It is time to limbo, Jimbo, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
At the time of his death, Osama bin Laden had $740 sewn into his clothing. Apparently he was looking to buy this really bitchin’ used surfboard on Craig’s List.
Social Security has revealed the top two most popular boy names are Jacob and Ethan. The least popular boy name? Osama bin Trump.
More details emerging from Osama bin Laden raid. You want to know Osama bin Laden’s last words? He said “That Kate Middleton is pretty, but her sister Pippa is scorching hot.”
Have you been keeping up with “American Idol”? If not, let me give you some inside information. According to judge Randy Jackson, several of the contestants are in it to win it.
President Barack Obama decided not to release the death photos of Osama bin Laden so as not to anger the Muslim world. You know what else angers the Muslim world? The world.
Donald Trump responded to his hilarious roasting by Seth Meyers at the Correspondent’s Dinner by saying Seth Myers was untalented. After all, Donald Trump is to talent what Donald Trump is to hair style.
The CIA recovered the cell phones of Osama bin Laden’s aides and they used them frequently while driving. That’s a tough one, do you hate them for being terrorists or for talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving?
Spokespeople for Native Americans are objecting to the Navy Seal’s use of the word “Geronimo” as the code word for killing Osama bin Laden. In a related story, it has now been revealed that Native American Spokespeople have way, way too much time on their hands.
Pittsburgh Steeler Rashard Mendenhall on Twitter questioned the reality of the attacks of 9/11 and criticized anyone celebrating Osama bin Laden’s death. A Steeler spokesperson could not comment because he was weeping inconsolably.
U.S. authorities want to question the woman identified as Osama bin Laden’s wife who is in a Pakistani hospital for a gunshot wound to the leg. They are particularly anxious to question her before she lawyers-up with Gloria Allred. Even Navy Seals are afraid of Gloria Allred.
Since you asked:
In the clearest battle of good versus evil since Osama got whacked, the UCSB men's volleyball team defeated #1 ranked USC to be in the finals against Ohio State. Go Gaucho Gold.
UCSB has national championships in men's water polo, and men's soccer. We have a great shot to win one in men's volleyball. So, basically, if there is a sport that can be played at or near the beach, we will win it.
If they ever give a national championship to ultimate frisbee, sand castle building or surfing, just go right ahead and mark UCSB down as the winner. And Hackey Sack.
They are dancing in the beautiful cockroach-infested streets of Isla Vista tonight. There will be drinking, dancing and countless no-strings- attached hook ups.
In other words, a typical Friday night in Isla Vista.