Friday, November 05, 2010

I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her and she's so cold*, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Love this time of year when newly elected Speaker, John Boehner's tan changes from pumpkin orange to falling leaf burnt sienna.

* yes this was a precursor of Mick's dreaded disco phase, but it is a rockin' ditty regardless.

So I saw a 1970 240Z the other day and I clearly remembered how cool they looked when they came out. Then I thought, wow, they came out 40 years ago. So what would a car that was 40 years old in 1970 look like?

You got it. The moral? I am getting up there.

It is hot, I am sweating like Charlie Sheen's divorce attorney when he found there was no prenup, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

As many of my friends have taken their kids to college, I reminisced about when I arrived at U.C. Santa Barbara. When I flew in to Los Angeles and then to Santa Barbara from Chicago I had twenty bucks in my pocket that I went through pretty quickly. No problem, my parents said they had set up a modest checking account for me at the famous Bank of America on the sight where student rioters burned it to the ground in the Sixties.

So I saunter in only to discover the first of many times my parents would fail to grasp the two hour time difference. The money was not there and my account would not be open until Tuesday. Suddenly I wanted to burn the bank to the ground.

Friday early evening, I knew nobody and I had no money and no place to stay. As I was a student, I was able to attend some catered events, but basically I didn’t eat much for four days. As for my accommodations, I remember sleeping on the pole vault pit often waking up with tree frogs running across me. Still, all in all, it was far better than Long Beach the year before.

Tuesday, the bank opened and I took out $40 and ran to this mom and pop owned nice little breakfast diner in Isla Vista. There I ordered the biggest avocado, cheese and bacon omelet you’ve ever seen complete with silver dollar fried potatoes, toast, coffee and orange juice. It was heaven. I could have ordered - and eaten - two more.

So, in this vein of sentimentality, this morning I decided to order a bacon, avocado and cheese omelet from IHOP to go.

For the rest of the day it was like I had some vile form of food illness and flu. It took all day and everything I had to digest this monster. Took a snooze. Took Tums. Drank water. Moaned. Whined. Bitched. Rubbed my stomach. Whined some more. It was like having a wrestling match with your own guts. And losing.
I burped. Burped some more. Sweated. Did that thing that can happen if you didn't burp enough. Let's just say it was not "Camelot" up in here, up in here.

Essentially all day I felt, looked and smelled like Zach Galifianakis's beard after a stoned-out binge session at Sizzlers all-you-can-eat buffet.

Now it is about 3:30. I ate this pile of future heart disease at 8:30 am. I may be able to go work out at four or five. Maybe.

If you look at the pictures of the two cars, I feel a lot more like the 1930’s model.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Election education

Apparently I just missed this at Scripps on Sunday

The hand of fate is on me now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In Syria, a 5-year-old boy is engaged to a 3-year-old girl. He decided to marry a younger women because all the women his age were bitter, jaded and poopy-heads.

A woman in China had a wedding and married herself; and here I didn’t know they had same sex marriage in China.

Now Charlie Sheen is saying trashing his New York suite, locking an escort in the closet was overblown. Wow, getting overblown in New York costs $1,000 extra. Just ask Elliot Spitzer. 

The Texas Rangers got beaten in the World Series by the San Francisco Giants. How bad? Let’s just say Charlie Sheen treats hotel suites and hookers better than the Giants treated the Rangers.

A woman in China had a wedding to marry herself. It was very romantic, the couple wrote her own vows. If you want to get her a gift, she is registered at Bed, Bath and Pathetic. 

Halloween is the day the dead walk among the living. Kind of like the democrats were doing in House of Representatives after the election.

Isn’t the San Francisco Giant’s AT&T Park beautiful? I’d say it is as beautiful as Chicago’s Wrigley Field in late October, but nobody has ever seen Wrigley Field in late October.

How about that World Series? I don't want to say the Giants catcher, Buster Posey, looks young, but two more hits and he'll have earned his Boy Scout baseball merit badge.

The San Francisco Giants beat the Texas Rangers in the first two games of the World Series. I love San Francisco fans, they wear black wigs to look like pitcher Tim Lincecum, they wear panda hats to look like “Kung Fu Panda” third baseman, Pablo Sandavol, they wear dark beards to look like relief pitcher Brian Wilson, they dress up like Cher and Bette Midler.” Cher and Bette aren’t connected to baseball, they just like to dress up as them.

I’ve been reading Keith Richard’s memoir “Life” and it is fascinating. Did you know Keith Richards did not do groupies? He did heroin, acid, coke, mushrooms and qualudes, but he didn’t do groupies.

During the World Series in San Francisco, did you see the stand up paddle boarders in McCovey Cove? It’s a surfboard you stand up on and paddle. Don’t confuse this with the democrats in congress. They’re up the creek without a paddle.

Since you asked:

Amazing Halloween party Saturday night – Virg and I dressed like pirates, A.C. was a Care Bear – got up and went SUP surfing at Scripps, Sunday. Water clear as glass 65 degrees, very nice. Apparently just missed a huge pod of whales. Watched football and baseball, grilled a steak sandwich and handed out candy, again dressed as a pirate.

Oh, on the steak I rubbed some coffee along with the usual garlic powder pepper and sea salt. Very great smoky taste, not overly-coffee flavored at all. Plus I tossed in some diced green chilis in with my sautéed onions. Very good touch.

Lex's election views:

Speaking as the true undeclared/independent that I am, I think if the republicans consider this election result a huge referendum against Obama, they’re nuts. First of all, the tea-party republicans are going to fight regular republicans which is what democrats do, just from a different side.

Secondly, Obama’s statement of “Some election nights are more fun than others” isn’t exactly the; “We are in the bunker trying to figure out whether to shoot ourselves or take the pills” kind of response the republicans were looking for.

If anything, this election was more of a backlash at Nancy Pelosi than Obama.

The other perspective is that there are two years to go. If the public perceives this election as a republican takeover in congress - as the press is reporting it - than if the republicans don’t remarkably improve things by 2012, there will be a backlash against the backlash which could help Obama and the democrats.

The races in California were closer than the democrats hoped, but they did win with Brown and Boxer. So that means Brown and Boxer are on thinner ice with the voters than expected and had better produce in California and I mean soon or they could get democrats heads handed to them in 2012.

What was the most valuable and important lesson of this election? Without question it was the understanding that NBC White House reporter, Savannah Guthrie, is smoking, smoking hot. Good googlie muck.