Friends don't let friends watch "Friends."
*The big surprise on the final "Friends"? Ross and Rachel hook up . . . again. In equally shocking news, Bobby Brown was back in court yesterday.
One of the surprises on "Friends" is that Monica and Chandler's surrogate Mom unexpectedly delivered twins. The amazing thing is that, with all the pre-natal care advances, the last time twins were delivered unexpectedly was about, oh, I don't know, how about 1950?
Did you see the final "Friends"? It was amazing, Joey steps out of the shower and it is revealed the entire series was just a dream. Can you believe it?
After ten years, the final "Friends" episode aired last night. Do you remember who did the theme song? The Rembrandts. The Rembrandts were so upset "Friends" is over, they almost missed their gig at Jolly Rogers.
You're an eight, Moises
*Chicago Cubs outfielder Moises Alou disclosed he urinates on his hands to avoid getting blisters. This explains why the Cubs have substituted the traditional high-five with the new high-elbow.
So that's what the high school baseball players did that to the track guys in the shower. They didn't want them to get foot blisters. How thoughtful.
I don't mean to be indiscreet, but if urinating on skin prevented blisters, no guy who showers regularly would ever have had one single blister on his foot. Ever. Period.
As opposed to the New York Mets who urinate on their playoff chances.
Who would have thought?
*Last weekend in Atlanta, troubled-rocker Courtney Love reportedly fell apart during her concert, slurring her words, playing the wrong chords and flashing her breasts until she had to be carried off stage. Apparently Love is not taking the demise of "Friends" very well at all.
*Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld testified before the U.S.Senate Armed Services Committee. Rumsfeld shocked everyone in attendance when he announced that he was, in fact, the father of Chandler and Monica's baby twins.
What are the odds?
*Former singer and full time felon Bobby Brown is back in court for domestic abuse charges. In equally shocking news, "Mens Fitness" magazine featured an article on how to get ripped abs.
This base is brought to you by
*It turns out Major League baseball will not put "Spider Man 2" ads on the bases. They agreed with the fans that it was cheap and sleazy promotion beneath the dignity of our national pastime. This comment brought to you by Nike, Budweiser, Rawlings, Coors, Louisville Slugger and Schlitz.
*A basketball coach at a middle school in New Jersey was fired for giving a "cry baby" award to a 13-year-old player. He told the crowd at the banquet that all the kid did was beg to go in the game and then whine. The good news is that kid has a great future with the L.A. Lakers.
*I wouldn't want to say that the down 2-0 in a best of seven Los Angeles Lakers are in trouble, but if Gary Payton and Carl Malone want a piece of an NBA trophy, they better apply to be adopted by Michael Jordan.
You really hate to hear that
Bad news, the charges of prisoner abuse in Iraq continue to mount. There is now evidence that U.S. soldiers forced the Iraqi prisoners to listen to "American Idol" reject, William Hung's entire C.D. That's just cruel.
(Assist to Cousin Jack)
Since you asked:
Did you know how the high-five was invented? The signal a batter gives to a base runner to score standing up, instead of sliding, is both palms up in the air. One time, in the mid-70's, one of the scoring runners returned the gesture and they slapped elevated palms, thus inventing the high five. The high five - and high ten - salutation became the much preferred replacement (My good buddy Ray aside) of the previous "way-to-go" 70's sports gesture, the always creepy and latently homosexual butt-slap.
While I am discussing fascinating things
And did you know that the screw-on bottle top was invented in the late 30's by someone in Glencoe, Illinois? A scant half-mile North of from my hometown of beloved and bucolic Winnetka. Why wasn't the screw-on bottle top invented in Winnetka? Nothing against our dainty neighbors to the North, but we in Winnetka know how to nut-up and finish a beverage. Sabes?
Sorry about that dainty thing.
Sorry about that nut-up thing.