To My English friends, Happy Boxing Day
I’d like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanza and to the atheists, Happy Saving-Tons-of-Money-and-Hassles week.
#1 Hero of 2009? Capt. “Sully” Sullenberger for landing on the Hudson river; #2 Hero of 2009? Alex Rodriguez for landing safely on the Hudson, Kate.
A study reveals you are six times more likely to get in an accident if you text, post on Twitter and facebook while driving. And you are one hundred times more likely to be an utter douche bag.
Monday, President Obama called into a Washington DC radio station as Barry from D.C. The good news is Obama was the tenth caller. The bad news is the tenth caller won a free tour of the White House.
President George W. Bush said he is 85% finished with his memoirs. And I believe him, when has Bush ever been wrong about knowing when a mission is accomplished?
The makers of the Snuggie have made a Snuggie for the neck they call the Neckie. Wait, isn’t a Neckie called a dickie? No, that’s right, a dickie is a guy who wears a Neckie.
Spencer Pratt had an embarrassing Christmas moment; he gave his wife, Heidi Montag, the “SNL” dick-in-a-box and she returned it for a bigger size.
Here is a heartwarming Christmas thought: this is going to be OJ Simpson’s second Christmas in prison.
There’s friction between Minnesota Vikings QB Brett Favre and his coach, Brad Childress. Childress doesn’t want Favre to change the plays, Favre wants Childress to tell the players to turn down their Hi Fi stereos in the locker room, because that’s not music, that’s noise.
OJ Simpson is enjoying his second Christmas in prison. OJ is in Lovelock Prison, Lovelock, Nevada. Coincidentally, OJ is spending his Christmas in Lovelock in a love lock with his cellmate, Bruno.
Vanda, a drug that cures schizophrenia, comes out in 2010; that’s good and bad news for me. Vanda will silence the screaming crazy space alien voice in my head, Tarknarf. The bad news? Tarknarf the space alien is the guy who gives me my best jokes.
There was so much snow in Chicago, the Bears had to cancel the practices they were going to blow off.
Alex Rodriguez has broken up with Kate Hudson. Actually, he traded Kate to Tiger Woods for a tramp-to-be-named later.
Can you believe all the snow in the Midwest? There hasn’t been this much of a down pouring of white stuff since the woman in the Tiger Woods sex scandal.
Vanda, a drug that cures shizophrenia, comes out in 2010. That is great news for me and really great news for the other me.
Today's big game is the Emerald Bowl that pits the USC Trojans against the Boston College Eagles in an epic game to see which is the best team named after a company that makes condoms.