Saturday, April 22, 2017

My noggin was like a toboggan, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Chicago Cubs’ Kris Bryant, has the most popular selling jersey. The least popular jersey? The United Airlines softball uniforms. 




In his interview with Diane Sawyer, Caitlyn Jenner warned people he does not want to discuss his sex-change procedure. Or as it is technically called: a deductadickome. 




In his interview with Diane Sawyer to promote his memoir, Caitlyn Jenner demanded privacy about his sex change procedure. That’s like hiring a skywriter to tell someone you do not want to marry them.




Since you asked:

In his headlong pursuit of fame, Bruce Jenner marries a woman and has two kids and utterly abandons that family. Then he marries another more famous woman, has two more kids and abandons them too. Then he marries a third even more famous woman, has two kids and sticks around because the money is better due to a sleazy reality show.


Then Bruce announces he has been living a lie and started three marriages and three families knowing he was really a woman and changes his name to Caitlyn. Some call that brave. I call it selfish. 


Caitlyn has a sex change operation, writes a book about it and has Diane Sawyer interview him to promote the book where he announces he does not want to be asked about the sex change operation. 


This is reminiscent of the only time I happened to walk by “KUWTK” and got it splattered on me. Bruce was teaching Kylie to drive. She alerted to him that there were some photographers in the car in back of them taking pictures. Bruce lost his mind and basically ran that car off the road endangering him and his young daughter.

Bruce got out of the car and fully road-raged on the paparazzi screaming at them for taking their picture. He did all of this with two freaking “KUWTK” cameramen in his own car. How is it even possible to be that much of a hypocrite? 

Anyone who is against gay marriage, like Jenner, cannot be a spokesperson for transgenders. Jenner cares for nothing but himself and that precludes other transgenders. 


We are just starting to get some semblance of an idea of what a catastrophically selfish asshole Caitlyn Jenner really is.


And while I am not proud of this, I just cannot help but wonder what that thing would fetch on eBay.






Behold the wonder and the glory that is Hollywood Gay Magic. Khloe before makeup and after.

Friday, April 21, 2017



A beach in San Diego had to close after a 1,000 gallon sewage spill. Authorities had no choice but to drag everyone out and change the name to the Beach of United Airlines. 



A German study claims watching too much Internet porn can damage your short-term memory. But what do those Canadians know anyway?


“Vanity Fair,” has an article that claims Donald and Melania Trump’s marriage is bad. How bad? Caitlyn Jenner has a better relationship with Bruce’s penis.





Kris Jenner is furious at Caitlyn Jenner for her tell-all book. Have you seen Kris’s face? There is resting bitch face. Kris has resting pissed face. 


“Fox News” is paying Bill O’Reilly $25 mil. to leave for sexual harassment. To which many male “Fox News” workers said, “Hey ladies, show us your boobs.” 

In Kansas City, there was another altercation between a passenger and an airline employee, this time an American Airlines pilot. The way things are going, “Con Air” had better passenger-airline relationships.

The Chargers’ schedule is out: Betray San Diego by slinking to Los Angeles and playing a game nobody cares about. Repeat 15 times. 

In Kansas City, there was another altercation between a passenger and an airline employee, this time an American Airlines pilot. The way things are going, there were Roman slave rowing ships with whips and a drum that had better passenger-crew relationships. 


Today is 4/21. This is the day pot smokers commemorate yesterday’s 4/20 by smoking pot again. 


Critics say Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino has too much sugar and fat. “And it’s not made out of real Unicorns,” said a disappointed Eric Trump.


Thursday, April 20, 2017

Then two most popular baby names for 2017 are Emma and Liam. The least popular baby name? United O’Reilly.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Tom Brady has decided to skip the White House Super Bowl winner ceremony. It’s not a big deal. Brady has won five Super Bowls. He’s been to the White House more than Melania Trump.




“Fox News” fired Bill O’Reilly over the sexual harassment charges. When it comes to sexual harassment, “Fox News” has a zero plus $15 mil. tolerance policy. 



During the White House Super Bowl ceremony for the New England Patriots, Donald Trump did not mention the absent Tom Brady once. It was as if Brady was listed as a dependent in Trump’s tax returns. 




The Kardashians are furious over Caitlyn Jenner’s tell-all memoir, “The Secrets of My Life.” Mostly because now they have to read a book. 



Tennis legend, 35-year-old Serena Williams, announced she is pregnant. Guess that makes the score - wait for it - 35-Love. 




Las Vegas casinos no longer give away free drinks to all gamblers. “We may have to rethink our move,” said the Oakland Raiders.




Tuesday, April 18, 2017

In his press conference apologizing for his arrest for assault, Adam “Pacman” Jones got in an altercation with a reporter. Been a rough week for Adam. Earlier this week he beat-up his anger-management therapist.

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Nancy Kerrigan continues to do well on “Dancing with the Stars.” In a related story, Tonya Harding bought a new toilet seat cozy for her trailer after winning a $20 scratch-off. 

 In a related story, Tonya Harding got a speeding ticket and told the cop to screw himself without taking the Marlboro from her lips.


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In his Cincinnati press conference apologizing for his arrest for assault, Adam “Pacman” Jones got in an altercation with a reporter. That’s like holding a press conference apologizing for sexual harassment and then asking the woman reporter for a date.



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In his press conference apologizing for his arrest for assault, Adam “Pacman” Jones got in an altercation with a reporter. On the bright side Adam landed an endorsement deal with United. 


(Assist Stefan M)