From our good friend J-Dawg Money.

Don't let the Dingo eat the baby, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

Hey, did you hear that Kim Kardashian compared herself to the virgin Mary? Really? 'Cause if you look up "Virgin" in the dictionary, it says; 

"Not Kim Kardashian."  

Kim Kardashian is to virgin what Keith Richards is to physical fitness.  

Letterman: "Some people go nuts and get the entire Sistine Chapel tattoed on their arm."

Bieber: (Deadpanned) "Why would I want to get the Sixteenth Chapel on my arm?" 

We takin’ a ride on the bi-polar coaster, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Adidas has cancelled a line of shoes that have rubber shackles that objectors feel mocks slavery; and Nike has cancelled their plans to launch a shoe called the Air Yes Massah.

Sunday in San Diego, they had the annual dog surfing contest where all proceeds went to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. And that is today’s story that the Taliban will not understand.

The head of the Pakistan Taliban, Hafiz Gul Bahadur, has banned U.S. donated children’s polio vaccines in protest over drone missiles killing terrorists. Hafiz Gul Bahadur in Arabic translates to: Next guy to be killed by a drone missile.

In India, a father, upset over his daughter’s infidelities and eloped marriage, beheaded her with a sword and paraded in the street brandishing her head. Thus ending forever his chances of winning Father of the Year.

In San Diego, a proposal to get legalized medical marijuana on the ballot failed because the supporters did not get enough signatures; gosh, I wonder how that happened? (Cough) “Dude, I thought you were getting signatures.” “No, (hack) dude, I thought you were.”

The big question is who will be Mitt Romney’s running mate? Herman Cain was interested in becoming the vice president until he found it he wouldn’t actually be the president of vice.



Since you asked:

Enough is enough. OK, I’ll give you my recipe for Lex’s Rosemary and Parmesan cheese golden-roasted french fries.

Get Yukon golds and cut them into 1/8’s lengthwise to resemble steak fries. Soak them in water.

Drain and put potatoes into a bowl. Drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with Old Bay seasoning, smoked paprika, sea salt, fresh pepper and chopped fresh rosemary and chopped fresh chives.

Place in an 400 degree oven for twenty minutes. Take them out, flip them with a flipper-thingie/spatula and then sprinkle on shredded Parmesan cheese and put back in the oven for another 20 minutes.

Serve with ketchup. 

Go Cubs. Beat those tacky Southsider smelly cotton foot garment.  

" I wasn't very far off," Tiger Woods said after a Saturday 75. He used to lie only to reporters. Now he's lying to himself.


- "Sports Illustrated" golf expert, Alan Shipnuck -


Did I mention the corporate culture at Nike is festering toilet bowl of brown-nosing, jock-sniffing sycophants swirled in with impossibly arrogant and pompous douche bags? 

No? I meant to.  


$100,000. Nike. Just do it, bitches.

That, my Slats and Nugs, is a hammock.

Penis broken. Use finger.

Penis broken. Use finger.

Led Zeppelin - Fool In The Rain

 The head of the Pakistan Taliban, Hafiz Gul Bahadur, has banned U.S. donated children’s polio vaccines in protest over drone missiles killing terrorists. Hafiz Gul Bahadur in Arabic translates to: Next guy to be killed by a drone missile.

Hot blonde in bikini learns how to stand up paddle (SUP). Stand Up Paddl...

Look out, everybody, it's another surfing' daaaawwwwwwwg	12:27 PM (0 minutes ago)

 I’m-ah, I’m-ah, I’m-ah, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Nude pictures of Snookie have leaked out on to the Internet and now the Internet has a nasty STD.

A judge refused boxer Floyd Meriweather Jr.’s request to leave jail due to health reasons. Apparently trying to maintain your rectal virginity doesn’t qualify as a health reason. 

Recording artists Drake and Chris Brown got into a New York City club brawl and Chris Brown tweeted a picture of a nasty gash on his chin. From now on Brown will stick to beating up people he can handle, namely female singers.

Tiger Woods shot a 69 to be in contention at the US Open. At the last hole, Tiger took off his hat to shake hands and, well, he is very thin up top. From golf god and husband of a Swedish swimsuit model to a balding divorcee hitting on Waffle House waitresses. That is a John Edwards/Mel Gibson level fall.

Since you asked:

Just saw a bunch of AP behind-the-scenes pictures of the President. Every meal is a meeting, endless ceremonies and awards with a speech given at all, interviews and phone calls and fancy dinner parties/balls, followed by late night meetings.

Not a lot of surfing with dolphins at La Jolla Shores, scarfing down two fish tacos washed down with margaritas on the rocks followed by a two hour US Open/nap couch session and then grilling bone-in ribeyes with a red wine reduction sauce while playing "Words with Friends" and dancing to the Rolling Stones.

Thus ends this weeks session of Why Your Pal, Lex, is Not Running for President.

Oh, and Nike sucks giant moose hind boobies.