It is still hot in Los Angeles. People are sweating like the University of Pennsylvania when Donald Trump says he's smart.


There is a new trend called Horse Yoga. Yoga on a horse. Or as the horse calls it, "Moron on my back Yoga." 

A Sheboygan Leg-burner, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

There is a new thing called Horse Yoga. Yoga on a horse. It went really badly for a woman whose horse was named Downward Dog. 

Personally, I am into Unicorn Yoga. That way I don’t have to do it.

Or as the horse calls Horse Yoga: Standing with moron on my back.

A 94-year-old woman celebrated her birthday by skydiving. The bad news is, as soon as she landed, she was pinched on the butt by former president George H.W. Bush.

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “Whatever you do, do not elect a guy named Donald Trump.” 

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “Sing like nobody is listening. Dance like nobody is watching. And covfefe like you’re never covfefe’d before.”

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “The Holy Trinity: a snack, a crap and a nap.” 

Actress Heather Lind has accused President George H.W. Bush of sexual assault. He’s 93 and in a wheel chair. He can’t assault the jello salad at the early bird buffet.

At the World Series at Dodger Stadium, Larry King has a seat next to former “Entertainment Tonight” host, Mary Hart. It was cute when Mary helped Larry with the Seventh Inning Grunt.

It is so hot in Hollywood, men are saying Harvey Weinstein should get a fair chance just to receive icy glares from Gloria Allred. 

After low earnings, Chipotle’s stock price has plummeted. Now Chipotle’s investors are in the toilet like their customers.

A study claims a person’s brain is still active 20 seconds after they die and they may be aware they are dead. However, that is still better than seeing the movie, “Geostorm.” 

Chipotle’s stock price has plummeted partly because their new queso is reportedly awful. Apparently if people want gross orange stuff, they’ll listen to Trump.

The Los Angeles Dodgers’ Yasiel Puig dyed his hair blue for the World Series against the Houston Astros. In a related story, the New York Mets hair turned red from their Times Square Tickle Me Elmo costumes.

Albert Einsteins theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, “Pumpkin spice? Put that stuff in every damn thing.”


Albert Einstein's theory of happiness sold at auction for $1.3 mil. All it said was, "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Let's hope that, unlike game one, this World Series game at Dodger Stadium is not interrupted by Larry King yelling out, "You punks get off my lawn." 

Мы получили Фанк:

Things seem extraordinarily bad for Donald Trump. 

At the worst points of anyone’s presidency in my lifetime, besides a resigning Nixon, I have never heard of career congressmen, like Flake and Corker, publicly denouncing a sitting president and questioning their mental state. Especially from the same party. 

Think about all the stages Trump has had to go through to get to that point:

The “OK, let’s give him a chance. If he does well, we are with him.”

“We gave him a chance and he was awful, but let’s see if he learns from it and turns things around.”

“He is truly awful and getting worse, but he is still popular, so let’s wait.”

“He’s getting worse by the day, but we don’t know how hard he will hit back if we attack.”

“He has to be near rock bottom and is hitting back, but it just seems to make his critics seem more credible and likable.”

Then and only then does it behoove a career politician to attack a sitting president. Most Republicans did not speak against Nixon until he was waving from the helicopter.



And
Corndoggie, sittin' on a fence
Corndoggie, means no offense

That's all I got...

It was 103 at Dodger Stadium for the World Series. But enough about the age of Larry King sitting behind home plate.

30 Rock - Jenna Turned Down Harvey Weinstein

Amazon mistakenly delivered 65 pounds of marijuana to a Florida couple. The Florida couple was furious. They ordered meth.

Amazon mistakenly delivered 65 pounds of marijuana to a Florida couple. The Florida couple has vowed to send back the 50 pounds as soon as they can find a 40-pound box that will hold all 30 pounds of the 20 pounds. 

A woman in her 40’s was arrested for trespassing on Justin Bieber’s property. For the love of god, Melania Trump, get some help.

Harvey Weinstein’s employees are breaking their NDA’s, Non-disclosure agreements. Of course, when your boss gets his DNA all over the NDA, it should be invalid.

New York City has banned vaping in restaurants and bars. Except for the bar Douche Drop In. 

Amazon mistakenly delivered 65 pounds of marijuana to a Florida couple. “We have no idea how Amazon made such a mistake,” said Betty Snoop and her fiance, Wally Dogg.

Amazon mistakenly delivered 65 pounds of marijuana to a Florida couple. Or as Snoop Dogg calls 65 pounds of week, Wednesday’s stash.

Kid Rock announced he is not running for the Senate. Apparently, Rock found out in the Senate they don’t have groupies and free drugs.

It will be 100 at the World Series. Fans will be sweating like Harvey Weinstein hiring a new secretary.

The NFL upheld its one-game suspension of Oakland Raiders’ Marshawn Lynch for shoving a referee. If Marshawn wanted to play, he should have beaten up his girlfriend like Ezekiel Elliott.

It is hot in LA. I’m sweating like the sex addiction therapist signing Harvey Weinstein’s one-week completion certificate.

Harvey Weinstein claims he completed his sex-addiction rehab in one week. I’m not so sure. Harvey kept trying to bring dates to the meetings. 

It is the 100th episode of “The Walking Dead.” In this one, Harvey Weinstein turns into a flesh-hungry zombie and nobody can tell the difference. 

Harvey Weinstein claims he completed his sex-addiction rehab in one week. Not sure Harvey could have gotten all his animals in the ark in just one week, if ya get me.

Former FBI director, James Comey, admitted to having a secret Twitter account. It was sort of obvious. The Twitter account was @FiredByAMoron. 

Harvey Weinstein claims he completed his sex-addiction rehab in one week. Not so sure. The nurse who checked Harvey out of rehab is suing him for sexual harassment.

The Super Bowl rematch between the Atlanta Falcons and the New England was a mismatch with Patriots winning 23-7. The Falcons were playing in a thick, dense fog. And then some seriously misty weather blew in. 

Justin Timberlake, many years after the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, is the halftime entertainment for the Super Bowl. What boob thought of this? Is the NFL abreast of this? 

David Letterman received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. And Letterman’s beard won the “Crotchety Gold Panner” award. 

David Letterman received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. And Letterman’s beard won the, “You Punks Get Off My Lawn” award.

С тех пор, как вы спросили:

Every great talk show has its own sensibility and aura. Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” had the feel of a ’74 cocktail party in Beverly Hills. Jay Leno’s version seemed like an amazingly slick and professional production of a Las Vegas show with guests. (Leno, as great a comic as he is, is the ultimate pro) Dick Cavett was like a cocktail party of intellectuals on the porch of a Hamptons beachfront estate.

One of my favorites talk show vibes when I was a kid was “The Steve Allen Show.” With his desk filled with toys, his eating snacks and his jumping up and playing the piano, Allen seemed like a grown-up who could not believe his luck of being paid to act like a kid. 

That was the same vibe David Letterman had, but with much more of a high school nerds-from-the visual aids department with money. Their attitude always seemed to be, “We can throw paint cans off the roof and we won’t get hosed? Neat-oh.”

Letterman was a genius comic with a sardonic twist who retained his Midwestern gentleman ethic. When Dave was at his best, people’s reaction was to laugh, shake their head and say “Oh, Daaave.” Like he was that lovable rascal uncle who always was a hit on Thanksgiving. 

Unfortunately, there is only one famous talk show host whose off-air personality is even in the zip code to their on-air persona, and that is Jay Leno. (He might even be nicer than on the air) 

But Dave had a way - that my mom also had - of giving you, the TV audience, a look that let you know you two were the only ones in on the joke. 

My quick idea of heaven? Hopping into a car with Wally and my board and driving North. Stopping at Duke’s in Malibu for fish tacos. Driving along the coast and on Ventura Highway to Santa Barbara in time for a late afternoon stand up surf session at Leadbetter’s. 

Check into the pet-friend hotel, take Wally for a walk along State Street that would turn into a Wally Appreciation Parade. Have a couple margaritas. Take Wally to The Santa Barbara Brew House for dinner-for-three with my buddy, O'Snick on the patio. Drop Wally off at the room, come back and jam on harmonica with the band on at the Brew House. 

Get up early and surf. Go to a tri-tip barbecue at the Wopats with all my decathlon/heptathlon buddies. Surf session next morning. Brunch on the Harbor with Deca/Hepa friends. 

Drive home with Wally the road dog. Is that so much to ask?

Craaaaaazy crazy cray-cray, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Southwest Airlines had their first all-female flight crew. And what was weird is they got lost and refused to ask for directions.


In the Cleveland Cavaliers’ opening game, LeBron James’s jersey, split in the back down the middle. Apparently they borrowed the Cleveland Brown’s seamstress. 


Three cars in Kim Kardashian’s driveway were burglarized. Ironically, they took all the junk out of Kim’s trunk.


The Weinstein Co. will have to pick a new name. Bed, Bath and Beyond Deplorable.



The LAPD is going to investigate a rape charge against Harvey Weinstein. Just as soon as they get over the shock of such a surprising accusation.

Since you asked:

Comedy lesson #32. Just add, "That's what she said." Let's try it. 

"You're a vile rapist." 

"That's what she said." 

Wait. It didn't work.