In Spain, actor Orlando Bloom slugged Justin Bieber. Bloom could be charged with one count of assault and five counts of awesomeness. 

The NFL announced they are placing tracking chips in player's shoulder pads to measure how far and fast they run in a game. This from the league that still measures first downs with three guys, two sticks and a chain. 

Rumor has it there are problems between Kanye West and Kim Kardashian; well who in the world could have seen this coming? Oh, yeah, absolutely everyone.

A Maryland golfer claims he found a golf ball of President Obama’s. Which is odd because usually Obama’s balls are in Michelle’s purse.

In Chicago, two older men are wanted for robbing a pharmacy of Viagra. Police say they are considered armed and extremely amorous.

As my comedy writing friend, Jim Barach, noted, they are looking at hard time. 

At a club in Spain, Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber; Bloom will not be charged because he missed Bieber, Bieber will not be charged because he cannot get arrested as a singer.

Following their Derek Jeter “Re2pect” campaign, Nike now has LeBron James shirts that say “Striv2 For Greatn3ss” using his number 23 for the letters E. Here is my question: How did all of Nike suddenly contract dyslexia?

As a result of the viral clip of Denver Bronco QB, Peyton Manning, dancing badly to “Rocky Top”, NFL defenses have a new three part strategy against Manning. Step one, play “Rocky Top” on the PA system. Step two, remove the ball from a spasm-induced Manning, Step Three, walk into the end zone.

Following their Derek Jeter “Re2pect” campaign, Nike now has LeBron James shirts that say “Striv2 For Greatn3ss” using his number 23 for letters. If you ask me that is a 5hitty id3a.

Byron Scott has been named the head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, or, more specifically, the next person Kobe Bryant will have fired.

President Obama announced he is placing new sanctions on Russia. Sanctions one, four and six are for Putin to put on a damn shirt.

The Baltimore Ravens have had five arrests in the off-season. It is so bad, “Netflix” is making a series about the Ravens called: “Orange is the New Purple and Black.”

A giant water main burst on the UCLA campus. It was so bad that, if this happened at nearby USC, it could have washed some football players inside a classroom.

A giant water main burst on Sunset Blvd in LA. There was so much water it actually extinguished Donald Sterling’s burning cross.

Tri Tip

Byron Scott has been named the head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers, or, more specifically, the next person Kobe Bryant will have fired.

President Obama announced he is placing new sanctions on Russia. Sanctions one, four and six are for Putin to put on a damn shirt.

The Baltimore Ravens have had five arrests in the off-season. It is so bad, “Netflix” is making a series about the Ravens called: “Orange is the New Purple and Black.”

A giant water main burst on the UCLA campus. It was so bad that, if this happened at nearby USC, it could have washed a football player inside a classroom.

A giant water main burst on Sunset Blvd in LA. There was so much water it actually extinguished Donald Sterling’s burning cross.

Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones 1995

Let's do some living, after we'll die, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Apparently it is not possible for the human brain - at least my brain, anyway - to remember how beautiful Santa Barbara is when you return. Wonderful weekend with and at the wonderful Wopats with my cherished Sam Adams/UCSB track friends. 

Scientist say California is having its worst drought in 500 years; it is so dry, the San Diego Padres are choking off the field too.

Hostess is bringing back the chocolate-covered Twinkie and Lays now has chocolate-covered potato chips.  To which stoners responded by inventing the chocolate-covered bong.

In San Diego, the Comic Con concluded peacefully. Thank goodness there was no nerd- on- nerd crime like the year the one Trekkie threw a Hot Pocket at a Star Warrior.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford broke his little toe while working out. Amazing. The last time Ford worked out was 20 years ago which is also the last time he saw his little toe.



Since you asked:

Had so much fun in Santa Barbara with my good friends, I actually had a blast playing golf. But by the 16^th hole on a hot day, I was all-in. When my buddy Mark O’ asked;

“Hey, Lex, what did you have on the last hole?” I replied:

“Narcolepsy.”