Mackay SUP December 2011

Work it, work it, work it

We be teasin' 'till we sneezing', Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After a nail gun accident, a man spent the day with a three- and- a- half inch nail in his head. They knew there was a nail in his brain when he started to introduce himself as Texas Governor Rick Perry.

A woman in Iowa delivered a 14- pound baby boy with no pain-killers. She named the boy Yooooooooooowie.

A man in Iran got a tattoo on his penis that has given him a permanent erection. In a related story, that penis tattoo is now the most popular tattoo in the world.

At a rally, Mitt Romney sang “America the Beautiful.” To give you an idea how bad Mitt sang, Newt Gingrich asked him to keep on singing.

After losing to Mitt Romney in Florida, Newt Gingrich outlined his first days as president. In a related story, I outlined my first days being married to Jennifer Lopez.

In soccer, Milan star midfielder, Kevin-Prince Boateng, is out with a pulled groin muscle and his girlfriend, model Melissa Satta, said it was because they have sex ten times a week. This is what happens when an athlete can’t use their hands.

Once, on a family drive from Massachusetts to Canada, Mitt Romney put their Irish setter on the car roof in a dog carrier. Mitt named the dog Seamus. Seamus named Mitt; “The cheapest rich guy in the world.”

Holy Flame Lastercaster, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Don't want to say Madonna is too old to perform at halftime of the Super Bowl, but in Vegas you can get 30-1 odds on if she breaks a hip.

For a Super Bowl commercial, Matthew Broderick is reprising his role of Ferris Bueller. Ferris is getting older. This one is called;

"Ferris Bueller's Bladder is Off."

I am like a fat kid in the candy store with my new laptop. Except for the diabetes, heart disease and tooth decay.

The rumors won't die Khloe Kardashian's real father is OJ Simpson:

"If the condom did not fit, you can produce a twit."

Taco Bell announces they have breakfast, and Prince William is at an exotic island, Mustique, trying to get his gorgeous wife, Kate, pregnant. These two disparate things exemplify the two widest extremes in the possible human experience.

Since you asked:
If you Google "Bruce Jenner is a douche bag" guess who's blog pops up first? Sniff, I have never been so proud of myself.

Wow, is that animal activist, Priscilla Feral one psycho scary bitch. Because she announced on "60 Minutes" her objection to hunting is so important, she would rather see the entire species of gorgeous Oryx die out than allow the hunting that pays for their ability to grow and thrive.

This is the same kind of selfish media whore B.S. that Gloria Allred specializes in.

Now I don't hunt and I don't like it. Just would never shoot a warm-blooded animal. But if people are willing to pay big bucks to do it, and this money in turn allows species to live, then I say let them hunt. Deer have to be shot to prevent entire herds from starving to death.

We have to stop allowing the shrill minority, like that scary hag, Priscilla Feral, to fly in the face of common sense. She has seen to it a law has passed making it almost impossible to hunt Oryx. Now the experts say Oryx will die out.

We need to appoint a high level panel called The Common Sense Committee. They have to have sweeping powers to battle and protect the politically correct from the rest of us.

When the Supreme Court, due to a legal interpretation, allow anti-gay protestors to shout down funerals of Military people killed in action, the CSC gets to say, no you can't disrupt a funeral because you don't approve of the military's gay policies.

Same thing with this beeeyath, Feral's, law to ban hunting Oryx when hunting Oryx is their only chance of survival.

One permanently PMS'sing nut job should not be allowed to bullocks up the whole works.

At the Farmers at Torrey Pines, NBC golf analyst, David Feherty was on fire yesterday. After Jim Nance wished Dave’s wife, Anita, a happy birthday, David said;

“I love that woman no matter how old she gets.”

When they showed a seated hang glider, David said;

“They’d have to put me sitting on a toilet to go up there.”