The brass here at “A Little Bit Bad” has spared no expense and we have planted a hidden microphone at the republican convention green room and here is what we caught on tape:

“It may be the vodka talking, but dammit, that Laura Bush is hot, hot, hot.”

“I thought it was your turn to check Michael Moore’s cage?”

“Did you hear the rumor? Five little words: Arnold groped a Bush twin.”

“Seriously, I don’t got nothing against those whiney, whimpy, broke-ass democrats, but that’s just me, Dick Cheney.”

“Quick, get these John-Kerry-big-ass-head jokes translated to Hooked-on-Phonics for the President.”

“No question, republican hookers are way better than democrat hookers.”

“Psst, keep it quiet, but we're collecting donations for Ralph Nader’s campaign.”

“You didn’t hear this from me, but John Edwards? Gayer than a Bay Area potpourri store.”

"Destroy this copy of the Bush twins in the "Girls Gone Wild" video before the press sees it."

"Man, I haven't been this hungover since the last time George W. fell off the wagon."

"No lie, I know a guy from his club. John Kerry wears tighty whities."

"For the love of god, do not go into that bathroom, Michael Moore was just in there."