Thursday, March 12, 2020

At the NFL combine, 364-pound lineman Mekhi Becton ran a 5.10 in the 40-yard dash.

That's conceptually the same as two 182-pound guys each running a 2.55 40.





At the NFL combine, 364-pound lineman Mekhi Becton ran a 5.10 in the 40-yard dash.

When Tom Brady ran the 40 at the combine, he ran a 5.21 at 220-pounds. Becton ran faster with an entire Joe Buck in his belly.







At the NFL combine, 364-pound lineman Mekhi Becton ran a 5.10 in the 40-yard dash.

That is not a 40-yard dash, that is a landslide.







The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim fired their visitor clubhouse manager after he helped teams doctor the balls.

So now they're the Los Angeles Angels of New England.








The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim fired their visitor clubhouse manager after he helped teams doctor the balls.

"How do you deflate a baseball?" Asked the New England Patriots.






Scientists have discovered a hummingbird-sized dinosaur.

Which begs the question: would you rather fight a thousand hummingbird-sized dinosaurs or one dinosaur-sized hummingbird?







New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo launched a hand sanitizer made in New York called NYS Clean.

Cuomo said it smells floral with hints of Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina.








France released a statement that cocaine does not prevent the coronavirus.

"That's like you're opinion, man," said actor Jack Black.








Court documents reveal Harvey Weinstein emailed a reporter that Jennifer Aniston "should be killed" over groping allegations.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way, a Harvey grope you spoke, he wants you to be slayed.






(written before the NBA cancelled their season)

BNP Paribas Open tennis tournament in CA was cancelled due to the coronavirus.

"Good idea, we should probably cancel the rest of our season's games, you can't be too careful," said the New York Knicks.




Since you asked:

Folks, I once swam in the Ohio river North of Louisville in the early '70's. 

The coronavirus can kiss my boomer's sorry white ass.





When I was driving with my wife and my toddler daughter in the back in her car seat, she sweetly asked, 

"Daddy, where are all the ass-bites?"

My wife sighed and said, 

"Your Daddy is right here, honey."




When I told my 10-year-old daughter I saw a blind skier, I said, "It's important we appreciate what we have."

She told the story at school and said, "My Dad said it's important for blind people to appreciate what they have because they could be deaf too."