This right here what I'm talkin' about
Do the to to the do ‘til it’s did, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Apple has unveiled a new “Star Trek” app for their iPhone. There is a disclaimer, guys: the “Star Trek” app will block your iPhone from being able to call a woman for a date.
Britney Spears ex-bodyguard, Fernando Flores, is suing Britney for unwanted sexual harassment. In technical legal terms this is known as publically declaring you’re gayer than Lady Gaga’s hairdresser.
Fernando Flores is a Spanish name that means: wow, am I gay.
An advisor to Senator Barbara Boxer was arrested after trying to smuggle marijuana in his pocket in to a Senate office building. The man claims he didn’t know the marijuana was there because he borrowed the pants from Paris Hilton.
Did you hear about the fight in the stands at the US Open? Well, it is tennis, so it wasn’t really a fight, but one guy made a nasty remark about another guy’s shirt being a cotton/polyester blend.
The Washington Redskins are trying to trade lineman Albert Haynesworth because he has been fat, lazy, unproductive and wildly over-paid. In other words, just like a congressman.
The Washington Redskins are trying to trade lineman Albert Haynesworth because he has been lazy, unproductive and wildly over-paid. It is so bad the Redskins are willing to trade Haynesworth for a low draft pick and a Ryan Leaf to-be-named-later.
Did you hear about the fight in the stands at the US Open? Well, it is tennis, so it wasn’t really a fight, but one guy did make a rather sarcastic remark about another fellow’s polo pony.
The CEO of Ryanair said they are going to get rid of their co-pilots, they’re going to replace them with bartenders.
A Florida church is planning a Koran burning party. See, this is what happens when Florida high school teachers sleep with their students instead of teaching them, they grow up to be stupid.
An advisor to Senator Barbara Boxer was arrested after trying to smuggle marijuana in his pants pocket in to a Senate office building. The man claims he thought the marijuana was gum.
Britney Spears ex-bodyguard, Fernando Flores, is suing Britney for repeated unwanted sexual harassment. Listen, dude, if you want to publically out yourself as super gay, fine, but don’t drag Britney into this.
A London study reveals women are far more attracted to men who dance in flamboyant and dramatic ways. Unfortunately for the women, those men are far more attracted to other men.
Since you asked:
Great job, NFL. And by great job, I am assuming you are trying to kill the goose that lays the golden egg that is America’s nearly limitless love of football.
By adding even more commercial time and by killing the momentum of the game with ridiculously lengthy official reviews you are able to kill the likeability of even the well-played and close games, let alone the countless blowouts.
In the time it takes the coach to get the call from his coach up top and call for a review, the officials to stop the game and get an official to some funky booth where he looks at the replay forever and finally make a decision, come back and then announce it, I could have e-mailed and texted you the real results 100 times.
But what do you expect from a league that flies in, puts up in hotels and pays two teams of guys to measure first downs with a chain and two sticks during lengthy timeouts when GPS can track every inch on this planet in a millisecond? Gosh, that would require putting a chip in the ball. We don’t have the technology to do that, do we? Oh yeah, it’s not 1986 anymore, we can.
And what the hell is the impossible-to-figure-out rules regarding a catch? Now, as a Bear fan, I don’t mind that the Bears won the game because of botching that insanely complicated catch rule, but that ruling against the Lions sucked.
In baseball they have managed to determine that a catch is one where the guy caught it and held it. Why can’t the NFL figure that out? Not to get all John Madden on your tuchus, but if the guy was in the end zone with a ball in his hands, that, that, that, that’s a touchdown.
Speaking of the NFL, did I mention I did that Washington Redskins Albert-Hayneswroth-flunking-three-times fitness test? Oh, I did? Did I mention that I nailed it? Six seconds under on the first run and a full eleven seconds under on the second run?
That’s funny, because I don’t remember mentioning that I nailed the NFL fitness test by that much even at 52.
But my memory, unlike apparently my steel-spring legs, powerful lungs and piston heart, isn’t what it used to be.