These just in:

Jesse Jackson was caught on camera making derogatory remarks about Barack Obama. Between Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Jeremiah Wright, if Barack received any more abuse at the hands of clergymen he’d be an alter boy.


Since his affair with Madonna, New York Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez has been in a slump. And don’t look for any help from Jason Giambi, after A-Rod slept with Madonna there is no way Giambi will lend A-Rod the slump-busting gold thong.

A financial advisor to John McCain called us a nation of whiners. Ohhh, that is soooo mean, we are not a nation of whiners, take that back or we are going to hold our breath until we turn blue.


A financial advisor to John McCain called us a nation of whiners. Do you think we’re a nation of whiners? Bellyachers, snivelers and crybabies, maybe, but not whiners.

The Christie Brinkley-Peter Cook divorce trial was settled out of court. Earlier it was revealed that Cook spent $3,000 a month on pornography, or as he prefers to call it: prostate cancer prevention.


Rev. Jesse Jackson was caught on camera making derogatory remarks about wanting to cut off Barack Obama’s testicles. What kind of reverend says that? The reverend of the Church of Lorena Bobbitt?


Rev. Jesse Jackson was caught on camera making derogatory remarks about wanting to cut off Barack Obama’s testicles. Upon hearing this, a jealous Rev. Al Sharpton replied; “Oh yeah? Well I want to cut off Barack’s Cheney.”

We gonna whack it stack it and cracker jack it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That explains it
France’s first lady, Carla Bruni, who used to date Eric Clapton, Mick Jagger, Donald Trump, Kevin Costner to name a few, has released a new album online. In it she dedicates each song to a former lover. That explains why there are 3,397 songs on the album.

Oh, no Sir, they don’t, oh forget it
President Bush met with Russian President Medvedev in Japan. It was a little awkward at one point when Bush asked Medvedev what he did to celebrate the Fourth of July.

Good one, Sir, now get up please
President Bush is at the G-8 conference in Japan. It gets a little old though, every time somebody says G-8, Bush yells “Bingo” and falls down laughing.

Let’s see Jesse get out of this one
Jesse Jackson was caught on camera making derogatory remarks about Barack Obama. I can’t say what Jesse threatened to do to Barack, but it is the same procedure Hillary would love to perform on Bill.

Jesse Jackson was caught on camera making derogatory remarks about Barack Obama. Jackson was once caught saying the anti-semetic term Hymie-town, and he paid hundred’s of thousands to his mistress and her illegitimate child. Who does Jackson think he is, the governor of New York?

No word if Jackson also wanted to kick Obama’s heini to Hymie-town.

Jesse Jackson was caught on camera making horrible remarks about Barack Obama. Jackson then issued an apology Jesse Jackson style;

I regret I said I would castrate you, Obama
Give my apology straight to your Momma
It was wrong to say I would cut off your boys
It’s just that my big mouth simply has to make noise

Now, I don’t want to imply that Jesse Jackson’s influence has diminished, but his popularity Q-rating now ranks somewhere between Ralph Nader and Salmonella.

New meaning to imbedded
Foreign CBS correspondent Lara Logan is pregnant from a married man with a family she met in Iraq. Apparently when they told her to go to Baghdad she thought they told her to go bag a dad.

What about Jager shooters?
According to CNN News, John McCain would win if only beer drinkers voted. Barack Obama would win if only wine drinkers voted. And if only Red Bull and Vodka drinkers voted, Beyonce would win as a write-in candidate.

On top of it
Boulder police say DNA evidence now clears the Ramsey family in the 1996 murder of their six-year-old daughter Jon Benet Ramsey. In addition, the Boulder police revealed they think OJ Simpson may have been somewhat involved in his wife Nicole’s murder.

Like that
President Bush met with Russian President Medvedev and proclaimed him a smart guy. That’s like Dick Cheney calling someone a cuddly and warm human being.

We gonna walk it like we talk it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Kinda like that
Today was the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona Spain. A bunch of scared people desperately try and keep from being crushed by a whole lot of bull. Like during our presidential election.

Hate to see that
Barack Obama is going to accept the democratic nomination in Denver at Invesco Field at Mile High Stadium. Is that a good idea? If that stadium is anything like it is for the Broncos, Barack’s nomination will be intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

Not a thing wrong here
The United Arab Emirates has excused $3 billion of Iraq’s debt to improve diplomatic ties. Let’s see. The largest terrorist financier getting chummy with Iraq. Gosh, what could go wrong there?

Good plan
41-year-old Dara Torres qualified for the Olympic team. For the Olympics, Torres has a unique race strategy. The Soccer Mom is going to get all jacked-up on Starbucks Lattes and, right before the starting gun, she is going to put all of her teenage competitors in a time-out.

Nice find
In Virginia, archeologists discovered George Washington’s childhood home and there was no cherry tree. But they did find a toy ship given to Washington by his boyhood friend John McCain.