Are you ready for Mother’s Day? Or as Pamela Anderson calls Mother’s Day: Guess Which Weird Dude is Daddy? Day.
Hillary’s final days
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Hillary’s campaign workers are volunteering to go out for Starbucks and Krispy Kreme donuts and not coming back.
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Today they burned all records and photographs and tomorrow they all retreat to the bunker.
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Today Bill Clinton gave a red-faced rant to the operator at a 1-900 porn number.
Did you see that Bill Clinton was caught wiping a tear at a speech given by Hillary? You can’t blame Bill for being sad, now that he will have to come off the campaign trail he will have to pay for all his own hotel room porn.
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Fundraisers continue to pretend to recruit for donors even though the phone lines have all been turned off.
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Today the band at Hillary’s headquarters struck up “Nearer My God To Thee.”
Ahh, that’s nice
17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears had her baby shower. It was nice, her sister Britney bought her a combination training bra and nursing bra.
Hillary Clinton’s campaign is said to be broke, and I think its true; to give you an idea how broke Hillary’s campaign is, Hillary asked Bill Clinton to ask one of his girlfriends to suck on a hose to siphon gas from a car into their tour bus.
“I am really normal for a bonkers movie star”
Did you see Oprah interview Tom Cruise at his house in Teluride Colorado? The house is beautiful, it’s rustic with real pine trees used in the electric fence that keeps Katie Holmes from escaping.
Saturday Morning Caffeine Fueled Rant:
What a glorious morning at La Jolla Shores on the UCSB Golden Yellow and Mediterranean Blue stand up paddleboard I have dubbed Groucho the Gaucho.
Two foot nicely formed waves. I hit the quatro on one wave: caught it, rode it, turned on it and paddled back out. Most were crash and burns but I am getting much better with my surfing. Pelicans were dive bombing for fish, I rode a wave with a Leopard shark and at one point the clouds/high fog separated giving us a “Cocoon” like sunburst over the water.
Now it is Cubs-Snakes game watching on the most glorious Hi Definition while multi-tasking napping. My patented drifting off just under the radar so that when the announcers voice gets excited I snap awake and don’t miss anything.
Tonight my other band, the Mitigators, jam at a 40-year-old birthday party. This is the band with the awesome female singer and a professional drummer. We kicked butt on a few numbers in rehearsal so I am excited. Specifically "Sympathy for the Devil" Either way it will be a blast.
Go out there and get her done, Slats and Gets.
Lex’s Newest Pet Peeves:
Listen, I understand first hand that working with snippy customers over the phone isn’t the most fun you can have and that the people answering customer service calls aren’t on a career path to the stars, but they should at least be able to take down a credit card number.
Friday I was desperately trying to throw money at my pay-as-I-go cell phone. After the phone honeymoon was over and I sent a bunch of immature and obscene text messages to my buddies, I really don’t use the phone that much so I just throw $50 at the account and make sure I use it all before the expiration date in a few months.
So I call and give some poor girl my credit card number. Now the card was American Express and my bill is current. When you give somebody your credit card number, they need to say something to let you know they are with you. This poor, dimwitted girl could not grasp that concept. So we went through the number three times with no success. Finally I said, OK tell me when you have it: 123, you got that? “Yah.” 4567, you got that? “Yah.” 890, you got that? “Yah.”
Very patiently, I said, “OK, now read it back to me. “1432576F980.” No lie, she had somehow put an F in there. Finally she just said the credit card was declined, which I knew was a lie. It took me three tries to find someone who could take down a credit card number correctly and put $50 on my phone.
Now I don’t want to say the name of the phone service company, but it rhymes with Florizan.
Oh, and douche-bag, worthless, dumb-ass, lame-as-they-possibly-can-be weekend warrior cyclists who insist on riding two and sometimes even three across. I have a road bike, I trained for mini triathlons, I know bike etiquette: RIDE SINGLE FILE YOU INCREDIBLY ANNOYING A-HOLES!
Whoa, easy Lex. Back off a sconch, throttle back and put a damper on it, big guy.
Put they are a-holes.