We gonna stay in the fray like back in the day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Getting’ up there
“Gilmore Girls” aired its last show last night. That is shocking. I had no idea “Gilmore Girls” was still on the air. By now they are so old isn’t it; “The Gilmore Golden Girls”?


Coincidence
Donald Trump became a grandfather over the weekend, a baby girl named Kai. Kai is an old Danish name that, roughly translated, means bad hair day.

Skating in L.A. nobody skates in L.A. Except murdering celebrities
At Phil Spector’s murder trial; Spector’s chauffeur testified Spector said; “I think I killed somebody” and he saw blood on Spector’s hands. Despite all the evidence, Spector won’t go to jail, celebrities in L.A. can’t be convicted of murder unless they kill somebody in the courtroom.


At Phil Spector’s murder trial; Spector’s chauffeur testified Spector said; “I think I killed somebody” and he saw blood on Spector’s hands. Despite the iron clad evidence, Spector won’t go to jail, celebrities in L.A. can’t be convicted of murder. Just for fun, “Deal or No Deal” host Howie Mandel ran over two drifters on the way to the show.

What a fun show
A Hamas child’s TV show features a Mickey Mouse-like character, named Farfur, who preaches Muslim hatred against Israel and the U.S. Don’t confuse this with Hamas’s sex education-character: Humpie the Camel.


Since you asked:

This Floyd Landis “Sam the Eagle” ass-clown should fry

This jerk has thrown everyone he can think of under the bus. When he tested positive for synthetic testosterone he blamed it in on his team’s chef, whisky, the French, the Tour De France itself, the doctor who did the test, his trainer, his teammates and I am pretty sure, at some point, he blamed former ex-CIA head slimy weasel George Tenet. Or was it Tenet blamed Landis?

Now Landis tells his business manager about LeMonde telling him –in confidence, by the way - about being molested by his uncle to show Landis how, if something bad happened, taking drugs in Landis’s case, that it is better to let it out. You think the manager did this threat to LeMonde on his own? Landis had to tell his manager about it in the first place and it fits to a tee how Landis has tried to screw everyone else to save his cheating ass.

The sport of cycling in the US is now dead and the guy who Phil Spector’d it is Floyd Landis.

Snaps it back and hold it, baby one more time, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Yankee Geezer
The New York Yankees signed 45-year-old pitcher, Roger Clemens, for $28 million. Clemens is older, so the Yankees gave him concessions: no pitching when “Matlock” is on, the pre-game spread is replaced with the early bird special and he gets to drive his Rascal scooter the mound.

Say what? Rollercoaster
It’s prom time. Things are different from when I was a kid. Now the boys rent limos, take their date to dinner, the proms are held in luxury ballrooms. And also the boys have a much better chance of getting lucky then we did, depending on which teacher they asked out.

Ouch
Legislators in New York want to make a license mandatory for strippers including forming a task force that will enforce this law. In a related story, Bill Clinton pulled both of his hamstring muscles sprinting to apply for the head stripper task force job.

I, uh, I did not know that (my best Johnny the C.)
Several hundred people ate nearly 100 pounds of fried lamb, sheep and bull testicles at the annual Testicle Festival in Elderon, Wisconsin. Elderon is an old Fox Indian word that means: Hillary.

That’s, uh, that’s a true story (Again with the King)
A cruise ship ran aground in Alaska. What happened was, after the midnight buffet, the passengers weighed so much, the hull sank down and hit the bottom.

That’s, uh, that’s good stuff (The Great Carsoni)
A first class stamp has gone up two cents to 41 cents. To put that in perspective, it is still cheaper to cover your car with stamps and mail it someplace than it is to fill it up with gas and drive there.

Oh no he di’ . . . ‘nt
Paris Hilton is facing 45-days of jail; did you know they have a new name for what Paris is: a celeb-utante, half celebrity half debutante. That’s better than Paris’s other name: Prosti-skank.

Oh yes I di’ . . .’id
Scientists in Wisconsin have developed a cap that gives the equivalent of 8 hours sleep in 3 hours. It works by slowing your brain waves to their lowest level. The only problem is once they slow your brain to its lowest level, you get an incredible urge to marry and divorce Britney Spears.

Wrong
On a Hamas kids TV show they use a Mickey Mouse-like character to preach hatred against Israel and the United States. “M-I-C, see you at the Jihad, K-E-Y Why? Because we hate the infidels. M-O-U-S-E.”

On a Hamas kids TV show they use a Mickey Mouse-like character to preach hatred against Israel and the United States. This was following their first character, Blow Me Up Elmo.

I’m just sayin’ I’m just sayin’ three words: sucks to be (adding a fourth) them, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not clear on the concept
Now it’s looking like Paris Hilton will only do half of her 45 day sentence. I’m not sure Paris understands, when told she may only have to do half of her sentence, Paris said; “Can I do afternoons? I’m not a morning person.”

A slight problem
Paris Hilton is facing 45 days in jail. Paris actually contacted Ca Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger and asked him to intervene in her incarceration. Arnold can’t help, not that he doesn’t want to help, it’s just Arnold can’t pronounce intervene in her incarceration.

Not good
A study claims that oral sex causes throat cancer. The only good news for Paris Hilton? She might not make it long enough to go to jail.

Side effect
Scientists in Wisconsin have developed a cap that gives you the equivalent of 8 hours sleep in just 3 hours. It works by slowing your brain waves to their lowest level. The only problem is once they slow your brain to its lowest level, you shave your head and go into rehab.

Doesn’t qualify as private
Paris Hilton is facing 45 days in jail. When Paris goes to jail they will have to search her private parts. But since all of Paris parts are public, they can skip that.

The gift that gives
A new study reveals that iPods can cause pacemakers to crash. In a related story, Hillary Clinton just sent Dick Cheney and iPod for an early Father’s Day present

How smoky was it?
There was a huge fire in Los Angeles. It was so smoky people actually went into a movie theater showing “Snoop Dog’s Hood of Horror” just to avoid the smoke.

No big deal
Paris Hilton faces jail time. When she goes to jail they will strip Paris and give her a body cavity search, then they will douse her with delousing powder and then hose her down. In other words, Paris’s normal pre-date routine.

Happy Mother’s Day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Día feliz de Madre

Fête Des Mères heureuse

Glücklichen Muttertag

Festa della mamma felice

День Счастливой Матери

Mãe feliz Dia

幸福的母亲节

幸福な母の日


Yesterday, Ann Caroline, without any prompting, was busy making Mother’s Day presents. Cards, drawings, a flower, etc. As all of her handy work was on her desk in her play room, she posted a sign on the front of her playroom door saying:

“Mom, please do not come in here. I am working on your presents.”

Cute, I thought. So I took a peek inside. On the other side of the door she had posted another sign:

“If you can read this, Mom, why are you in here?”