"Tis the Season to be slammin"
*Man, I had a great Christmas. I got the Saddam Chia. He comes in his very own spider hole.
*Arnold Schwarzenegger had a good Christmas. He got the "Grope Me" Barbie.
*The latest "Lord of The Rings" movie opened up over the weekend with over a quarter billion people world-wide. That's an amazing number when you consider that not one of those people could have possibly brought a date.
Falalalalalala, you person
*Man, did I get a surprise for Christmas. I got a queer makeover. Let's just say I never fully understood the "Deck the halls" lyrics "Don we now our gay apparel" until now.
Run that past me again
*For the third time the Pakistani President, Pervez Musharaf, narrowly avoided a suicide bomber. Today Musharaf called Gray Davis and asked; "So, how do you get recalled?"
Merry Merry? Quite contrary
*The Holidays can be a little stressful with all the relatives; On Christmas, our Uncle Ronnie didn’t get the Barbie "Cook with Me" Smart Kitchen he wanted, so he hid all day locked in his spider hole.
Packing it on
*The Holidays can be tough time to lose weight. Sure, I put on a couple of pounds over Christmas, but that’s only because I am preparing for my role in the "Bridget Jones Diary" sequel.
So Farsi so good
*For the movie "House of Sand and Fog" snotty British actor Ben Kingsley amazed his colleagues by how quickly he learned to speak the Arabic language Farsi for his role. Learning Farsi is impressive. Sure, it's no gaining of thirty pounds like Renee Zellweger, but it's impressive.
I Hate that when that happens
*A-Rod, Alex Rodriguez is unhappy with his manager, his team and he wants out of the Texas Rangers. I sure hope Alex Rodriguez gets the trade he wants. It just breaks my heart when quarter-billionaires are not happy.
Mon Ami, part 123
*Air France has resumed their L.A. to Paris flights. So you know it has to be safe now that Air France is flying again. If Air France is flying, we can go from Orange alert down to Bleu.
*The Scot Peterson defense team has taken a new strategy. They are going to try and plead Mad Cow disease.
An idea whose time has, well, you know . . .
During halftime of the Super Bowl, there will the Lingerie Bowl scantily clad underwear models playing touch. Here’s my question: What the hell took so long? We’ve had to endure that stupid Bud Bowl for twenty years and they are just now getting around to the Lingerie Bowl?
I know who should play in the Lingerie Bowl. Paris Hilton. She’s a natural receiver.
Since you asked:
So there we were, the picture of Holiday cheer, my wife, Virginia, me and my lovely five-year-old daughter, Ann Caroline, playing kid's Monopoly as our two yellow labradors, Kasey and Wrigley, decked out in their festive holiday collars, snoozed by the fire. (No, I wasn't wearing a cardigan nor smoking a pipe)
We are in the middle of the game when I rolled the dice and landed on one of Ann Caroline's properties. Suddenly, and without any warning, Ann Caroline leaps to her feet and yells;"BOO YAHHHHHH!" Then she spins around and does a hilarious booty dance.
It's an amazing thing when your sweet little angelic baby girl hangs her Booo Yahh Booty dance on you.
We watched "Miracle on 34th Street" last night. Ahh, the good old days when a Miracle on 34th street was if nobody puked on the subway platform for an hour. But I digress . . .
Am I the only straight guy who squirts hot little drunken debutante tears when Kris Kringle speaks Dutch to the little WWII orphan/adopted girl? Why is that?
Biggest Holiday movie tear-jerker moments?
#3: "Miracle On 34th Street" Santa Speaking Dutch to adopted ophan girl. (Maureen O'Hara had a great line following that. "I speak French but that doesn't make me Joan of Arc.")
#2: Clarence gets his wings in "It's a Wonderful Life."
Hands down winner, not even close, if you don't cry you should throw dirt over yourself:
#1: The awesome black and white "Christmas Carol" with Alister Simms as Scrooge. When Bob Cratchit breaks down sobbing while trying to console his family over the death of his beloved cock-sparrow, Tiny Tim.
When you think about Simms' performance, what makes it so amazing is that he totally sells the evil and the lovable Scrooge. We hate the guy and then we love the guy. Actors are lucky if they can pull off one or the other. (That's not including Madonna who gets us to hate her unintentionally)