Last week, I’m not sure the younger “American Idol” contestants got the Rolling Stones songs they sang. Like that one guy who dedicated his song to the memory of Keith Richards.
In her interview with “GQ” John Edwards mistress, Rielle Hunter, said she slept with Edwards on their first date and had his illegitimate child, but she did not feel like his Mistress. No, sweety, once you take money every month, you’re not a mistress, technically you’re a Ho.
ABBA was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; this is twenty years to the day ABBA was inducted into the Dyslexic Bands Fame of Hall. Along with Aja.
Mardi Gras ended recently, Wednesday is St. Patrick’s Day and March Madness begins. This is the Christmas time for degenerate drunks and gamblers.
Fox announced they are canceling “24” after this season. Oh my word, do you know what this means? Evil terrorists have taken over Fox. Call Jack Bauer.
A TV station in Chicago has ordered its broadcasters to stop using cliché newspeak words. For more on this uber-scandal-gate saga, we will literally update you at the point in time we come back after the break, so stay tuned, we’ll be right back. (Cue: circa 1965 fake typing noises)
A TV station in Chicago ordered its broadcasters to stop using newspeak words. That’s great because OMG, for sure, people are like totally so, like, tired of weak language and whatever, duh.
Are you ready for the NCAA tournament? Let me give you an inside tip. Go with the New Jersey Institute Spray Tanners to upset the Florida Teacher College Student Humpers.
Tragically, an airplane making an emergency landing on a beach on South Carolina hit and killed a jogger. And yet you never hear of an airplane landing on a guy lying on his couch eating Doritos.
German researchers claim they are close to inventing an invisibility cloak. And yet still no flying cars. This invisibility cloak information would be really exciting to me if I was still 12-years-old.
Since you asked:
Rest in peace, Fess Parker. Met the man once in Santa Barbara and he was everything I hoped he would be: tall, handsome even as an older dude and friendly and polite. A true old school California class act.
My love for Daniel Boone knew no limits as a child. Of course I had the raccoon hat, the buckskin fringe jacket, the musket and powder horn and the lace up moccasins. Now if I wore that outfit I would look like the missing Village Person.
The only problem I had with the Daniel Boone TV show was the scenes shot in a studio, the sets were god awful. The one outside of Boone’s log cabin had trees that looked like they were on a train set.
The outdoor shots were fine even if they were filmed in and around Big Bear in the mountains east of Los Angeles. At that age I was not aware of the now obvious differences between the topography of the mountains of California and Kentucky.
And let us get down to both the nitty and the gritty, Slatinoss and Nugsasi. What in the coonskin cap go-to-hell was the deal with Mingo, Boone’s side kick? An Oxford educated Cherokee? Harvard wasn’t good enough? And how did he pick up such a thick English accent in just four years of college? But I guess if Pennsylvanian Joe Namath can pick up a southern accent for life in four years at Alabama, it can happen.
But that Mingo/Boone relationship now makes Batman and Robin look macho. Seriously, camping out together for weeks at a time? Not that there is anything wrong with that. There was more than a little “Brokeback Mountain” in that relationship, if you ask me.
As vividly as anything, I can still remember when the actor, Ed Ames made his famous crotch-throwing tomahawk appearance on “The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.” While the rest of the nation laughed, my youthful innocence was slowly dying inside. Where was Mingo’s long hair? And why is he so damn crappy at throwing the tomahawk?
Oh, and can I add one small lost innocence cynical observation? Someone on that show, a writer, a producer or a director, was heavily into bondage. It would be impossible to count the number of time Boone's wife or a female neighbor was captured by the Indians and tied up against a tree.
When I was playing Daniel Boone with my neighbor, Debbie, she was Mrs Boone and I tied her to their pipe in the basement. It was at the tender age of about ten I learned something interesting: tied up girls are fun.
Dear "American Idol" contestant Casey James:
Yes, we, all the really good people here at a.L.b.B., are fans. We want you to win. So for the love of all that is decent, please do the White Stripes (Jack White) "Seven Nation Army" and hit those power chords and sexy it up. Kara will have to be attended to.