tongued devil, you . . .
Why do I suspect the paternity suit against Justin Bieber will be dropped? Probably because Bieber's Biebers haven't dropped.

Friday, November 04, 2011

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

They best done get that nasty-ass thang on oughta here, on oughta here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not that we can complain after that nasty snow storm back East, but it is cold and rainy here in San Diego. I'm shaking like Justin Bieber taking a DNA test.

Kim Kardashian is launching a new perfume: Ode to Bimbo.

Justin Bieber vehemently denies knowing or having sex with woman who claims to have his baby. When asked about her comment the sex took 30 seconds, Bieber said;

"OK, that part sounds a little familiar."

Update on Wrigley T. since Kasey passed July 11th.

Glad to say Wrigley is doing better. He can still absolutely bust-up my heart when he cries when he is alone. It sounds like a child crying, and then when I let him in, he has tears staining down his furry cheeks. Didn't know that dogs could cry, but this one does.

As much as I miss Kasey, it is such a comfort having this sweet, bone-head dog around. What more can you say about a family member who makes you laugh from the minute they wake up until they go to bed at night?

When you go to roust Wrigley in the morning, often he pretends he can't see you so he can stay in bed. Then he gives you a polite few wags of the tail and then flops back to sleep like a hungover hotel guest telling the maid to come back later.

When he does get up, his eyes are half-shut and his little face is all sleepy-looking and mushed up. It is hilarious.

And then when he happily trots to his bed at night, he circles the cushy bed a few times and flops down with a grunt that sounds just like an old man grousing. A few contended and loud smacks of his lips and then he plops his head down and is out and snoring before the light goes off.

He is our big sweet goofy cuddle-bunny is what he is.

Kasey-Bear? Not sure why, but it makes me feel better to talk to you in this blog. Not sure why. You had many admirable qualities, but I am pretty sure the ability to read was not one of them.

Any who, you know those countless a-few-were-fine-growing-slightly-more-annoying-as-they-increased lick-smooches you loved to give me? Just thought you should know, I miss every single one of them.

Every single one.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

And a little equal-time Laird-candy for the laaaaaaaadies.

Happy National Sandwich Day. Our American fat-asses need a National Sandwich Day like France needs a National Don't-Shower Day.

In Warsaw, a pilot landed a giant Boeing jet without his landing gear so smoothly, many passengers did not notice. There was an awkward moment when they asked the Polish pilot when he knew the wheels would not come out and he said; "It has wheels?"

You can tell Kim Kardashian is upset about her divorce by the way she is jetting off to Australia to promote her clothing line. It is the first clothing line that has shorts available in Large, Extra-Large and Kardashiantic.

The Chicago Cubs fired their manager, Mike Quade. Or as this move is known in baseball terms: Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Is it just me, or does Rick Perry look like the Cadillac salesman who calls everyone Boss?

A word to the wise for Herman Cain. This year you might want to dispense with your Christmas; "Hey, I'm Herman and I've got a candy cane for you" line.

Since you asked:

"Well, I am all caught up with Bravo's "Top Chef," said no straight person besides me.

And I can prove I am straight because I think that Padma Lakshmi is hot, hot, hot. (duh) No really. When she is on camera I cannot take my eyes off of her. Its different from Marissa Miller or Heather Graham where you eyes and brain can quickly register, oh, OK, smoking hot, don't have to look anymore.

With Padma she is exotic and unique enough to keep you going back to try and figure out how beautiful she is. Yes, that arm-scar thing is cool, and she is rocking a nuclear meltdown hot body. But she has the wide doe eyes and the pouty mouth and great hair.


Do you think Kim Kardashian has any idea how Tiger-Woods-like graveyard dead she is as a celebrity? No way.

Her 72-day divorce is one of those seismic episodes that goes way beyond the story itself down to where people really get pissed off. Paris Hilton-like pissed off hatred.

To stage an $11 million dollar wedding televised on "E" and then blow off the marriage 72 days later reveals a selfishness, shallowness, greediness and downright stupid bitchiness that we, prior to this, could only get a hint of its virtually unprecedented size and scope of its total a-holeness.

In short, Kim, we knew you were a stupid, spoiled, selfish beeeyatch, but we put up with it because it was slightly entertaining. Now that is goner than a gone thing that is way gone.

To put it another way, Kim has now taken that short but quick public relations death-spiral from fun-to-hate, like Lindsay Lohan, to we-hate-her-way-too-much-for-it-to-be-fun Paris Hilton.

Go Stand Up Paddle Boarding and leave your troubles behind.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Eagles - Tryin'

Another woefully underrated Meisner-singing, Leadon-jamming song.
Leaving the boys behind

The 'heimers be chillaxing, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After 72 days, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from Kris Humphries. You’d like to think Kim will handle the divorce with dignity, but I bet she makes a huge ass of herself.

The Kardashian family issued a statement saying that, during Kim’s difficult time, they hope everybody will please continue to disrespect their utter lack of class, dignity and privacy.

Because the East Coast storm, passengers on JetBlue airlines in Connecticut were stuck on the runway for seven and a half hours. Turns out they were hiding in plane sight.

After 72 days, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from Kris Humphries. The only good news is they won’t have to spend any time arguing over who gets custody of Bruce Jenner’s dignity.

To be honest I had a rough Halloween. I went to a party dressed up as Rick Perry then I lost every Charades debate I was in.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Eagles - Take The Devil

This "Take the Devil" is a very good early Eagles-sound-sounding song. Compare it to the crap "The Disco Strangler" or even worse "The Greeks Don't Want No Freaks" on the so-so-at-best "The Long Run" and you see how far the Ea-guys wandered off their early path. Lead singer Randy "Take it to the Limit" Meisner and lead guitar Bernie Leadon, both quit/booted.

Can you believe all the cold, ice and zero electricity? But enough about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries's Honeymoon. That East Coast winter storm is bad too.

The Kardashian family has issued a statement asking people, due to this rough time in their lives, to continue to utterly disrespect their lack of class, dignity and need for cheap publicity and lack of privacy.

It is so cold and snowy back in New York, in Times Square the hookers are offering a Kim Kardashian special. For an extra $100 they dump your ass cold.

This divorce from Kim Kardashian will be hard on Kris Humphries. Imagine leaving all that behind?

Since you asked:
Reading the new Ben Fong-Torres (Editor "Rolling Stone" portrayed as Cameron Crowe's boss in "Almost Famous" ) book on the Eagles, "Taking it to the Limit." Nothing really big is new, but a truly interesting perspective.

Fong-Torres goes much easier on Frey and Henley then the other books, especially Felder's. . He paints Meisner and Leadon as disgruntled about the direction of the band - away from them - and a general unhappiness with success. Whether they liked or not - and they didn't - the band became the monster it became and they had to accept it if they wanted to stay. And they didn't accept it. Fong-Torres implies they quit and were not fired by Frey as do other accounts.

Meisner literally hated the limelight and Leadon was a bluegrass purest/hippie/surfer/grump. Folks, once again, if you don't like fame and the pressure that comes with it, don't chose to be a rock star or a movie star.

Whether or not Frey and Henley were the blatant song thieves they have been accused (Change a word, get a third) fact is the original artists versions of their songs were not nearly as cool, polished or commercial as Frey and Henley made them. Steve Young's version of "Seven Bridges Road" is a corny folk song. Jackson Browne's "Take it Easy" didn't do nearly as well. Joni Mitchel's chords that created "Best of My Love" vanished on one of her albums.

Frey and Henley had monster solo careers compared to all the other Eagles. Yes, they leaned heavy on collaborators, like J.D. Souther and my buddy, the great guitarist/songwriter, Danny Kortchmar, but the others tried to do that as well and failed.

Believe me, I am a huge Don Felder fan, but the fact is the dynamics of the band had dramatically changed when they reformed after 12 years. It does seem somewhat stubborn to fight over whether you're getting $100 million or $125 million.

Fong-Torres goes very gently on the conspicuous womanizing and drug use using cleverly disguised words like paranoia and jealousy. Fact was Frey was up to something like four grams a day holed up in his post-Eagles home in Santa Fe and Henley was spending mountains of cash on brandy, blow and hookers, ala, Charley Sheen, at his Mulholland Dr. estate.

The Eagles started out thinking this band was a temporary gig with all members believing it was a mere stepping-stone to their own eventual Jackson Browne/James Taylor-like solo careers. Only Walsh knew otherwise, having not liked his experience as the leader of The James Gang. They just boarded a train that kept going faster and faster and it became harder and harder to jump off.

Here is a theory you can utterly ignore. All males in the US between the ages of 8 and 18 in 1968 wanted to grow up to be "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." Cool, handsome, independent, tough, famous, funny and fun. So did I. So did the Eagles.

Yes, we knew there wasn't an actual future in riding horses and robbing banks, but we all sort of quietly decided we would try and do it as close to that incredible American icon as we could. Me? I thought I was going to be an Olympic Decathlon Sundance with a switch to NFL running back after my gold medal.

The Eagles decided to be Butch and Sundance with their guitars. That is what the entire album "Desperado" is about. And, to their credit, they pulled it off for the most part.

The problem was Butch and Sundance didn't have or need bosses. The Eagles did. Whether it was record executives, managers, producers or concert venue owners, they were always working for someone else and it rubbed them the wrong way, especially Henley and Frey with their huge egos.

Boo hoo hoo, us poor Eagles, we have mean record producers (Glyn Johns) and terrible pressure to increase album sales (Asylum Records and then A & M) The Eagles spent a lot more time drinking beer with hookers (i.e. Cloris Leachman's Agnus) then they spent on the trail avoiding a posse.

The very start of the Eagles was mind-blowing to me. Frey and Henley had come in riding pretty high both with record deals, both very driftwood sculptures and turquoise jewelry heavy bands, Frey with Souther and Longbranch Pennywhistle and Henley with Shiloh.

Both bands bombed and both were broke. Hanging out and the long and narrow bar at the Troubadour now sounds so glamorous due to the names who hung out there, James Taylor, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, the Doors, Janis Joplin.

But imagine some semi-dive West Hollywood bar with a bunch of failed actors desperate to be movie stars instead of musicians and it is the same vibe: sad, desperate and pathetic. Frey came to Henley with a gig to back Linda Ronstadt at Disneyland for $200 a week including free hotel rooms. They almost pulled hamstrings jumping at the deal.

Meisner and Leadon were far more accomplished in the music business having recorded and toured with name bands, Poco, Flying Burrito Brothers and Ricky Nelson.

David Geffen was one of the all-time opportunist/hustlers. He had an amazing ear for talent, saw the talent in the Eagles and signed them to his "music company" which was held together at this point by Scotch tape and band aids.

Geffen had a connection to a bar in Aspen, the Gallery, and sent the boys there as The Teen King and the Emergencies. There they played to crowds way, way worse than my old band the Railheads. One bartender, two cocktail waitresses and two groupies.

It is hilarious how many people have told me they used to go see the Eagles play in Aspen. That is a bald-faced lie, they weren't yet called the Eagles. In fact, Frey insisted they were Eagles. Not The Eagles.

When I first saw Eagles it was at Arlington Race Track in Illinois in 1975, they were touring to promote "One of These Nights." We got there late because we didn't know who the first acts were and wanted to pass on them: Jackson Browne and Linda Ronstadt. One thing that stuck out was how clean and tight this band was live.

This was an era of some incredibly embarrassing concerts. Grace Slick passed out on the stage and she couldn't sing when she was sober. Saw America at a beautiful venue outside Chicago called Ravinia, and one of them was so drunk he kept falling off of his stool. Under the "No Fun Aloud" rule under Henley, the Eagles made statues look like Joe Cocker.

Some douche-bag threw a smoke bomb on stage and Frey picked it up and burned his hand.

It was love at first sight. All the songs the Eagles did I had previously sort of confused with America, the Doobie Brothers and the Allman Brothers. Hearing all those great songs back-to-back, I was hooked. When Henley sang we were confused. None of the guys standing in front of the mikes were singing and it didn't occur to us the drummer might be singing.

After it is all said and done, the Eagles personality and direction had no choice but to go the way of its most influential member, Don Henley. Despite being wildly talented as a singer and lyricist, far less so as a drummer, it is generally considered common knowledge that Don Henley may be the biggest a-hole who has ever been in rock and roll. Maybe Axel Rose is worse, but only maybe.

OK, I take it back, Gene Simmons and Ted Nugent are way ahead of even Axel as the biggest a-hole in rock history leaving Henley in the dust of a dark desert highway.

Like Azoff, Henley is famously rude and downright ugly to stagehands, roadies, hotel staff, waiters; not to make excuses, but Glenn Frey and the rest of the band had no choice but to adopt and turn into versions of Henley to keep up.

Or quit or get fired, like Leadon, Meisner and Felder.

Let's put it this way: in the Seventies Henley was rocking a perm-white-fro and then, in the Eighties, he had a slicked-back ponytail. Sums it up for me.

In the end, and the fact he is a notoriously bad tipper, that is all you need to know about the guy I once wanted to have a drink with more than anyone, including Eric Clapton.

The "We thought we could change this world with words like love and freedom" Eagles sold out to Wal Mart.

Talk about kissing paradise goodbye.


Monday, October 31, 2011

Poor Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Their marriage could not withstand the strain of the tricky seven-week-itch. Who could have seen this coming? Stevie Wonder.

Casey Jennings & Anthony Pitko SUP Surf Session - Manhattan Beach

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Free Hugs in Sondrio, Italy

Love laughing and crying at the same time