I ain’t hearin’ any of that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Rancher
We kid the president
President Bush underwent his annual physical the other day and doctors say he is in excellent health. In fact, the doctor said the 58-year-old Bush had the body of a 30-year-old. The bad news? Bush has the brain of an 11-year-old.
The drug company Pfizer announced they are combining drugs with Lipitor. They should combine the anti-allergy drug Allegra with Viagra. That would give you an erection that’s nothing to sneeze at.
Did you know that the Army gives female enlistees free breast implants? In a related story, actress Lindsay Lohan was just promoted to Brigadier General.
This brings a whole new meaning to soldier's standing at attention.
Test results indicate that our 15-year olds did worse at math than the 15-year-olds in 20 other countries. When asked to comment, one of our 15-year-olds said; “Twenty other countries? Big deal, that’s only like a dozen.”
The re-gift that keeps on giving
Want an inexpensive gift idea for Christmas? Go to the back of the refrigerator, dig out Aunt Betty’s fruitcake from last year with the mold all over it, and give it as a Chia Pet.
What’s love got to do with it?
Former tennis player Anna Kournikova married Enrique Iglesias. Insiders say for Anna it is nothing but love, love, love. Just like her old tennis scores.
Now that’s a news story
A man in Florida was arrested for animal cruelty for biting his dog. That’s not the worst part. When the police game to arrest the guy, he humped their legs.
No, uh, sir, that’s, um, it doesn’t mean . . . never mind
A survey in Ottawa said President Bush’s visit did not improve the popularity of Canada’s southern neighbor, the contiguous United States. To which President Bush replied, “Hey, just ‘cause we don’t have enough flu vaccine, that doesn’t mean we’re sick, let alone contiguous.”
Since you asked:
Got a brand new pet peeve, Slats and Nugs. In addition to long-slow-diagonal-parking-lot-walkers, we can now add hello-non-responders.
Not to brag, but I’ve been around. As my departed and beloved Yazoo, Mississippi raised Grandmother Rodgers used to say about me, “He’s been to places and ‘et in hotels.” New York, Louisville, Santa Barbara, Chicago, Los Angeles, I’ve lived, not just visited, but lived in each. Never did I witness anything like a phenomenon that occurs right here in Del Mar and Carmel Valley: People who do not respond when said hello to.
Even in New York City, if you said hello to someone, after recovering from the shock, they would blurt out a hello, even if it was followed by a “and go screw yourself.” At least it would be a response. Around the eastern Del Mar area and in Del Mar proper, you can say hello to ten people and not get one returned hello.
Don’t get me wrong, saying hello can be annoying at times. When I worked with a brokerage firm in downtown San Diego, in a meeting I actually proposed that you only have to say hello to a person once a day and not each of the thirty times you pass them in the hall. But you have to, at least, give and get that first hello.
If neither party gives a hello, that’s fine. No hello is required and perfectly natural. Sometimes you can size up that a person is not hello worthy and there is no harm done. (See: anyone in a USC or Oakland Raiders jacket) But when a hello is launched, even if the deliverer is assessed to be sketchy at best, a hello must be returned.
We, my wife and I, belong to a local gym that is fancy by gym standards. It tries to pass itself off as a spa and country club, but it is really just a fancy gym. You would think that our fellow members would feel enough of a bond or camaraderie to return another member’s friendly hello. Not a chance. Not only won’t they say hello, they will close a door right on you after not returning said hello. (My personal favorite member is an amazingly fit and much-augmented trophy wife who, while on the stairmaster, constantly yammers on her cell phone – right under the "No-cell phones" sign – and then she drives off in her massive Hummer that she parks in the handicapped stall)
So, for fun, I now play a game with these hilariously arrogant members of the Pacific Athletic Club. When I say hello, and they just return a confused, blank stare, do I let it go at that? Oh, hell no. Now, after a blatant snub, I’ll say after them; “Well, it’s been good talking to you.” So they give me dirty looks and think I’m crazy, who cares? They’re snots anyway. There is no excuse for being snotty. None.
I’ve known some amazingly gifted and successful people who didn’t have a snotty bone in their body. Unfortunately, on the other hand, I’ve also known some truly, shall we say, underachieving and stupendously unimpressive folks who were amazingly snotty. But enough about my old French neighbors . . .
What is the non-hello deal? Is it a leftover “don’t talk to strangers” thing from childhood? Is it too much effort to say hello? Could they possibly be that lazy? Maybe it’s my being from the Midwest and they’re too-cool-for-school Californians?
As a friend said after I told them about this new non-hello-responder pet peeve; "Did you ever think that maybe it's just you?"( Well, now ex-friend) And he may be right. Truth be told, I am somewhat of an intimidating, masculine and burly type. As one girl recently described me, I am kind of on the Russell Crowe-ish side. (I don't have a picture on this blog, do I? No?OK, good. Whew) Yes, I'm definately a Russell Crowe-type, so maybe they're just scared. Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket.
Who was it that said that you can judge a person by how well they treat those who cannot directly benefit them? If there is any truth to that at all, these hello-non-responders are in for one long and arduous afterlife.
Where’s Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David's opinion when you need it? On second thought, as funny as they are, I would bet anything Seinfeld and David are hello-non-responders.