Who does Cesar Sayoc Jr. Remind me of? That's right, Joe Pesci's David Ferrie in "JFK." 

Tuchus McGoose is on the loose, he's full of juice and this ain't no ruse, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers





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Megyn Kelly has hinted she would like to return to "Fox News."  "Fox News," is going along and putting on a supportive blackface.





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Do you remember back when one of the greatest journalists, Bob Woodward, wrote a book that ended with Donald Trump's lawyer saying Trump is not capable of telling the truth?

Those were simpler times.






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It is not believable anyone from Florida could be stupid enough to mail dud bombs to famous democrats.

Headline:

"Florida man arrested for chasing liquor store customers with an alligator under his arm."

Oh. Right.








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Comedy tip #326:

There is no joke you cannot make funnier by ending the punchline with a squeeze of your crotch and making a loud clown-horn honking noise.





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Donald Trump tweeted a denial of a story he still uses his unsecured iPhone while on his unsecured iPhone.

That is like a child denying he put his hand in the cookie jar while his hand is stuck in the cookie jar.








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To say Megyn Kelly's show was cancelled due to her black-face comments is like saying the Titanic sank because of a lousy midnight buffet.








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Nobody was hurt, but a vintage Nazi plane crashed on the freeway near the Kardashian's homes.

It is official, Kanye West has too much money and time on his hands.




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Donald Trump blamed the media for the bombs sent to his enemies. Trump is the guy who farts in the car and blames a dead skunk in the road.





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Fresno man burned down a house using a blowtorch to kill spiders. 

This officially lets John Smoltz off the hook. He missed pitching a Braves game due to chest burns from ironing a shirt he was wearing.




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Presidents respond to a crisis: 

"Four score and seven years ago..." - Lincoln

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." - FDR

"The people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon."  - GWB

"Mainstream media must clean up its act. FAST." - Trump




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This is the first World Series in memory to feature a Joc, Mookie and Kike.







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Four words: Chipotle Guacamole For Everyone. Oh, and a private jet. 

#IfIWonTheLottery




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After much anticipation of a character getting killed off, "Modern Family" revealed it was DeDe, Jay's ex and Mitchell and Claire's mom.  

Not exactly J.R. getting shot, now was it?







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A Fresno man said he burned down a house using a blow torch to kill black widow spiders. 

He's in trouble now, the accepted colloquialism is African American Marriage-Survivior Spiders.






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"Why did we think this drivel would be of any use?"

- Russians to Chinese listening in on Trump's unsecured iPhone.




Levon Helm Ramble At The Ryman "The Weight" on PBS

The Band - The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down

I'll Take You There - Staple Singers

Juicy Goosey, I’ll take you there, play yo, play yo pianuh now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Former Carolina Panther Rae Carruth was released from prison after serving almost 20 years for murdering his pregnant girlfriend. 

When asked to describe his prison sentence, Carruth said it bad, but better than playing for the Cleveland Browns.

If you have not chosen your Halloween costume yet, you cannot go wrong dressing up as a slutty Lindsey Graham.

Charles Barkley said he hasn't worn underwear in ten years. Today, Barkley was barred from entering his dry cleaner.

In Indianapolis, a lioness killer her mate of eight years. She just couldn’t stand to listen him talk about his Fantasy Football team anymore.

Kim Kardashuian is 38, or as she calls it, "This many." (flashing ten fingers, ten fingers, ten fingers and eight fingers)

A year ago, Kim Kardashian had three of her cars broken into. A year later and Kim is proud to announce she has restored all the junk in her trunk.

Good Halloween safety tip:

If you haven't already, take the Saudi Consulate in your town off of your trick-or-treating route.

In London, Melissa Stark took a football to the head broadcasting the Titans-Chargers game.  First time a female sports reporter took a ball to the head not counting the woman who did the "in-depth" interview of Lance Armstrong.

Since you asked:

Friday, I felt like Spencer Stone from the 2015 Thalys train attack. 

No, I did not tackle a terrorist keeping him from killing hundreds, but I did find my friend Paul's lost dog, Ben.