No, Wig-uh-wee, noooo, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
(When Wrigley peed on the Christmas tree when Ann Caroline was five)
Sadly, Liz Taylor passed at 79. Did you know that Liz Taylor was born in England? She was born in England, but to American parents. Which explains her beautiful teeth.
Did you see the footage of the French jets bombing Libya? Those French jets are amazing. They can actually fly backwards when retreating.
A 92-year-old Florida woman upset her 53-year-old neighbor refused to kiss her, shot a pistol at his house four times. Her exact words were; “Knock granny a kiss or I’ll bust a cap in yo ass.”
Sadly, beautiful actress Liz Taylor passed at 79. Liz’s eighth and last husband was Larry Fortensky. For those too young to remember, Larry Fortensky was the useless freeloading pioneer for Spencer Pratt and Bruce Jenner.
Kim Kardashian asked her twitter followers for a name for her new perfume. Ode to Bimbo?
The “American Idol” contestants sang Motown songs. But I think the contestants are too young to appreciated Motown; like that one contestant who kept trying to wave hello to Stevie Wonder.
Chris Brown threw a chair out the window at “Good Morning America.” That’s not the worst part, Rihanna was sitting in the chair at the time.
The East got hit with one last winter storm. It was so cold in Washington, DC, the air traffic controller at Reagan airport needed two blankets to fall asleep.
Two airliners had to land at Reagan Airport in Washington DC without help from the traffic controller because he was asleep in the tower. The controller was really out because the pilots shouted, and you know how loud drunks can be.
In the NCAA tournament, Brigham Young goes against Florida. The schools are different. Brigham Young suspended one of their best players, Brandon Davies, for having premarital sex. Florida frowns on it when their players miss practice to have sex.
On “American Idol” Steven Tyler told contestants; “You can’t make a three point shot from under the net.” “You don’t look a day over fabulous.” And “E to the Z oh diddly dee.” Since when did Steven Tyler start channeling Charlie Sheen?
Since you asked:
Want to know how tough the entertainment bidness can be? One of the funniest shows on TV just probably got the axe, NBC’s “Perfect Couples.” While sometimes the writing could be predictable “You woman are crazy.” “No, you men are crazy” the actors could rise above it with their comedic talents and over-the top guts.
And, personally, I would watch Olivia Munn if she was on the despised-by-Lex QVC.
“Hmm, Virg could use a giant fake diamond necklass . . .”
Things men should never do past the age of 40
Wear lycra bike shorts in public when not riding a bike. Sure, you need lycra shorts for cycling, they have padding and prevent chafing, just have the decency to wear shorts over them at the coffee shop.
Get a tattoo or a piercing. This includes ears.
Grow a pony tail.
Wear a football jersey with the name of a player younger than you.
Go to a strip club
Date a woman under 30.
Use the word hook up for having sex.
Flash gang fingers and make pouty rapper lips at the camera.
Say the words chillax, broheim or whhhaaaaat.
Listen to or especially create a rap song.
Post a video of yourself dancing.
Wear low hanging pants
Wear chains dangling from your pants pocket
Snoop Dog at "Roast of Donald Trump"
"Now Donald say he wants to run for president and move into the White House. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time you pushed a black family outta they home."