In the Women’s World Cup soccer quarterfinal, Germany beat France in the “Where have we heard that before?” bowl.

Univision dumped Donald Trump’s “Miss USA Pageant” TV coverage over Trump’s pejorative remarks about Mexican immigrants. Now Trump is trying to make nice. Today that thing on Trump’s head was wearing sombrero.

As if Donald Trump wasn’t having enough of a bad week with Univision dumping his Miss USA pageant, now that gay marriage has passed, that thing on Trump’s head wants to marry his cat.

Supreme Court rules in favor of gay marriage and ObamaCare. The only way this week gets any worse for Donald Trump is if there is a ban on hair spray.

Poor Sarah Palin. Bristol Palin is pregnant again, “Fox News” has fired her and ObamaCare and gay marriage were approved. The only way this week gets any worse for Sarah Palin is if her husband, Todd, transitions to a Caitlyn too.

The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage across the country. “Oh. Great. Super. Goody,” said gay people hoping to put off getting married. 

The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage across the country. The two happiest people are gay people who want to get married, and straight married men who believe misery loves company.

Disneyland has banned selfie sticks. Now the happiest place on earth is now one of the least douchiest places on earth.

Minnesota Vikings, Josh Robinson, tweeted his displeasure at the gay marriage ruling and compared gay marriage to pedophilia and incest. No offense, Josh, but I am going to wait and hear what the second stupidest man in the NFL thinks.

The US women’s soccer team faces China in the quarterfinals of the World’s Cup. The US is a heavy favorite expecting to outdrive China to the World Cup. Why are you looking at me like that? What did I say?

Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol Palin, is pregnant out-of-wedlock for the second time. In a related story, Bristol’s speaking fee on abstinence might have to come down.

A study claims that for the first time ever, anywhere, the US has more obese people than overweight people. You know what this means? We’re #1. We’re #1.

As a result of the items retrieved in the Seal raid, it has been revealed Osama bin Laden had quite a porn collection. That’s why his nickname was Osama Bin Snappin’.

Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol Palin, is pregnant out-of-wedlock for the second time. It will be interesting to see how Sarah Palin blames Obama for this.

Scientists claim they have made a vaccine for chlamydia. Prior to this the only way a man could insure he would not get chlamydia was to be a Star Trek fan.

"All-right, buh-bye, all-right."

Seth Meyer's brother, Josh, looks like the unholy spawn of Matthew McConaughey and David Spade. 

Rap mogul Sean Combs, aka, P. Diddy, was arrested for attacking his son’s UCLA football coach with a kettlebell weight. Diddy would have attacked the coach with a gayer gym item, but there wasn’t a pink yoga mat handy.

A DNA lab determined KFC did not serve a man a fried rat. This explains KFC’s new ad: “Now made with 100% less rodents.”