Saturday, September 19, 2015

Now, I want you to remember this picture because I am about to write an awful joke about three entities, all of whom I greatly admire.

Carly Fiorina said she wanted her Secret Service codename to be Secretariat. There is no truth to the nasty rumor that Carly and Secretariat once dated and their love child is Sarah Jessica Parker. No truth at all. The dates are off by years. 


Plus this

Does not, repeat, does not equal this. Period. 

the supremes where did our love go

A study of NFL player’s autopsies showed 87 of 91 had the brain disease C.T.E. The NFL responded they support brain disease research. That’s like being accused of burning down someone’s house and saying you support Smokey Bear.

Donald Trump is still in trouble for not correcting a questioner at a speech who said President Obama was Muslim. In fact, all Trump said was; “Sit down, son, I’ll talk to you later.”

Is it just me or does Ted Cruz look like the guy wearing the clip-on tie at the car mechanic who says; “We don’t have to rebuild your engine, but if it was my family’s safety at risk, I would.”

Former Hollywood Madam, Heidi Fliess, announced she is auctioning her customer book on E-Bay. To which Bill Clinton shouted; “Sold!”

Jose Conseco posted on Twitter that his little dog, Lily, is missing. Jose tried to recall when he last saw Lily, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

More fallout from the debate. When they asked the candidates what they wanted their Secret Service codename to be, Carly Fiorina said “Secretariat.” The mics caught Donald Trump saying; “Hey Carly, they said codename, not dream date.”

Taco Bell has opened an upper-scale restaurant called Cantina Taco Bell. Primarily because it’s impossible to open a lower-scale restaurant than Taco Bell.

Friday, September 18, 2015

During the GOP debate, Donald Trump said the Iran Nuclear deal was one of the worst deals he’s ever seen. So at least we don’t have to worry about the Iran deal going bankrupt. Four times. 

During the last GOP debate only Jeb Bush fessed to having smoked pot in college. Now, I like Carly Fiorina, but I dated women like her in college and I promise you, at Stanford, Carly was doing bong-hits, tequila shots and dancing for drunken, hooting frat boys to Joe Cocker’s version “You Can Leave Your Hat On"

Success is the ability to have failure shoot your optimism right past rank stupidity.