Midge's big four nine
Happy 49th birthday to Madonna last Thursday. Anyone who has seen her dance-filled show knows Madonna doesn’t act her age. Of course, anyone who has ever seen Madonna’s movies knows Madonna doesn’t act anything.
Former two-time All Star, Jose Offerman, was arrested for assault after attacking a minor league pitcher and catcher with a bat. This sets a tricky precedent of intervening law with sports. Now the Kansas City Royals could be arrested for fraud and impersonating a pro baseball team.
David Beckham scored and had an assist in the LA Galaxy’s 2-0 win over DC United, but in front of only 12,000 fans in Carson, CA. If this keeps up, the $250 mil Beckham could prove to be the worst investment in sports since the Atlanta Falcons launched a Michael Vick doggie sweater.
Michael Vick is considering a plea bargain in his federal dog fighting case that would include at least a year of prison. Prison will be rough on a convicted dog killer. At least Vick doesn’t have to wonder what his prison name will be, that is going to be Vicky.
The Illinois Gay Rodeo Association is hosting the Windy City gay rodeo on August 25, 26th. How can cowboys be gay? They wear big wide brimmed hats, scarves, snap button shirts, skin tight blue jeans and boots and they walk bow legged? Oh, yeah. Now I get it.
The gay rodeo is the only rodeo where the horse and rider rock paper scissors who gets to be on top.
In the gay rodeo, the event bareback bronc riding is called Brokeback Mounting.
In the gay rodeo the riders hang on until they hear the tinkerbell.
At the gay rodeo the concession stands sell Tofu Jerky
At the gay rodeo the rodeo clowns look suspiciously like Richard Simmons.
At the gay rodeo one of the events is to see how can ride the saddle horn the longest.
At the gay rodeo instead of Yippie-kie-yay, they say “That Skippy Guy’s Gay.”
A Frenchman, Anselme Cote, is building the world’s fastest moving sidewalk capable of up to seven-miles-an-hour; it started as a French military project to develop a faster way to retreat.
After a year, Italy’s Marco Materazzi admitted what he said to France’s Zinedine Zidane to cause Zidane’s World Cup final head-butt ejection. In response to Zidane’s offer of his jersey, Materazzi said; “I prefer your whore sister.” Yeah. The spat continued after the game when Zidane’s sister hit Materazzi with a huge bag of coins.
Since you asked:
It is official, Slats and Nugsters, I am hooked. You can call me a Stand Up Paddleboarding fool, I don’t mind.
Yesterday morning at 6:30 am in La Jolla Shores, thanks to borrowing a board from Mitch of Mitch’s Surf Shop of La Jolla, I rode my first board-only wave (Have done it many, many times but on a windsurfer and holding a sail doesn’t officially count) as the sunrise burst over Mount Soledad. It was amazing. In fact, it bordered on a religious experience.
The water was clear as vodka and glassy with entertaining and well-shaped one to two-foot rollers. My first time I paddled out I went more than half-way to the La Jolla Cove across the way. When the seagulls hovered I did have one creepy flashback to “Jaws” but that was the only negative. That and I lost my Ironman watch after getting munched in the breaker. Oh, well. It was more than worth it.
In fact, my next spec piece is a humorous "How to" piece on Stand Up Paddleboarding. It will ask the question: what happens when a big, strong, forty (cough) something stand-up comedian collides with the fast growing sport of stand up paddleboarding? The answer is sure to be funny whether he wants it to be or not.
The title? “A Stand Up Guy.”