Can't You Hear Me Knocking - The Rolling Stones

Michelle  Obama posted a video of herself thrashing a punching bag. Of course she has to learn how defend herself, the Secret Service is drunk all the time.

Former New England Patriot, Aaron Hernandez appeared in court with a brand new neck tattoo that says Lifetime, like his sentence. Good thing Hernandez did not get the death penalty, because he couldn’t spell Euthanasia.

A study by Carnegie Mellon University says having more sex does not make couples happier. “Hey, stick to studying melons, Carnegie, “ said all guys in a relationship.

The lead singer for “The Who”, Roger Daltry, threatened to leave a concert because of too much pot smoke. Keith Richards is spinning in his grave and he isn’t dead yet. We don’t think.

A survey claims over a quarter of drivers have used Facebook while driving. The worst part is when they ask you to “Like” their “World Class Douche Bag” page.

“TLC” has pulled “19 and Counting” because of child molestation admission by one Duggar brother against his younger sisters. Who could have imagined having 19 kids could result in serious emotional problems? Oh, right, everyone.

It is hard white-trash-work for a family to make the family on “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” look good.

There was a 5.4 earthquake outside of Las Vegas. It was so strong, it actually shook some tourists inside to the “Justin Bieber Tribute” show.

Three questions;

What is your at-bat song? (The song they play on the P.A. when you step to the plate)

If you had a horse, what would you name it?

And what is your porn name? (Convention is first name of your childhood pet, last name of your childhood street)

Me?

“Can’t you hear me knockin’” Rolling Stones

Cochise

Charlie Elm


(The two worst porn names on record based on first name of childhood pet and last name of childhood street are Tiny Wood for a man and Stinky Canyon for a woman) 

It is hard to believe David Letterman is off the air for good. That seems like a harsh penalty for getting caught deflating a Kardshian.

Former New England Patriot, Aaron Hernandez appeared in court for the first time after a lifetime sentence for murder, with a brand new neck tattoo. The tattoo said; “Free Tom Brady.”

The Norwegian Dawn Cruise ship lost power and ran aground off Bermuda. The airlines would have charged a $500 sandbar docking fee.  

14 % of drivers admit they use twitter while driving. That explains the world wide trending Twitter topic #HolyCrapThatWasClose.  

It is reported 80% of sunscreens don’t work or have bad ingredients.  It’s true. Willy Nelson? He’s only 35 years old.

The Norwegian Dawn Cruise ship lost power and ran aground off Bermuda. Or as the passengers call that: not the Norovirus. 

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Anaheim Ducks in triple overtime 3-2. Asked to comment, a hockey-savvy Anaheim fan said; “Our team should’ve used those slappy poles to knock that disc thingy in the net-jobber more.”

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Anaheim Ducks in triple overtime 3-2. Asked to comment, a hockey-savvy Anaheim fan said; "It is gnarly how they use that same stuff we surf on but then they like get it totally cold and then slide on top of it. Righteous." 

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Anaheim Ducks in triple overtime 3-2. This is quite a rivalry when you consider Anaheim is a hockey haven that only has a team because Emilio Estevez decided to make a children’s movie.