Thursday, August 09, 2007

We gonna hit da kine da kine, brahddah, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That should do it
“Desperate Housewives” wants to cast David Beckham to play the gay lover of singer Robbie Williams. Yeah, that should end all the American sports fans opinions that soccer is a sissy sport.

“Desperate Housewives” wants to cast David Beckham to play the gay lover of singer Robbie Williams. The episode will be called “Gender bend it like Beckham.”

Weepy
Ex-drug-troubled Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin gave a tearful Hall of Fame speech. How much did Irvin cry? Irvin was crying more than the public relations director of the Atlanta Falcons.

Weak
In Florida a man with no arms and one leg, Michael Wiley, faces sentencing for leading police on a high speed chase. Wiley is not expected to get the maximum time because, well, he wasn’t armed.

Reason enough
Scholars at the University of Texas have catalogued 237 different reasons why people have sex. Except for married men. They have one reason why they have sex. The wife said “OK, just stop begging.”

Oui
Five armed robbers raided a Paris art gallery and stole five masterpiece paintings including a Claude Monet; the Monet was beloved by the French as it was an expressionist study in light called: “Pierre Surrenders at Sunset.”

Doh!
“The Simpsons Movie” opened number one. You know the difference between OJ Simpson and Homer Simpson? Homer is looking for the real crullers.

‘Roids
The Giants Barry Bonds set the all time home run record of 756. Did you know that Babe Ruth broke the home run record by 576? For Bonds to do that, he would have to take so many steroids his head would be bigger than Ted Kennedy’s.

Now that is scary
Britney Spears was alone in her car and had a bad fender bender. It was so scary, Britney almost wet the panties she wasn’t wearing.

In other words
Kobe Bryant denied the rumor that he is getting divorced. Kobe also denied the rumor that he wants to be traded. So this means two things: Kobe is getting divorced and he wants to be traded.

A sure sign
Delta had to cancel a flight because the flight attendant was drunk. They suspected she was drunk during the pre-flight safety demonstration when she said;

“Raise your hand if you are so stupid you don’t know how to buckle a freakin’ seatbelt.”

Yikes
In Kentucky, an incoming prisoner tried to sneak in an iPhone by sticking it in his rectum. And you thought it was dangerous to drive with your cell phone?

Monday, August 06, 2007

To and fro on the down low, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Despite all the hype, $250 million soccer import David Beckham continues to sit on the L.A. Galaxy bench nursing a sore ankle. What do you do with a sore ankle? Mend it like Beckham.

In Florida a no-arms, one legged man, Michael Wiley, faces sentencing for leading police on a high speed chase. He is hoping to get off but his case doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Scholars at the University of Texas have catalogued 237 different reasons why people have sex. Not making the list included wearing a really cool Klingon suit, owning a ferret and being the first one to read the last Harry Potter book.

“The Simpsons Movie” opened number one and did $74 million at the box office. $74 million, that is a lot of “Doh!”

I sure hope all this wealth and fame don’t give Homer a big head.