We all up on it now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
The bring the pain campaign
So far the John Kerry campaign strategy can be described in three words; “Empower disenfranchised Americans.” The George W. Bush campaign strategy can also be described in three words: “Find Osama’s Spider-hole.”
I don’t want to imply that John Kerry is a little stiff or out-of-it, but every time Kerry speaks, I could swear he is about to say; “Verily I sayeth to thou.”
Some people say John Kerry has had a little work done, albeit Botox injections or plastic surgery. I don’t think so, well, not including removing those neck bolts.
Although I understand John Kerry needs to try and loosen his image, but I think it’s ill-conceived for him to go around introducing his running mate John Edwards as his “Road dog homey.”
Les no bon
*I’m worried I might be addicted to watching the “Tour de France.” Lately all I want to do is drink wine, not shower, watch Jerry Lewis movies and insult American tourists.
Courtney Love missed a court date because she was in the hospital with a gynecological condition. And if you’re anything like me, you hope you never, ever, have to hear the words Courtney Love and gynecological condition again.
When I hear Courtney Love and gynecological condition, why do I picture a Hazmat team?
Rumor has it that Love was wandering the New York streets bumming smokes. If Courtney isn’t careful, people might think she’s a little weird.
Related to backlash
Now that it is official that Shaquille O’Neal has left the Los Angeles Lakers for the Miami Heat, many L. A. sports writers are taking shots at O’Neal, his weight gains, mumbling interviews, questionable training and no championships. In short, it is a serious case of Shaq-lash.
The Shaquille O’Neal’s claimed they were selling their 18-bed-room Los Angeles mansion because they have “outgrown it.” Let me tell you, if you’ve outgrown an 18-bedroom house, you might want to start counting the family’s carbs.
The 2 4 Olym ics (The 00 and p are still under construction)
*Even before the Olympic games open, Athens had an electrical blackout. This is actually part of their plan, if the lights are out nobody can see all the unfinished construction.
At this rate, the only light in Athens will be from the Olympic flame.
It’s all part of Athen’s anti-terrorism plan; you can’t blow something up if you can’t see it.
If I didn’t know better, and I don’t
The Tour de France has been crash laden. There are so many bodies lying around it looks like somebody yelled to the French crowd; “Drop and surrender.”
Since you asked;
We have these awesome neighbors, the Garretts. You can’t imagine a nicer, more vibrant, handsome and vigorous family. They are something out of a California Chamber of Commerce dream. Their young adult sons are big, buffed blonde surfers, but they are way too smart to say Dude every other word; the family is always involved with exciting projects, and events. In short, their life is like one big long beer commercial.
So when we have a great weekend, we call it a Garrett-like weekend. And that’s what we had. Saturday I ran thirty minutes and then Mark “The Snake” O’Connor helped try to fix my golf swing. Then it was off to a Point Loma block party hosted by the band I’ve been playing harmonica with, The Mitagators. (The name not my idea) If Norman Rockwell had been in California, he could have done the scene justice: gorgeous ocean sunset through palm trees and pearly clouds, kids laughing, barbeques smoking, dogs barking, band jamming. My daughter, Ann Caroline, got to see Dad play with a band for the first time. She even stood on stage and played the egg-shaker-thingy.
Next day was a La Jolla Shores beach party. I almost drowned during an ocean swim, surf kayaked for the first time, saw two huge leopard sharks – they don’t bite – and ate it in the surf about six times. It was a blast. Then my beloved Cubbies Sammy-spanked the Ratbirds to go into the All Star break with a win - which I am sure will turn their season around. All topped off with smoked, broiled and slow-grilled peach-sauce glazed baby-back ribs with a Cabernet. Not bad. Not bad at all.
Slats and Nuggies, sometimes the bear eats you, sometimes you eat the bear. This weekend, I am proud to report, was one long bear barbeque.