Saturday, July 18, 2015

The balls involved in the Tom Brady football scandal were sold at an auction for $43,000. They’re a good investment, you don’t have to worry about inflation.

For the second day in a row, the British Open was postponed due to bad weather. What do they expect? Counting on good weather on the Scottish North Sea coast is like counting on scintillating conversation at the Kardashian’s dinner table.

Since you asked:

Anyone who thinks Donald Trump ruined his chances to become president because he insulted John McCain’s bravery is dead wrong.

Donald Trump never had a chance to be president. Ever. "The Huffington Post" was right to only cover Trump as an entertainer and not a viable candidate.

As US citizens, we may have a lot of faults. But we were never, ever going to elect a bloated, orange clown like Trump to be president. The reason Trump was leading in the polls – even at a paltry 16% - is because he is so damn entertaining.

Selfishly, as a comedy writer, I truly hoped Trump would have lasted much longer. As much as I detest Trump, even I could not have predicted The Donald stepping on his Trump this fast.

There may be others in this country so pompous, arrogant and ignorant they would run for president as a republican and then brutally insult the bravery of the top republican war hero, John McCain.

But only Donald Trump is pompuos, arrogant and ignorant enough to A, do it in the first place and then B, to lie about it and C, deny he owes McCain an apology.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, to paraphrase the great writer, Dan Jenkins referencing Tiger Woods six years ago

Donald Trump is graveyard dead.

Chi Coltrane - Thunder and lightning 1973

Donald Trump said of Sen. John McCain; “He’s a war hero because he got captured. I prefer people who don’t get captured.” 

Here are Donald Trump’s tips to avoid capture in Vietnam: Step one, dodge the draft. Step two, there is no step two.

In a speech, Donald Trump said; “I think god helped me by giving me a certain brain.” And here’s hoping he someday figures out how to install it.

Donald Trump said of Sen. John McCain; “He’s a war hero because he got captured. I prefer people who don’t get captured.” So Donald Trump thinks he could have avoided capture in Vietnam because his hair looks like he is hiding beneath palm fronds?

It is official. Donald Trump is such an ass-munch, he has munched through his own ass. As much as I hate to say it as a comedy writer, Trump is done. 

As a comedy writer, I hope and pray Donald Trump is not through as a candidate.  But, as someone who learned politics from an expert, my mother, I cannot believe Trump can survive making racist statements about all Mexican immigrants and insulting a war hero in his own party, Senator John McCain. 

For the republican leadership, House leader, John Boehner, simply has to grow a pair and kick Trump out. Let Trump and his bloated ego start a third party. The republicans can no longer stand to be the brunt of the jokes that are spewing out of Donald Trump's orange sour puss pie-hole. 

"Oh, but the Donald is not done," they say,"he is still leading the republicans in the polls."

Trump is leading with a paltry and sad 16%. That is the same 16% of the population who believe Jesus rode a unicorn across the sun.