Have you seen the “Time” with the mom nursing her 3-year-old son? In a related story, the boy set a new world record for buddies asking to come over for a play date.

Neil Young - Heart Of Gold

And thus was born my lifelong love of the harmonica.

It is Teacher Appreciation Week. When asked to comment, one high school student said; “I’d liked to be giving my bestest appreciation to my most goodliest teacher.”

It is Teacher Appreciation Week. Asked to comment, one high school student said; “OMG, like, my teacher was totally like my BFF, LOL, whatevs.”

The Columbian hooker hired by the Secret Service, Dania Suarez, said her career was ruined by the scandal. Oh no, does this mean she won’t be able to put herself through medical school?

Let's play "You're a Mitt Romney Campaign Advisor." 

You just found out Mitt did a heartless and brutal thing to a sensitive male classmate at a really expensive boarding school. He tackled and cut the bleach-blonde bangs off an effeminate classmate making Mitt a entitled a-hole bully long before it became chic to be a entitled a-hole bully. 


Is anyone surprised guys like George W. Bush and John Kerry and Joe Kennedy Jr. - this is not about politics, it is about rich-kid bullies - and Mitt Romney were world class bullies and jerks when they were high school preppie kids? 


It is all kid's jobs to push the rules. Most of us, who were brought up in good families with nice hands-on parents, not nannies, found out that, when you bend the rules, there is a serious price to pay in terms of punishment and or displeasure.


Guys like Mitt, Joe, John and George didn't have to worry about that. That results in some severe rule bending without much in the way of discipline. 


If I'm a teacher at Cranbrook in Bloomfield Hills and I just hear that the governor's nasty little brat just did something awful to some poor little goofy kid? Might pretend I didn't hear about it. 

If the kid, Mitt,  is a world class a-hole, chances are Governor /dad is a world class a-hole and world class a-holes have a way of getting private school teachers, who discipline their kids, fired. 


Picture the snotty rich kids at the school in "Scent of a Woman" who pulled the paint-on-the-car prank on the a-hole principal. They didn't get in trouble. Who did? The poor scholarship kid from Oregon who happened to see it.

Snotty rich kids of powerful dads may cause trouble, but they do not get in trouble. 


So now you/me are on the bratty rich kid's campaign staff and I hear about this heartless and mean hair-cutting fiasco? 

How do we spin it?


"The Romney campaign would like to let it be known that the young Mitt Romney briefly considered dabbling in a career in men's hairstyling as a youth simply as a means to make extra spending money. 

However, as Mitt was straight - and thus not possessing the DNA required to cut other people's hair - he decided one haircut was enough. But, as a show of his unending generosity, Mitt did not charge the young man for a on-location bang trim."

"Oh, and would somebody please kill me? Don't worry, my soul left my body months ago."   

Neil Young - After The Gold Rush

This album cover shot -  one of the greatest albums of all time - was shot exactly one block from where my New York apartment was located. I lived on West Third near MacDougal, this was taken on Sullivan and West Third. Wow, wow, wow, wow (and just in case you missed it, I will throw in one more) wow. Of course this was taken in 1970, I lived there in 1983.  

Arguably three of the greatest albums of all time cover shots were taken in the Village. Led Zeppelin's "Physical Graffitti" was taken at 96 St. Marks Place in the East village. (Just a few blocks east of where Robert Plant and I had a lovely chat inside the Bleecker Street vintage record company) Bob Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde" West 4th street, like the song, "Positively Fourth Street" and "After the Goldrush." 

Cooool reeeeesmooohhh, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
 
A female NBA stalker walked on the court of the Lakers-Nuggets playoff game, Sunday. The players were scared. Not as scared as if she was holding a baby, but scared all the same.

It is Teacher Appreciation Week. When asked to comment, one high school student said; “I’d liked to be giving my bestest appreciation to my most goodliest teacher.”
 
 “OMG, like, my teacher was totally like my BFF, LOL, whatevs.”
 
The Columbian hooker hired by the Secret Service, Dania Suarez, said her career was ruined by the scandal. Oh no, does this mean she won’t be able to put herself through medical school?

The Columbian hooker hired by the Secret Service, Dania Suarez, said her career was ruined by the scandal. And she can kiss that Fulbright grant for rocket science research goodbye.


The CIA thwarted another al Qaeda airline underwear bomb attempt, this time before it happened. What is it with these terrorists and blowing up their underwear? Haven’t they heard of doing the laundry?

A new study reveals people who suffer depression in middle-age are more likely to get dementia/memory loss when they get older. The bad news is you will still get depressed. The good news is you won’t remember it.

“Veep” on HBO is getting good reviews. It features Julia Louis-Dreyfuss as the vice president with that “West Wing”-like rapid-fire witty political banter. Unlike real life where our congressmen accidentally text a picture of their junk on Twitter.

Since you asked:
At this point and time and juncture, I would like to propose and initiate an initiative that is both actionable and innovative as well as inclusive and substantive in as far as coalescing integral aspects for assessing functionality as well as objectivity and or subjectivity in an in-sourcing and proceed-able venue and forum that accesses accountability as well as integration in a duality of sustainable progress going forward, both farther and further, from this point on, relativity notwithstanding.
 
Damn it, I should have been a politician/lawyer.When reading the above, it is important to make a fist but with your thumb extended and pointing it. 

Eager for action, hot for the game, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
 
What an exciting Kentucky Derby. It was won by a horse called “I’ll Have Another” closely followed by, “No, you’ve had enough” with “Stop nagging me, witch” in third and “I should have married a rich guy” rounding out the field.

 “The Avengers” broke a weekend box office record opening with over $200 million. In a related story, the New York Mets changed their name to “The Avengers.”
 
A female NBA stalker walked on the court of the Lakers-Nuggets playoff game, Sunday. The players were scared. Not as scared as if she was holding a baby, but scared all the same.

A female NBA stalker interrupted the Lakers-Nuggets playoff game, Sunday, to get to Kenyon Martin. The problem? Kenyon Martin was traded from the Nuggets. Man, that is one lazy stalker if she didn’t do enough research to know Martin wasn’t on the team.

Since you asked: 
Kudos to the movie "Bully" for inspiring the crack-down on bullying. I was staunchly anti-bully when I grew up because I saw the damage true bullying did to my brother. 

In a perfect world, there is no bullying. But we live in world with Geico commercials and the Kardashians. Bullying exists and it will exist as long as we keep producing insecure a-holes.

One of my old bosses in San Diego was a bully. He shamelessly made everyone kiss his ass, as he was obviously bullied as a child and now he felt it was his turn to get back now that he finally had some power. 

Nice people who were bullied do not bully back. They know how hurtful it is and they wouldn't do it. Bullies are not nice people. There is nothing worse than an a-hole who used to get bullied with power. See: my stupid bald, fat boss, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump and Michael Moore. 

Everybody gets bullied. As I was one of the strongest in all my grades, I could not get bullied by anyone my age. That didn't stop the neighborhood bullies from beating me up when I was seven and they were 10. (Yes, I got them back later)

Around age 16, bullying switches to verbal attacks. Fine with me, I had a sharp wit even as a child. Somebody tried to hurt my feelings? That gave me free reign to dig into them with everything I had. And it wasn't pretty. 

My point is legislating protection against bullies is good. But a kid needs to know, if he goes to school with chocolate smeared all over his face, or his fly open, he is going to get a  hard time. That is just how it is.  


And, as much as we want to protect them, kids need to learn how to defend themselves.

From the Junior Seau paddle-out

He's a bidness dog who is given me the bidness right now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

This weekend was the most exciting two minutes in sports; and besides the amount of time it took for the Mets to be eliminated from the playoffs, the Kentucky Derby was Saturday.

The Kentucky Derby was this weekend; I love a big floppy women’s hat, a ton of jewelry, an expensive designer dress, the spike heels. And that’s just what Steven Tyler was wearing.
 
Spirit Airlines is now going to charge $100 for a carry-on bag; apparently the Spirit in Spirit Airlines is extortion.

That’s like paying a guy not to urinate on your shoe. You pay, but then he urinates on your shoe; when you ask why, he says you only paid to protect one shoe. 


Since you asked:  

This is a fascinating aspect of Facebook: my Facebook friends range in wealth and social status from starving comedians looking to borrow a car to sleep in,  to actual European royalty. 

To my credit, 99.9% of my friends, whether rich or not, are smart, funny, kind, wonderful people. 

There was a girl in grade school who everybody liked. She was cute, very pretty, but friendly as she could be. Good at sports, but not a tomboy. Every boy - and probably quite  a few of the girls - had a crush on her. Including me.

Not only that, but she was even more interesting because her family was world-class wealthy. Multiple summer homes, a mansion-on-Lake Michigan, maids and butlers wealthy. 


So when I saw she was friends of an old high school friend, I thought, cool, I want her as a Facebook friend. And she was gracious enough to accept my friend request.

And she did not disappoint. 

Still very good looking and extremely fit with a strikingly handsome/beautiful family. They vacation at exotic resorts, have yachts docked all over the world. Chair fancy charitable functions. Impeccable manners, style, grace and class. They do great deeds for the community, nay, the world.

The problem?

From as close as I can tell she is the biggest most evil snotty beyatch who has ever lived. Madonna-during-a-hot-flash-plus-Martha-Stewart-with-a-burnt-roast times ten level of crazy beyatch. Picture, in terms of stuffiness, a younger Queen of England if she was as nasty, mean and bitter as Gloria Allred and you are barely getting close.

And unlike the only other uber beyatches I know - whom I write about in here - who could possibly measure up to her, this one has absolutely no trace of a sense of humor.  (No lie, I once heard Gloria Allred crack a joke. It was a bad joke, but it was a joke) 

Maybe there is an honest dose of schadenfreude on my part because she is so rich. But I knew she was rich before and I liked her. 

To be honest about the amount of difference between her wealth and mine, her family owns a couple of private jets. I have a wetsuit that has a hole in the crotch that lets in 52 degree water - just where you don't want it - because I don't want to shell out the bucks to buy a new one. 

There is an almost creepy voyeuristic aspect to Facebook in that you can follow friend's conversations that were clearly not intended for you. 

Someone following me would deduce, correctly, that I am a smart-ass, wise-cracking knuckle-head.  


Without providing a direct example of what she writes - that feels illegal or at least wrong in terms of privacy, even of an uber beyatch - trust me, she is the coldest, most uptight, judging, condescending, snotty, acid-tongued witch who has ever lived.


And, lucky me, I know who is in second place, third, fourth and fifth place. 

But what makes her so fascinating is how much of a change that was since we were kids. Not a 180. But a two and a half 540.