Breaking Martha news
*This just in: They have found new information that would both exonerate Martha Stewart as well as declare her trial a mistrial. April fools, Martha, just kidding, no, you're still going to the slammer.
What a shame
*Did you know that, this year, Arnold Schwarzenegger took a course on sexual harassment? Arnold was very disappointed, though. Turns out the class was about how to prevent sexual harassment.
A breed apart
*A survey says people really do tend to look like their dogs. If that's true than Richard Simmons must have a poodle/pitt bull mix. A Pitt Poodle.
*Pudgy exercise guru Richard Simmons was charged with slapping a man at the Phoenix airport who made fun of Simmons. Uh no, I just called Richard Simmons a pudgy exercise guru, he's gonna beat the crap out of me.
Not a good sign
*Construction for the Athens Olympics is lagging way behind for completion in time for the games. It's not looking good. Construction on the Parthenon began in 440 B.C. and they still haven't finished the roof.
How trimmed is it?
*Athens has already exceeded its Olympic budget of $7.5 billion and more projects could be trimmed to reduce spending. How much has to be trimmed? Let's put it this way: The sprinters will be competing in the 78 and 1/2 meters.
Instead of providing a landing pit, the pole vaulters will be asked to wear a mattress strapped to their backs.
Do our part
Can you believe the price of gas? We need to do something. Let's start a rumor that Venezuela is hiding weapons of mass destruction.
This is how expensive gas is: When she heard I filled up my tank, Anna Nicole Smith proposed.
Side of Rice
More trouble for Condoleezza Rice. Today the Senate commision determined that, among other things, Condoleezza Rice violates the Atkins diet.
You know, it's interesting, but in Italy, if you rent a Condo and you violate your Condoleezza, you forfeit your deposit. It's gone. Forget it.
Size 12, coming up
*Did you know that in Iraq, hitting someone with a shoe is the ultimate insult? Why do I suddenly think that there is a big ol' dirty Army boot in Saddam Hussein's immediate future?
Since you asked:
If I may, Slats and Nugs, I would like to quote the title song from "A Mighty Wind"
There's a mighty wind a blowin,' 'cross the land and sea, it's blowin' peace and freedom, it's blowin' you and me.
How true . . . how true . . . how . . . true. (Polite Applause)
"A Mighty Wind" is funny. It's not as good as "Best in Show" but it is funny. As with "Best in Show" and "Spinal Tap" there is just something patently funny about good actors who can portray characters that take themselves way too seriously.
The folk singers in "A Mighty Wind" are so corny, earnest and self-righteous, for everyone who plays in a band, it should be a study on what not to do. It is a real talent for an actor to portray someone who takes themselves far too seriously. They have to be in on the joke but they also have to make it believable. Parker Posey's range from her characters in "Best in Show" and "A Mighty Wind" is impressive. Frigid Yuppie Snotty rhymes-with-witch, to incredibly perky and hammy folk singer. Nice.
And, once again, Fred Willard steals the movie. "Wha' happen'?"