Oh my goot’ness, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Remember the Chilean minor whose mistress and wife met during the vigil? The good news is he got out. The bad news? He got out.
A Florida man was arrested for growing marijuana in his front yard; when asked why he didn’t grow it in his backyard, the man said; “Uh, I thought it was the backyard.”
A band, Imperial Stars, blocked traffic on the 101 freeway to play their new single: “Traffic Jam 101.” Can’t wait until they promote their other single, “Jumping off the Verrazano Bridge.”
Doctors did not allow the 33 Chilean miners to celebrate with alcohol. Well, sure, everyone knows you can’t serve alcohol to minors.
More bad news for Bret Favre, two massage therapists for the New York Jets say Favre also left them steamy messages. It seems Favre kept asking the massage therapists for the Al Gore happy ending.
The governor of New Jersey halted construction on a tunnel to Manhattan. Apparently New Yorkers were worried Snooki might scurry through it.
The Minnesota Vikings lost to the New York Jets 29-22. It was close until the end when Favre threw an interception for a touchdown. Once again, a bad decision exposed Favre’s shortcomings.
It been a bad week for Brett Favre. Even the 0-5 San Francisco Forty Niners are making jokes about him.
Far be it from me to go into sordid details about the Brett Favre penis pictures, but suffice it to say, in his next Wranglers ad, Brett won’t need the loose-fit jeans.
Singer Christine Auguilera has split with her husband, Jordan Bratman; for you guys excited about dating the single Christine, you can get more information from a hotline: 1-800-Yah-Rite.
The San Francisco Giants have advanced to the National League Championship Series against the Philadelphia Phillies. In bars all over San Francisco guys cried, hugged, kissed and danced in the streets. When asked about celebrating the Giant win they said; “What Giant win?”
Did you see the Meg Whitman-Jerry Brown debate? It got ugly, scary and frightening. And that was before the debate when they were in makeup.
Actress Minka Kelly, girlfriend of Yankee great Derek Jeter, was named “Esquire” “Sexiest Woman Alive.” In a related story, Brett Favre asked her for her cell phone number so he could send her a text.
The Pro Bowlers Association announced they will use instant replay to settle disputed calls. Controversial bowling calls like; “Who ordered the nachos? Who had the Buffalo wings? Who has the vodka and tonic?”
A McDonalds in Hong Kong is offering wedding packages. And brides, here’s the good news: for the honeymoon, you can have the groom supersized.
More bad news for Bret Favre, two massage therapists for the New York Jets say Favre left them steamy messages. Of course, it being Bret Favre, he kept waffling: I want a happy ending, no, just a massage, no, I want a happy ending. No, just the massage.
Google is working on developing driverless cars. They’re still working the bugs out. For example when you type in the Grand Canyon for your destination, it drives you to the Octomom’s house.
Since you asked:
If you want to see an underrated light-hearted romance spoof you can do a lot worse than “500 Days of Summer.” It stars Zooey Deschanel, she plays Summer, and Joseph “Third Rock from the Sun” Gordon-Levitt, both talented and both strictly adhering to the Hollywood star “One weird name or three names” rule first established by Sigourny Weaver and Sarah Jessica Parker.
It’s an updated not-as-corny-due-to-not-being-in-the-Eighties version of “About Last Night.”
It is very clever in its use of a split screen “Reality” vs. “Expectations” scene when he goes to her party after she broke up with him. We’ve all been there.
But the film’s main gimmick was the clever use of the number of days of the relationship starting with 1 when he first sees her and ending at 500 when they part forever. And it wildly flips back and forth, day 400, day 30, day 110, as the relationship starts, grows, flourishes, dies slowly and ends. No need for a spoiler alert, they tell you in the beginning it doesn’t end in a love story.
Day 10 he talks to her, day 15 he kisses her by the copy machine at work, 18 they date and on day/night 25 they seal the deal.
The morning of day 26 he walks to work with a huge smile on his face to the impossibly perky Hall and Oates tune “You Make My Dreams Come True”. His walk turns into a bounce in his step, the bounce into a skip as a huge fountain erupts. He high fives strangers, they high five him, he points, he smiles he makes clicky noises with pistol fingers. Strangers hug him, they kiss him and sure enough it turns into a full blown flamboyant dance number complete with a cartoon bluebird landing on his finger.
Cut to: Day 325. His face is the absolute mask of deep dark depression and despair. As he slinks and slouches in his chair at his desk he briefly rallies when he sees he has an e-mail from Summer after no contact for a week. It says she hopes he is ready to be friends. He re-slouches.
Joseph Gordon Hyphen Levitt is quite the little talented dude, as seen by his comedic and dancing turn on “Saturday Night Live.” And Zooey Deschanel is quite the good sport charmer as seen in her skit on “Funny or Die” called “Have a Summah” where she sort of makes fun of “500 Days of Summer.”