This is a thing, right Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
In no time
If you go on the Taco Bell Drive-thru diet, you will lose weight in no time; and I mean that, there is no time when you will ever lose weight.
Not it, her
Tiger Woods is on Vanity Fair. Not the magazine cover, some stripper named Vanity Fair.
How out of shape are we?
Have you seen the commercial for the Taco Bell drive-thru diet? It’s almost as effective as the Snuggie Exercise video.
That adds up
A biography on Warren Beatty claims the actor had sex with 12,775 women; and Tiger Woods had sex with all the rest.
A group of British researchers say the erogenous G-Spot on women does not exist. In a related story, a group of British women say they just can’t have orgasms with nerdy British researchers.
For the adventurer exercisers
A commercial claims a woman lost 54 pounds on the Taco Bell Drive-thru diet. Imagine how much she could have lost if she did the more exercise intense Taco Bell Park and Walk-In Diet?
Have you seen the commercial for the Taco Bell drive-thru diet? Don’t laugh, never underestimate the weight loss potential from contracting explosive diarrhea.
Here you go, girls
Tiger Woods is on the cover of “Vanity Fair” sweaty and shirtless; this is for the women who have not yet seen Tiger sweaty and shirtless, all 32 of you.
Bad news, good news
A Warren Beatty bio claims the actor had sex with 12,775 women and British researchers say the G-Spot on women does not exist; so, guys, the bad news is that Warren Beatty probably slept with your woman. The good news? He couldn’t find her G-Spot either.
Everyone got hurt
A 38-year-old Idaho teacher was sentenced to 20 years for having sex with her 13-year-old student. She isn’t the only one being punished, the 13-year-old’s student’s friends are sentenced to 20 years of listening to him brag about it.
She claims she was tutoring him in math by showing how many times 13 goes into 38.
Not that day
A bio on Warren Beatty claims he had sex with 12,775 women; Warren admits he was a virgin until 20, and he got married at 55. That gives him 35 years divided by 12,775 which equals 365 women a year, one for each day. Except for Valentines Day, where he hid for his dear life.
OK, here is my idea for a relatively inexpensive morning radio show:
Lex’s Comedy Workshop.
From 8:00 AM to 10:00 AM, I will take calls and discuss how I go about trying to write 25 topical jokes a day. We will discuss the news, last night’s monologue jokes and I will take suggestions and advice from callers on which jokes work and which need tweaking as I write them out on our show’s website.
From time to time we will have callers tell jokes and we will award prizes to the winner. In addition, we will post updates from the show on Twitter and Facebook and on my blog. And once a week we will submit a column to the “San Diego Union Tribune” listing the top ten jokes of that week. The blog and the newspaper column will generate more advertising revenue, Twitter and Facebook generating more listeners.
As I just got horribly burned financially from a radio personality I was writing for, I am looking to make up for that lost money. (How is it possible that the guy burned me for an entire quarter’s worth of work, time and money, and he ends up pissed off at me? You can either hose me for three months of payments and effort, or I get to be mad at you, you don’t get to have both )
This, shall we generously call it, financial error will be solved one way or the other in the near future, preferably not legally, but it will be solved.