Work it, work it, work it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
There was a scary moment at the San Francisco Forty Niner’s practice facility. They thought receiver Terrell Owens may have seriously hurt his ankle. Turns out it Owens just broke a red pen in his sock.
After suffering a serious concussion in Carolina’s loss to Atlanta Sunday, quarterback Chris Weinke said he remembers what he had for breakfast that day, and nothing else. To which Oakland Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski replied; “Yeah, hic, so?”
P.S. The definition of a mild concussion? One that occurs to someone other than you.
Reports have come back that Nick Nolte was on the date rape drug when he was arrested for drunk driving recently. In the article, it described Nolte’s mug shot as showing a “slightly disheveled Nick Nolte.” Nolte was slightly disheveled like Michael Jackson has an unusual nose. Slightly disheveled? Nolte was as fried as a bucket of the Colonel’s extra crispy.
As a result of using the date rape drug on himself, Nolte has also filed sexual harassment charges against himself. In addition, Nolte is being sued by director Tim Burton for the unauthorized imitation of his character Beetlejuice in Nolte’s mug shot.
Following the release of her scantily-clad, hip thrusting provocative and oily video “Dirrty”, pop star Christine Augilera appears naked with a guitar on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. I think I speak for everyone when I say; OK, Christine, you’re a slut, we got it. Enough.
Former nine-year NFL player Esera Tuaolo disclosed in an HBO special that he is gay. Tuaolo was a defensive lineman. He tried being a quarterback, but every time he put his hands under the center to take the snap, he would change the play for ten minutes. Like I said, he tried being a quarterback, but after every time he put his hands under the center to take the snap, he would send the center roses and a thank you card.
The World Series is all tied up at two apiece between the Anaheim Angels and the San Francisco Giants. To give you an idea how tense things are, today they caught the Rally Monkey using his bananas to make daiquiris.
The U.S. is weighing different options to force North Korean nuclear disarmament. Here is my idea: threaten Korea with an army of Dog Catchers; that would disrupt the entire country’s dinner plans.
Taco Bell had a big floating 15-foot disc in McCovey cove, the water outside of Pac Bell park, and if anyone hits it with a home run, the entire country gets a free Taco at a specific day and time. And in an equally impossible cheesy promotional stunt, Old Navy will give everyone in the country a free t-shirt if one guy can get a date while wearing their denim painter pants.
In their tough 35-27 loss to the New Orleans Saints, last week the San Francisco Giant’s Terrell Owens dropped two key passes in the last forty seconds. After Owen’s second drop, quarterback Jeff Garcia pulled a pen out of his sock and wrote on the ball: “Caution, Do Not Drop.”