Some of this

Some of this

Followed by a lot of this tonight




"I'm so excited about Kim Kardashian's wedding I could cry," said no straight man. First ever wedding dress that has a train and a caboose.

Well slap me baffy-headed and call me Dwayne, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Did you see CNN’s Anderson Cooper giggling over the Gerard Depardieu plane-peeing story? My word, thirteen-year-old girls were calling to complain he sounded girlishly silly.

Did you see CNN’s Anderson Cooper giggling over the Gerard Depardieu plane-peeing story? He squeaked, giggled and cried. Well, that ought to end all the gay rumors.

French actor Gerard Depardieu got drunk and urinated on a French plane’s carpet. Luckily for the airlines cleaning crew it was not Gerard Depardieu-dieu.

His P.R. people said he was preparing for a role. “The Whizzard of Oz.”

When asked if he did it to get a commercial role, Depardieu said; “Depends.”

Even the French consider peeing in a plane cabin rude.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry said he does not believe in global warming. He says he just keeps getting hotter looking naturally.

Is it just me, or does Rick Perry look like a guy who brandishes a golden toothpick after a steak dinner?

Is it just me, or does Rick Perry look like a guy who stuffs a napkin into his collar before he starts loudly slurping up spaghetti?

Have you heard about the accusations of the University of Miami football team? Hookers, drugs, bribes, lavish hotel suites, yachts. That isn’t a football team, that’s a weekend with Charlie Sheen.

Lesson 10: Catching a Wave

Everything you need to know, nothing you don't need to know

This just in:

In Kentucky, contestants at the state clogging championship fell ill. It is the first reported case of cloggers making themselves sick instead of the audience.

Live - Lightning Crashes

Da Kine Wahini, Brah

For whatever the reasons the fates have, this song has been haunting my iPod and radio for the whole week. (Warning: video a tad disturbing)

New research reveals $360 million dollars of US aid to Afghanistan has been re-directed to terrorists groups. This is the kind of information that is likely to make me change my mind about building a summer home in Kabul.

I like that Rick Perry, he reminds me of a guy who likes to tinkle his scotch rocks tumbler in one hand while shaking and popping cocktail peanuts in his mouth with the other while saying "Conception-wise" "Let me play with the numbers" and "a win-win scenario" a lot.

Is it just me or does Rick Perry look like a guy who, when he gives a speech, has people playing B.S. Bingo yelling "B.S." every two minutes?

Since you asked:

Last night had friends over so I grilled pizzas on the grill.

Our awesome local bakery, Village Mill Bakery, has these great pre-formed slightly baked pizza doughs. Sautee onions, peppers, pork sausage. Slather on pizza sauce, lots of cheese, liberal amount of onions, sausage and peppers, put on pepperonis and top with chopped olives.

In the grill on top of a stone on top of a metal platform for ten minutes, garnish with chopped parsley.

Badaboom, badabing, badaboop. Virg made a tasty salad, red wine, music, my Andre the Giant imitation of the Dread Pirate Roberts, fun had by all.

I Love You Man - "You're a whore Peter"

This just in:

Actor, Gerard Depardieu, who drank five bottles of wine, urinated in the aisle of an Air France flight. He faces charges of public intoxication, indecent exposure and proliferating a hilarious French stereotype.

After the flight, Depardieu cursed French stereotypes and then donned a beret and hopped on his bicycle to buy a baguette.



Texas Gov. Rick Perry told a New Hampshire crowd he does not believe in global warming. He then caught his reflection in a mirror and spent the next twenty minutes combing his hair admiringly.

Is it just me, or does Rick Perry look like the guy handing over the huge cardboard check to the winner of a golf tournament?

At the Iowa Ames Straw Poll, Michele Bachman's husband, Marcus, denied that he called homosexuals barbarians. He then went on to add;

"So don't be such a snarkypants or I shant be inviting you to my posh "Tony Awards" soiree."


The lawsuit of a Kentucky man who is suing his doctor for amputating his penis is set to go to trial. The defendant is hoping for an all-female jury.

Is it just me, or does Rick Perry look like he should be on the box of "Just For Men" hair color?

Train - Cab

Damn if I don't sometimes feel like the only cab on the road

This is the torture device I rented to stand up paddle board at AT&T park in San Francisco.

At a rally in North Carolina, Michele Bachman asked the crowd to remember Elvis on his birthday today. Problem is, today, August, 16th, is the day Elvis died. When a crowd member yelled; "He died today," Bachman glared at him with her crazy "Newsweek" eyes and he burst into flames.

I Love You, Man - Anybody Want A Peanut

"I am the dweahd piwhaaaht whahbuuuahts. "

(I am the dread pirate Roberts)

This is what the Cardiff Kook (Magic Carpet Ride) looks like "normally."

This is what it looked like Saturday until the Encinitas City Council had it ripped down. Proving once again the Encinitas City Council of Stocks and Bonds has as much a sense of humor as does Donald Trump about his hair. What a bunch of pompous wankers.


Headline reads: "World's Largest Rodent Spotted in California." OK, maybe it is time the press takes it easier on Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Prince Harry and his lingerie super model girlfriend broke up. Gosh darn it, if there was just some way a handsome young billionaire helicopter pilot prince could find a way to meet women.

To give you an idea how spoiled Prince Harry is with women, he had Pippa Middleton and he threw her back into the lake. I am trying as hard as I can, but I can't think of a reason why a guy would break up with a lingerie super model;

"OK, honey, everyone deserves a second chance. Just promise me you won't lace my tea with arsenic again. The paramedics said I almost died."

Laird at Hanalei on his Laird Pro SUP Board

One can only dream it could be this easy

Djibouti, Tofutti, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers


Texas Rep. Gov. Rick Perry is running for President. I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy at the 30th high school reunion who asks if you've heard the story about him scoring the winning touchdown during homecoming and when you say yes, he tells you anyway.

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy who only drinks 12-year-old scotch.

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy who brags about the resale value of his Cadillac.

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy who likes to slap people on the back and call them sport.

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy who adjusts his diamond cufflinks a lot.

Texas Rep. Gov. Rick Perry is running for President. I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy in meetings who says; "Let's run this up the flag pole and see who salutes" a lot.

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy who orders a steak rare by saying; "Just cut off the horns and run it through a warm kitchen."

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the car salesman who greets people with the question; "What can I do you for?"

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the guy at the company picnic who does the ""I stole your nose" trick to kids way too old to fall for it.

I like Rick Perry, he looks like the evil Texas oilman, Dirk Rockfort, on "Days of Our Lives."

Is it just me, or do Rep. candidates, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry, look like that over-enthusiastic couple pitching a faux-diamond necklace on "QVC"?

In The Arms Of an Angel - Sarah McLaughlin

To my angel, Kasey-bear


Apparently rendered emotional after a good run, this came on my iPod. Luckily, I was sweating so much, my neighbor couldn't see my tears. We miss you so much, Monkey-pants.

"This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees."

This pretty woman weighted 500 lbs before she started stand up paddle boarding. That, of course, is a lie, but you got the idea.


You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Snooki is launching her own fragrance. And this time it is not a urinary infection. It is called "Obnoxious" by 'Ho'real.