New meaning to pitcher
New York Yankees pitcher David Wells said he pitched his no-hitter half–drunk. Today the Chicago Cubs installed a beer tap in their Wrigley Field bullpen.
Now that's just wrong
Some ugly information is coming out during the Robert Blake preliminary hearing. You know when Blake took his wife out to dinner right before he shot her? He stuck her with the dinner tab.
How much did it rain?
It rained so much in Los Angeles this week, Robert Blake’s alibi isn’t the only thing that’s all wet.
And you don't have to pick up the tab
Have you heard about the hot new drink in L.A. bars? The Robert Blake. It consists of a couple of after dinner shots.
Available on "Hooked on Phonics”
Toni Smith, a women's college basketball player at Manhattanville College, has refused to face the American flag during the national anthem in protest her dislike of our government. Smith is writing a book about her experience; “An Idiots Guide to Fifteen Minutes of Fame.”
They could be worse
David Wells claims up to 40 percent of major leaguers use steroids and says amphetamines are readily available in baseball clubhouses. That means that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays would be even lousier if they weren’t jacked-up on drugs.
How cold was it?
It has been cold and rainy here in L.A. this week. Yesterday, I was shaking like I was having dinner with Robert Blake and we just finished dessert.
Keep it in your pants, Lance
Lance Armstrong is getting divorced. Rumor has it that, well, let’s just say somebody else has been shifting Lance’s gears. (Get the rim shots ready)
Yep, some other woman has been giving Lance the ol’ Tour de France, if you know what I mean.
Yep, some other little hottie has been pedaling down Lance’s Champs Elysees if you get my drift.
Yep, Lance has been coasting down some other woman’s Alps if you see what I’m sayin’.
When Lance said he’s been putting a lot of time in the saddle, it hasn’t all been on a bike, if you follow my meaning.
Show me the money
The NFL’s all time leading rusher Emmitt Smith has been released from the Dallas Cowboys. Emmitt said it was not about the money. Of course it’s not about the money. It’s about the respect, recognition and high esteem that comes from the money.
Tres bon bon
A U.N agency warned nearly one-third of all Europeans are obese because of fast-food consumption and sedentary lifestyles, and nations must encourage healthier habits. Except for the French, they are in pretty good shape from all of their retreating, arm raising and back peddling.
Sir Charles in charge
On TNT Charles Barkley said he uses the controversial weight loss drug ephedra. And apparently, not only is Charles healthy, but from looking at him it is clear the ephedra is working about as well as the Rogaine he is taking.
TNT announcer Charles Barkley once claimed he was misquoted in his own book. See that? You can’t ever trust the press, even when it’s yourself.
Finally, some sad news
We lost one of the good ones. Mr. Rogers passed away at age 74. Can you say crestfallen? Sure you can.