Thursday, July 03, 2014

Apparently Kobe doesn't like to pass at the dinner table either
The CIA launched a funny first message on Twitter: “We can neither confirm nor deny this is our first post on Twitter.” 

Here are a few more CIA tweets:

The main suspect in the Benghazi attack is Ahmed Abul Khattala. We first suspected him when his name was Ahmed Abul Khattala.

The Benghazi suspect, Ahmed Abul Khattala, is so ugly, his beard makes him look like Donald Sterling with a mongoose on his face. #AmIRightOrWhat?

To give you an idea how messed up Iraq is, right now Florida is making jokes about them. #ISISBeTrippinYo

Did you see the end of season # 3 of “Homeland?” Spoiler Alert. Carrie emerges from a shower and it was all a dream. LOLJK, they straight up hung that dude.

We like “Homeland” but it is so unrealistic. I mean, come on, when we decipher encrypted code we use Zorch AA345, not Trium 2389. Please.

Linda Ronstadt - Long Long Time

Until my Freshman year in Long Beach, I thought the expression heart-break was just that. An expression. When I heard this, I was so homesick, sad and lonely, I thought my heart would break. 

Forget about getting US sports fans to watch soccer, Adriana Lima could convince straight men to watch "Project Runway."

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Melanie - Lay Down (Candles in the Rain)

How far ahead of itself was this song? How great is it? 

Really great.

Great World Cup for the US team. Now US sports fans can go back to what we’re really good at: ignoring the hell out of soccer.

Lex, what do you make of the fact that FIFA had the US team traveling 10,000 miles and playing in mostly amazon jungle stadiums while Belgium stayed on the coast and only traveled, oh, about six miles? 

Well, if there is one thing we can all agree on is that FIFA is a bunch of money-stealing, vile, puss-infested weasels whose only joy in life, besides screwing the US, is slithering down into a fetid sewer and humping rabid alligators. 

Lex’s Dog Ownership Theory #326

Every morning pretend your dog is covered from head to paw to tail with a magical invisible pixie dust. That magical invisible pixie dust will only appear for one minute from 9:00 pm to 9:01 pm. When the pixie dust does appear, there should hardly be any on your dog, it should be all over you and your family’s faces, chests, arms and hands.

Lex's Grilling Tip #450

Gas grills are awesome. They are quick and convenient. And you can use a smoker box with soaked wood chips to get a great oak smoke flavor. I use Jack Daniels wood chips from the chopped up barrels used to age the whisky. 

But for serious grilling you have to use a Weber grill and lump charcoal. Light the charcoal in a chimney lighter with newspaper. 

Here is the important tip: always wear shoes or sandals when grilling with lump charcoal. A week ago, I stepped on a fallen ember and it burned the hell out of my big toe. 

Did you see the clip of Serena Williams playing doubles with her sister Venus at Wimbledon? She was shaky, she was uncoordinated, she couldn’t catch or hit a ball. It was almost like she was a member of the New York Mets.