The annual penis festival is being held in Kawasaki, Japan. That makes total sense. Some of the biggest dicks in the world ride Kawasaki motorcycles.

The New York Jets unveiled their new uniforms and they are not getting good reviews. The worst part? They still say New York Jets on them.

Not only are the New York Jets uniforms bad, but how long is it going to take a genius to figure out this #11 looks like the World Trade Center?















The New York Jets unveiled their new uniforms and they are not good.

The Jets' new uniforms look like the generic uniforms of a team from the future in a movie so bad it stars Vin Diesel instead of the Rock.






The New York Jets unveiled their new uniforms. How bad are they? After showing them, the Jets are now 0-3.






The New York Jets new uniforms were leaked online. And after seeing them, getting leaked on is what they're good for.







The New York Jets unveiled their new uniforms. Five words:

Haven't Jets fans suffered enough?






The New York Jets new uniforms are getting panned.

One smart-ass said they look like the football uniforms of a team from the future in a really bad video game. 

OK, that smart-ass was me.






The New York Jets new uniforms are getting bad reviews. The only positive thing anyone has said is that they do not say Oakland Raiders on them.







The New York Jets new uniforms are not getting good reviews.

The letters of New York are tiny. The numbers look digital. The wings look silly. Joe Namath is spinning in his grave and he is not dead yet.








The New York Jets new uniforms look like the football team in the movie, starring Adam Sandler as the coach, where the loveable mentally-challenged girl kicks the winning field goal.







Don Quixote was a cancer fighter.



Since you asked:

No matter how rough things got during my divorce of 25 years and selling our house of 24 years, I could always console myself that I never have to talk to either of those evil, two-faced, hypocrite, back-stabbing fish-wives, Trish H. and Judy M., ever again.

In their first season, the Alliance of American Football has shut down. 

They're not allowed to tackle, throw or catch. It's like being a member of the Oakland Raiders.


Today is, and I cannot stress this enough, Taco Tuesday, and I cannot stress this enough, if you do not celebrate it, and I cannot stress this enough, we cannot be f*cking friends.









“Would you let someone see your tits before you’d let them see your forehead? Then, and only then, are bangs the right choice for you.”  @rosebudbaker














An attractive female blogger videos herself drinking her friend's sperm in a cup each day claiming it gives her energy.

As attractive as she is, she somehow can't find guys willing to kiss her. Odd.








A Chinese woman with two passports and a thumb-drive full of computer viruses was arrested in Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort.

They suspected foul play when she tried to steal extra bacon at the omelet bar.











An attractive blonde female blogger videos herself drinking her friend's sperm in a cup each day claiming it gives her energy.

Her friend is still trying to convince her it is much better directly from the spout.












A Chinese woman with two passports and a thumb-drive full of computer viruses was arrested in Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort.

They suspected she was a bad actor when she cut in line at the omelet bar.











For the first time, Kanye West was interviewed on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

The transcript is available on http://WhyMentalHealthMatters.com .












Once again, Donald Trump incorrectly claimed his New York-born father, Fred, was born in Germany.

That is so unlike Trump to get someone's birthplace wrong over and over again.










A study claims young men are choosing video games over having sex. 

"And what is wrong with that? Let them do what they want," said a little bit older men.












For the first time, Kanye West was interviewed on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

The Kanye interview was closed-captioned for the insanity-speak impaired.











Experts predict, if we shut down the Mexican border, we will have a guacamole and margarita shortage on Cinco De Mayo.

Now, this is what I call a state of National Emergency.











Rumor is the newly formed Alliance of American Football league is about to fold. It is so bad, the Oakland Raiders are making jokes about the AAF.











"And that, folks, is when the groom learned that not even a condom can always protect you in a Tijuana whore house."  #BadWeddingToasts












A British study claims many young men are choosing video games over having sex. 

"That is perfectly normal, just keep doing it," said slightly-older than young men.









Three times Donald Trump said oranges for the word origins. It is official, Trump's spray tan color has seeped into his brain.











There is a book, "Commander in Cheat," by Rick Reilly, that describes how Donald Trump cheats at golf.

Donald Trump cheats so much at golf, even Bill Clinton thinks he cheats too much at golf.











NCAA college basketball powerhouses Duke, Kentucky and North Carolina are not in the Final Four. 

Neither is my beloved UCSB, but unlike the other three, it is still on the Pacific ocean in Santa Barbara.
 









For the first time, Kanye West was interviewed on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

"Now that was some whacky, out-there weird stuff," said Gary Busey.









There is a great new diet. Watch "Dr. Pimple Popper" right at lunchtime.










A man entered a hospital for a routine bladder checkup, but they circumcised him by mistake.

It turns out it was just Jussie Smollett lying about being circumcised by racists.










India exploded a satellite whose junk could threaten the International Space Station.

”If someone greenlit the sequel to "Gravity" without calling us, they are through in this town," said George Clooney and Sandra Bullock.









"And that, folks, should teach our groom to use a condom the next time he picks up a stripper." #BadWeddingToasts









The new Alliance of American Football league has suspended play. Wow, that was quick even for Johnny Manziel.












The Eagles announced they will perform the "Hotel California" album in its entirety in concert.

Because the Eagles are getting up there, this is not the good news it appears. They are just going to play the recorded album and take a nap backstage.










A book, "Commander in Cheat," reveals Donald Trump does not count golf balls he hits in the water, asks opponents to concede 30-foot shots and lies when he writes his final score.

Other than that, Trump plays golf strictly by the rules.














There is a book, "Commander in Cheat," by Rick Reilly, that describes how Donald Trump cheats at golf.

Before, I thought someone who shot a 95 and posted a score of 89 was a golf cheat. Trump shoots a 95 and posts that he won the Masters.




Since you asked:


Journalists tend to look down their nose at comedy, but Chris Rock and Tracy Morgan were the first with the guts to say Jussie Smollett was an emperor without any clothes.