I found out one of the secrets in;“Devine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood,” One of the Ya Ya sisters? Mike Piazza.

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Mike Tyson is recovering from the beating he took from Lennox Lewis. Today his eyes are still really puffy, but Tyson said that was just from crying at; “Devine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.”

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Roman Catholic Bishop J. Kendrick Williams of Lexington, Ky., resigned today amid accusations of sexual abuse. Of course, in Kentucky, sexual abuse means underage farm animals.

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In Florida a schoolteacher was arrested for prostitution. The teacher made a popular prostitute. If her customers didn’t do it right, she made them do it over and over again.

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A suspected American al-Qaida operative accused of plotting a radioactive ''dirty bomb'' attack on the United States has not been cooperative. It’s time to get serious with this clown. If he doesn’t talk we make him sit through an entire screening of “Devine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.”

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Paul McCartney is getting married in Scotland and all of rock royalty is there: Eric Clapton, Elton John, Mick Jagger. This is one wedding reception where you don’t have to live in fear of the Karaoke machine.

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It was up today, but have you seen the stock market lately? The Nasdaq makes my New Jersey Nets game five tickets look like a good investment.

I’ve got some inside information that the stock market is soon going to recover.. Apparently the FBI is selling now, so it is a good time to buy.

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Rumor has it that P. Diddy, a.k.a. Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, is back with Jennifer Lopez. Apparently after they first broke up, J. Lo just couldn’t find another man of Puffy’s caliber.

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France has been ousted by Denmark in the first round. France’ s citizen’s are upset. When the defeated players return, they plan to be rude to them and ignore them. In other words, treat them like normal.

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There was a solar eclipse yesterday. Everything was a little bit dimmer. It was like being George W. Bush for the afternoon.

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A British newspaper says the Queen is going to Knight Mick Jagger. I can just hear Jagger getting all cocky; “That would be Sir Jumping Jack Flash, to you, pal.”

This despite that embarrassing moment at a concert, many years ago, when Jagger dedicated a song to the Queen of England and proceeded to sing; “Bitch.”