Anyone else get email trivia questions from Trivia Today? They’re fun, but I think they’re running out of trivia questions. Today’s trivia question was: 

“What is that thing on Trump’s head called? 

A, A wig, 

B, A toupee, 

C, A combover and 

D, His pet ferret, Sparky. 

A Delta flight with 130 passengers landed at the wrong airport in South Dakota. Delta charged all 130 of the passengers a $100 “Special Excursion” fee. 

Three Americans hurt during the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. It is time they halt this out-dated, cruel event because it is dangerous for the poor, stupid mammals. And it is bad for the bulls too. 

One man had a horn puncture his scrotum and his rectum. The good news is, if he wants it, he got a free sex change operation. 

One man had a horn puncture his scrotum and his rectum. It is the bull injury equivalent of what England did to Europe. 

Former baseball player and felon, Lenny Dykstra, has written a tell-all memoir called “House of Nails.” Isn’t there a rule you can’t write a book unless you’ve colored one?  

Not a joke, but. 

Anyone who believes in conspiracy theories needs to look hard at Watergate to realize how utterly incapable even smart politicians are of pulling off a successful conspiracy. 

A woman in Delaware was arrested for having sex too loudly. They even changed the Delaware motto from Liberty and Independence to “Keep It Down, Betty White.”

Seattle QB, Russell Wilson, and Ciara finally consummated their marriage. It got awkward when, at the last minute, Tom Brady won the honeymoon. 

Seattle QB, Russell Wilson, and Ciara finally consummated their marriage. Not to go into details, but suffice it to say Tom Brady isn’t the only one with shrunken balls. 

Taj Motels are offering free Wifi on up to four devices. And if you need five devices, they have a special Hipster Douche-Bag package.

Ex-NBA star, Gilbert Arenas, posted a video making jokes about killing Nick Taylor’s baby mama. With friends like Arenas, who needs explosive diarrhea?  

A JAMA psychiatry study claims watching too much pornography can shrink you’re brain. Or for some of you . . . porn . . . no . . . good . . . for . . . inside . . . head. 

A story about a Philadelphia woman shoplifting Walmart fireworks in her vagina, and they exploded, is a hoax. Of course its a hoax. A, it would have been a dude, B, they would be in his butt and, C, it would have happened in Florida. 

Donald Trump might pick his daughter, Ivanka as his running mate. That ticket would be so incestuous they would have to play “Deliverance” banjo music every time they appeared. 

In Rio, a foot washed up on the Olympic beach volleyball venue. On the bright side, they finally found part of Jimmy Hoffa. 

After 20 years, the Spice Girls are going on a reunion tour. Let’s see, there is Scary, Posh, Sporty, Ginger, and Baby. And for this tour they’re adding Kim Kardashian, Chlamydia Spice. 

A JAMA psychiatry study claims watching too much pornography can shrink you’re brain. In a related story, (finger in lips) bebeahabehbehabeehabah. 

In Euro 2016, France beat Germany, 2-0. The exact opposite score of the World Wars. 

In Rio, a foot washed up on the Olympic beach volleyball venue. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the foot tested positive for steroids. 

There is a new computer program than can detect sarcasm in emails. It’s called “Duh. Hello?” 

There is a new computer program than can detect sarcasm in emails. Because it is sooooo hard to figure out sarcasm in emails, genius. 

“Deadspin” reports the Rio Olympics venues are not finished. The unfinished venues are the El Bribery Gymnastics Hall, the Los Corruptos Pool and the El Fraudulento Basketball arena. 

In Rio, a rotting foot washed up on the beach volleyball venue. Rio is now being charged in impersonating New Jersey. 

The official song of the Rio Olympics was released, “Alma e Coracao” (Soul and Heart) It’s called “Soul and Heart” because the title “Blame It on Rio” was already used. 

This is the week of the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Or as the bulls call it: the Goring of the Drunken Douche-bags. 

The impact of England leaving the European Union is hurting their economy. Prince Charles’s wife, Camilla’s has been cut down from three to two buckets of oats a day.

Donald Trump praised Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists. Upon which Saddam Hussein rose from his grave and said, “Leave me out of this, pumpkin face.” 

“Deadspin” is reporting the Rio Olympics are going to be a nightmare. It does not look good. The theme of the opening ceremony is “What Were They Thinking When They Picked Us?” 

A North Carolina couple was arrested after attacking each other with pizza rolls. Or as they call that in Florida, Italian Foreplay. 

This just in:

A Seattle man was arrested after he scanned his penis at the grocery checkout. He claims he misunderstood when they asked him if he was a club member. 

In Rio, just 36 days before the Olympics, a dismembered foot washed up on the beach volleyball venue. That’s too bad it was a foot, because, from what I have heard, Rio could really use a hand. 

In Denver, a mother was outraged when she found out her son’s Boy Scout camp was sponsored and attended by Hooters Girls. On the bright side, her son did earn his Buffalo Wings Merit Badge. 

In Denver, a mother was outraged when she found out her son’s Boy Scout camp was sponsored and attended by Hooters Girls. It did not help when her husband then signed up to be a Boy Scout. 

Former Bears coach, Mike Ditka, turned down an offer to speak for Donald Trump. Trump is in trouble. Mike Ditka wouldn't turn down a hemorrhoid commercial.  

In sad news the first actress to play Lois Lane, Noel Neill, died at 95. She lived a good life but oddly she was never able to recognize a man if he put on a Fedora and glasses. 

Yesterday, Joey Chestnut broke his own record for eating hot dogs with 70 in 10 minutes. And today your toilet is glad it does not belong to Joey Chestnut. Sorry. 

An Italian study claims pasta is not fattening. The opposing opinion will be provided by Chris Christie. 

My Dad Would Hate This

There is nothing I am prouder of than being told I am like my dad, Bob Kaseberg. My dad was a great guy. He died way too young at 62 when I was 30. I miss my dad a lot. 

When I was young, I was muscular. No lie. Ripped. From 14 to 40, I had six-pack abs before they were called six-pack abs. 

Now, at 57, I am too heavy. 

My daughter, Ann Caroline, the best thing to happen to me besides my wife, Virginia, came along when I was 40. As a result my cooking skills went up as my exercising skills went down. (And do not kid yourself, I am a damn good chef) Not that I am blaming my daughter for my being too fat, but, yes, it’s my daughter’s fault that I am too fat.

(To be kinder to myself, we are not talking about bathing-with-a-stick fat, just needs-to-lose-30-pounds fat) 

When my dad was young he was skinny. Skinny is a problem when you’re a guy. When he played football in the Army, my dad wanted to play tight end. His coach said, 

“Bob, you can run like a deer and you have great hands. But you are a wide receiver, you’re not big enough to be a tight end.” 

That broke my dad’s heart. (I inherited neither my dad's skinniness nor his good hands) 

As some of us do, when he got older, my dad put on a few pounds. Make no mistake, my dad was not what less sensitive people might call a fat guy, but he always wanted to lose about 25 pounds. Fine, 30 pounds. Like me. 

My dad was like me. He was way, way more sensitive than he appeared. My dad could give a good ribbing as well as anyone. Taking a ribbing? Eh. Not so much. Me too. I've been hearing the phrase, "You can dish it out, but you can't take it" my whole life.

My parents were like me, they were excellent judges of character.  As a result, they had amazing friends. Like I do. That is probably my single proudest achievement. My friends. 

But every now and then, because my parents threw parties, not often, but once in a great while, some guy they did not know well would come to the party, have a few drinks and, trying to be funny like my dad, this guy would make a joke about my dad’s stomach. Maybe even poke at it. 

You had to know my dad to know how much effort he put in to laughing off those jokes. But I could always see the hurt feelings in his eyes. It broke my heart. 

As a result, I am proud to say I have never teased anyone about their weight. 

Except for Charlie Bore, that guy was a freaking fat load.