Saturday, December 20, 2008

I'll be sitting in on harmonica tonight with a talented young guitarist and his keyboard player at my buddy Shibuya's Christmas party Saturday. The kid is good, I've seen him play a killer "Little Wing" on YouTube, so I think it will work out and be fun. These things either work great or they suck. The difference is that, now that I am more experienced, I know to stop if it sucks. When I was younger I would keep going and try to make it work.

The worst was when I was in college. I knew this woman, who has since been diagnosed as having a terminal case of Narcissist Personality Disorder, so she thought she was far better on the guitar than she was. But she always insisted we try to play. The problem was, not only wasn't she any good, but her guitar was tuned to itself and not any real key. But she kept saying I was out of key. There was no explaining to her that harmonicas are made in the right key. Harmonicas are like fish, you can tune a guitar, you can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.

That's why I have a twenty harmonica case. The harmonicas are made in the keys of A, Ab, B, Bb, C, D, E, Eb F, F# and G. They are made in more obscure keys as well, but these are the main ones. (I will spare you the boring details of why the harmonica plays four keys up than the guitar to play in cross harp. If the guitar is in E, I play A, if it is in A, I play a D, and so on. My personal favorite is when the guitar is in C, and I play an F harp. This is also known as the second position. There is a third position as well to make things really confusing)

A few gigs ago, my band the Railheads - not my band, I am a member - had a great gig at a private party. A beautiful ranch house out in San Marcos, great party, amazing local Mexican food and awesome margaritas. The crowd was great and danced and applauded through sunset and into the night. (I am saying gig too much, shout out to my gal Tina Fey)

But I had to go and curse it by thinking; "This gig is too good to be true."

No sooner had I thought that then, during a break, this slacker/skateboarder/rocker dude just rolls up shuffling along with his guitar case and a huge amp on a trolly/gurney. Without so much as saying a word to any of us, he proceeds to set up on the stage.

The hostess ran over and apologetically said to our band founder, the multi-talented Bill;

"Oh, that's my neighbor's kid, Josh. He asked if he could sit in and I said I would ask. But I didn't tell him he could."

Luckily for this jamoke, the Railheads, Bill, Chris, Steve, Bob, Murray, Luke and me, are about as nice at letting people sit in as any band I've played with. I've been on both sides of this and 90% of bands just say no. This Josh dude clearly didn't know this. If he did, he didn't care.

So we tried to feel him out to see what was what.

"So, Josh, what kind of music do you play?" Bill asked nicely.

"I'm in a band." Josh said as if we were stupid not to have known that, "We play pretty hard core stuff. Heavy metal and punk, but I can play your stuff too."

Oh goody, I said under my breath.

We told him what key the next song was in, A, but Josh didn't seem to care. This was not a good sign. It turns out he was right not to care because, not only did he play in the wrong key, his guitar was totally out of tune. And besides being out of tune and not in key, he was totally out of rhythm. And he didn't play the same notes, out of tune, rhythm and key regardless. And he was turned up way too loud.

But besides that, he was awesome.

The best part was he looked and acted like Pete Townsend at the Cow Palace in San Francisco. If you've ever wondered where those clueless people on "American Idol" come from, this guy was it. Not that we are U2 but at least we can play a freaking song.

It soon became apparent what the problem was; this Josh goof didn't know how to play the guitar. We were crying we were laughing so hard and he could not have cared less. He just whaled away rocking out all the while sounding like he was electrocuting a cat.

Our awesome Irish lead guitarist, Luke, was as nice as he could be. He tuned the guy's guitar and tried to show him the fingering of the chords. How did Josh respond?

"Dude, like I got my own style of playing."

At that I leaned over to our awesome drummer Chris and murmered;

"And by style do you mean sucking horribly?"

Chris was laughing so hard he was doubled over.

We never said anything to Josh. There was no point. We didn't want to hurt his feelings - if in fact that was possible - and it wouldn't have done any good. He really thought he was Eric freaking Clapton.


Friday, December 19, 2008

TV news shows actually hauled in, and paid, so-called cultural experts to explain that, in the Arab world, throwing a shoe at someone is an insult. This just in: the easiest job in the world is being a cultural expert.

“Duh, uh, yeah, uh, in many cultures peeing on someone’s foot can be considered, uh, impolite.”

Oh Lord, please tell me how I can get me some of that sweet, sweet cultural expert coin?
We gots to hang chilly, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Cover shots

“Time” named Barack Obama “Person of the Year.” And Sarah Palin made the cover of “Moose Tracker Quarterly.”

Finally, OJ is right about something

Snow closed the airport at Las Vegas. I guess OJ Simpson was right, he is going to prison when hell freezes over.


The secret service is under fire because they didn’t stop the shoes from being thrown at President Bush. You get the feeling the Secret Service isn’t taking this seriously, today they changed President Bush’s Secret Service code name to Loafer.

Here is my much awaited (cough) treatise on The Dixie Chicks saga.

Saw the Dixie Chick Bush-comment controversy documentary “Shut Up and Sing” and it was interesting musically, politically and demographically.

To review, in 2003, on the night before the Iraq war started when patriotism was at an all time high and nobody – especially little Dixie Chick lead singer, Natalie Maines - knew what was going to happen in Iraq, in front of an staunchly anti-Bush London crowd, Natalie announced they were against people getting killed in Iraq and that they were ashamed that President Bush came from their home state of Texas.

It is my opinion this was neither an anti-war stance nor a brave political stand but rather simply Natalie Maines sucking up to anti-American Europeans for the sake of being well received during her London show. Who isn’t against people getting killed and or violence and war?

Once young naïve Natalie let the toothpaste out of the tube, there was no putting it back. But what she did next was tantamount to smearing the toothpaste in everyone’s face and all over the walls.

When their core country red state audience objected to that anti-Bush remark on the eve of our nation going into battle, Natalie took offense and turned around and insulted them. That was the big mistake, not her Bush comment. If she had just shut up and or apologized, Bush would eventually prove her right.

The lead singer, Natalie Maines, of a band that decided to call themselves a nickname for the heart of country music, Dixie, insulted country fans as ignorant, violent and stupid. She went on to disparage other country artists like Toby Keith and Reba McIntyre and their fans. It would be slow, painful career suicide.

Toby Keith represents the right wing side of the same mistake. Although, unlike Maines, Keith is at least smart enough to realize most country fans are conservative, nonetheless, why would Keith risk alienating his few liberal fans? Both sides in this nasty fight were stupid. (Natalie appeared onstage with a FUTK shirt trying to be cute by saying it meant Freedom, Unity, Tenderness and Kindness or something just as lame)

All Natalie Maines had to do before she lashed out at country music fans as stupid red necks was to look at the name of her band and at the fiddle player and banjo players on either side. They are nothing if not a country band. And Maines goes after country fans? Like with OJ and the memorabilia heist, it was an example of total arrogance and ignorance.

Once cornered, Natalie became very defensive and, to their credit, her fellow DC’s, Emily and Marty, rallied around her. Natalie certainly had the right of free speech. But so did the people who called country stations to boycott her music, but Natalie thought that part of free speech was wrong and she said so hammering country  music fans along the way.

As the Dixie Chicks were to find out quickly, democracy works both ways. It may not work that way in the world of the pampered music stars, but it does in the real world.

As time went on and their record sales plummeted and radio stations boycotted them and their projected concert revenues tanked, Natalie flipped and recanted her anti-Bush statement in an obvious too-little-too-late insincere attempt to stop hemorrhaging money. Now whatever credibility Natalie had with the fans who might have respected her position, even if they didn’t agree with her, was now gone.

Upon seeing the non-reaction her apology got, Natalie got angry again and switched back to recanting her recanting making even more anti-Bush –once his popularity started plummeting - and derogatory red state and insulting country music fan statements to the press and in the songs she wrote. In interviews and lyrics, Maines told her old fans to piss off and that she would find “cooler” -her word - fans who agreed with her political views.

From where did Maines think this cooler fan base would materialize? Did she really believe all the blue state people who hated Bush would suddenly develop a love of banjo and fiddle music just because Natalie hated Bush too? That is one huge ego without much brains behind it.

And I submit it really isn’t about politics anyway. The Sixties are long over, the days of music fans being stoned enough to endure self-righteous political lectures by singers ended thankfully with Joan Baez and Bob Dylan long ago. Right or left wing, we now want our music and our politics separated.

The last real Eagles concert was in Long Beach Arena in 1981 which I attended. It was a benefit concert for anti-nuke liberal congressman Alan Cranston. It said so on the tickets, all the proceeds would go to his campaign, which I felt was fair and, being more liberal at the time, I was more than happy to support Cranston.

And this was the heart of Eagle fan country, Southern California. As with the Dixie Chicks, there is a difference between people who like a band and own a few of their albums and the people who go to see them in concert. The concert goers are far more fanatical. This crowd looked like the Eagles, most had on Eagles t-shirts from previous concerts. It was clear the Eagles were a part of this crowd’s – man, I hate to use this word – lifestyle, but they were.

But even when our beloved Glenn Frey stood up and started talking about Cranston, the crowd booed and booed loudly. (To me that seemed unfair since that was the stated purpose of the show, and it pissed off Frey but good) It wasn’t that the audience was a bunch of right-wingers, the sweet smoke smell in the air was proof that wasn’t the case, they just didn’t want to hear a political lecture during a concert. Nobody does anymore. We want entertainment and politics to be separate.

That was the final straw for Frey and lead guitarist Don Felder and they got in a fight over it backstage and the band broke up.

The Dixie Chick’s 2006 tour was a disaster by any measure. The only venues that sold out were in Canada and the blue state Northeast. Houston wouldn’t even let them perform. Ticket sales for the Dixie Chicks in Dixieland were virtually non existent. They had totally destroyed their core fan base they had worked so hard to build.

Let’s be fair, the Dixie Chicks weren’t the only stupid ones on this. There was plenty of footage in “SUAS” of moronic mouth-breathers who were way, way too angry at what the Dixie Chicks said. One psycho fan threatened to shoot them at a Dallas show. Who cares what nut job right wingers think anyway? The Dixie Chicks – mostly Natalie - made the mistake of specifically insulting their more-middle-of-the-road once loyal country music fans along with the nut jobs.

Sabes don't throw out the baby with the dirty bath water? 

But being extremely talented musicians – for what it’s worth, I like their music - the Dixie Chicks continued to make records that sold and won music awards. But the hardcore Dixie Chick concert-going Southern fans, the ones musicians live for, the heart and soul of any band, had vanished forever. Nobody has destroyed a fan base more efficiently except for Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and they had the help of booze and drugs.

To this day poor little Natalie Maines doesn’t get it. She thinks the country fans she did so much for turned on her the split-second she needed them. That wasn’t true. She turned on them when they didn’t agree with her. (Something tells me little Natalie Maines doesn’t spend a lot of time in Mensa meetings)

Public relations departments should teach how not to do what the Dixie Chicks did. Their world must have been so insulated for them to think, yeah, let’s insult our core fan’s patriotic beliefs in front of a bunch of American-hating Europeans and then insult those same American fans again for objecting about us doing it in the first place. Oh, and let’s also ask them to buy our records and concerts and have their radio stations play our music while we’re doing it.

In the end of "SUAS" it is painfully clear poor little Natalie Maines sees herself as a tragic free speech martyr. Maines is a lot of things: cute, bubbly, rich,famous, personable, funny and talented, but she is by no means a martyr. She shot herself - and her band - in the foot but good. Then she kept reloading and shooting her foot again. 

The ones I do feel sorry for are the two other Dixie Chicks besides Natalie Maines, Marty and Emily. They were sweet and loyal to the lip-flapping attention-whore Maines to the end. And they got screwed for it. Now that wasn't fair. 

What's the moral? Let me drop a little marketing wisdom here: if you want someone to buy your music, do not call them dumb redneck hicks. They pretty much don't like it. 

But everything is going to be fine for the Dixie Chicks. They seem nice and down-to-earth, even the ditsy diva Maines, and they really are talented and talent will win out.

Oh, and Rumor has it Kristen Stewart is a huge fan.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The hookers on Hollywood Blvd are offering a Blagojevich: for $200, they''ll sell you their seat.

The Secret Service is in hot water for not stopping the second shoe thrown at President Bush; in their defense they were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Something tells me these Secret Service agents are not taking this shoe throwing incident seriously; today they renamed President Bush's Secret Service code name: Rockport. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Getting’ her done on the run under the gun, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Uh, yuck
Michael Jackson auctioned the diamond encrusted white glove he wore in “Thriller.” Call me crazy, but my rule is never buy a garment from Michael Jackson that features the word encrusted.

That would be it
The most popular baby boy names in 2008 were Aiden, Logan and Caden. The least popular baby boy name in 2008? Osama OJ Blagojevich.

Oh, that’s nice
The bad news for Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich is that his impeachment process has begun, the good news is that Blagojevich’s hair landed a job with a Beatles Tribute band.

That would be it, 2
During her contentious divorce from Guy Ritchie, Madonna referred to Ritchie as “an emotional retard.” You know what the medical term is for someone who is emotionally retarded? A man.

During Guy Ritchie’s nasty divorce from Madonna, she referred to Ritchie as “an emotional retard.” As opposed to that deep well of sensitivity known as Alex Rodriguez who cheated on his foul-mouthed diva golddigger wife with every stripper in New York City.

Everyone is getting into the Christmas spirit. In Chicago they put holiday lights on that thing on Blagojevich’s head.

Everyone is getting into the holiday spirit. Today a reporter threw his ice skates at President Bush.

That would be about right
The world’s oldest title now belongs to Maria de Jesus from Portugal who is 115. When asked what she thought of having the title world’s oldest person, Maria said; “Oh, I am so screwed.”

Her last name, de Jesus means With Jesus, which is pretty much where she’ll be in a few months.

News programs brought in cultural experts who reported that throwing a shoe at someone is considered an insult in the Muslim world. Really? As opposed to those cultures where throwing a dirty smelly shoe at someone’s head is considered good luck? “Hey, Bob, I’m going for that big promotion, throw your Florsheims at my face.”

Rod Blagojevich is fighting his impeachment. This is a guy caught on tape by the FBI trying to sell a US Senate seat to the highest bidder. And politicians actually wonder why we think they’re idiotic sleaze-balls?

Is it just me, or does this Blagojevich dope look like the shift manager at Applebee’s who asks; “And how are your onion rings today?”

Since you asked:

Saw the Tom Cruise on “Dave” and I gotta say, for a diminutive, egomaniacal whacked-out over-controlling nut-job movie star, he seems like a pretty good guy. But is he or isn’t he? The dude was still wrestling other dudes intentionally all through high school.

Or as Robert Downey Jr.’s awesome character on “Tropical Thunder” might have said it;

“He’s the dude wrestlin’ the dude who likes to wrestle with dudes.”

Enough said.

Three movies I am going to go out and see in the theaters this holiday: “Cadillac Records” and “Valkyrie” and “Marley and Me.”

As Dave said last night, I hate to blow my own horn, but I would if I could – no, actually, I wouldn’t – but man, oh, man did I outdo myself on the grill and in the kitchen last nicht, rain be damned.

Got some really nice looking pieces of Mahi Mahi, and rubbed them with garlic powder Old Bay seasoning and pepper. Grilled them real hot on the searing burners for just about two and half minutes a side. Enough for the grill marks but it was still under done in the middle.

Before and while grilling I had a white wine and chicken broth, butter and capers with garlic reduction sauce on the stove while the chicken broth and rice were cooking in the rice cooker. Threw in the fish and asparagus in the sauce for the last ten minutes.

Served the Mahi and asparagus over rice pilaf with the sauce and Bob is your Uncle, Slats and Nugs, Bob is your freakin’ mofizzy Uncle. It’s a Spanish recipe I got from none other than Diego Voodshchteps after his last trip to Spain. Props goin’ all out to the Woodman.

And yes, I know what you’re going to say about the asparagus, but let’s take the high road for a change, OK S’s and N’s?

The only problem is that, like the adolescent knucklehead I still am in my head, I kept saying, while cooking; “What does an Italian hunter say when he didn’t shoot the goose?”

“I spare a goose” (Asparagus) over and over until even Ann Caroline told me to knock it off.

(Polite applause)
Step off with your good foot now*, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Good news

The Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at President Bush is being hailed as a hero in the Muslim world. Not only that, the New York Yankees may pick him up as a middle reliever.

Get correct
Guy Ritchie received $92 mil in his divorce settlement from Madonna. During the contentious divorce Madonna referred to Ritchie as “an emotional retard.” Excuse me, Madonna, but we guys prefer the term “emotionally challenged.”

Guy Ritchie received $92 mil in his divorce settlement from Madonna. And for some odd legal reason, Heather Mills got $20 million.

We kid the Rosie
Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show, “The Rosie Show” was cancelled after one show because of abysmal ratings; viewers figured out if they wanted to watch a cranky lesbian, they’ll just wait for Simon Cowell on “American Idol.”

What’s in a name?
Bernard Madoff scammed $50 billion dollars from his investors. Shouldn’t the first clue have his last name is pronounced Made Off? It couldn’t have been more obvious he was a thief than if his last name was Embezzle.

Shouldn’t the first clue have been that his last name is pronounced Made Off? Don’t invest with guys named Swiped, Ripped-off or Pilfered either.

No, really
At an Iraqi press conference, President Bush dodged two shoes thrown by an angry reporter. Asked to comment, President Bush said; “Ah, the whole thing was a croc. No, really, he threw those rubber shoe Crocs, it wouldn’t have hurt anyway.”

Since you asked:
When I was taking the subway to the World Trade Center when I worked as a bond broker on Wall Street, if I was lucky, I caught the train with the funny, nice and friendly conductor. When the train pulled in at the WTC, he would say;

“Step off with your goooooood foot now and try and have yourself a nice day.”

It was amazing how much that funny and thoughtful line added to my mornings.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

We shoe dodgin’ up in this piece, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How cold is it?

It is cold and rainy here in Los Angeles, I was shaking like OJ Simpson when his cellmate told him he takes his juice in the can.

Foot in mouth

At an Iraqi press conference, President Bush deftly dodged two shoes thrown by an angry reporter, thus narrowly avoiding weapons of mass Desenex-tion.


At an Iraqi press conference, President Bush deftly dodged two shoes thrown by an angry reporter, I believe the reporter’s motto was: All the news that’s foot to print.

In the Muslim world, throwing shoes at someone is considered the highest insult whereas, in America, the highest insult is missing hitting a guy with two shoes from a mere 15 feet.

Bush may be a lame duck, but his dodge is pretty good.

That sums it up

President Bush has been busy listing his accomplishments while in office; only President Bush could be kept busy by listing President Bush’s accomplishments. For the rest of us it’s: Let’s see he didn’t burn down the White House, he dodged two shoes and, well, that’s about it.

Not good

With a win against the Kansas City Chiefs and a loss by the division leading Denver Broncos, the San Diego Chargers’ playoffs hopes are still alive. How alive? About as alive as that thing on Rod Blagojevich’s head.


With a win against the Kansas City Chiefs and a loss by the division leading Denver Broncos, the San Diego Chargers’ playoffs hopes are still alive. Did you see how cold it was in Kansas City? The Chargers almost froze their Rod’s and Blagojevich’s off.

Neither one is good

The Nebraska Butt Bandit, a vandal who smeared Vasoline on his naked butt and pressed it against windows, is going to jail for over a year. If there are two things you don’t want known about you in jail it’s that you’re called the Butt Bandit and you like Vasoline on your butt.

Uh, no Jessica, oh forget it

In a win over the New York Giants, Dallas Cowboy QB Tony Romo suffered a severe contusion to his lower back causing a possible hematoma, a huge bruise. When Romo’s girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, heard Romo had a hematoma, she said, “I thought he had a Mitsubishi?”

Local St. James sports stuff

The San Diego Padres have to be sold to help settle the owner, John Moore's, divorce. I never thought I'd say this, but why couldn't Moore have been married to Madonna?

The divorce got ugly when they were splitting the CDs and they both insisted the other take the Celine Dion albums.

Tiger Woods's caddie, Steve Williams insulted San Diegan Phil Michelson by falsely referencing about Phil a story of a fan shouting about man-boobs to Colin Montgomery. Which is ironic because Steve Williams is now the biggest boob of all.

Tiger Woods’s caddie, Steve Williams, insulted San Diegan Phil Michelson. Phil took the high road and did not point out that this Williams guy is not a teenager who carries somebody else’s golf clubs for a living. Apparently Williams couldn’t hack the newspaper paper route.

In fairness to the boorish and big-mouthed Williams, he is the caddie of the best player in the world. Which is like being the car washer to the stars.

Since you asked:

On the way up to the big soccer tournament, Virg asked Ann Caroline what she wanted Santa to bring her - I think she is just playing along on this Santa thing at this point - and she said she wanted a Razor scooter, skinny jeans and pencils that give off a nice smell. 

When Virg made the parental rookie mistake of asking "Is that all?" my brain went back to fifth grade when your job is to score as many presents as possible, so I would have had more requests at the ready until my folks called no joy.

What did Ann Caroline say when Virg asked; "Is that all?"

"Yes, that's it."

Time to look into the DNA test again to see if it is my kid. 

Couldn't sleep last night so I got up and watched Woody Allen's "Love and Death." I think that was one of Woody's last movies that was funny. Somebody really should go back and remake Woody's more recent movies into comedies. 

"Love and Death" is good. It overdoes the Marx Brothers routines and the "Immorality is subjective." "Subjectivity is Objective" existential verbal masturbation goes on and on, but it had some great lines. And, as Woody himself said in another one of his still funny movies, "Annie Hall" don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love." 

Great lines from "Love and Death"

When Diane Keaton's character suggests killing Napolean, Woody's character says;

"Have you been drinking from the Village Idiot's glass?"

Woody's character looks at his bloody gunshot wound and asks;

"Will this come out or is it like gravy?"

When Woody's character's lover compliments his love making skills he says;

"Thanks, I practice a lot when I am alone."

 Keaton's character asks the newly dead Woody Allen character;

"What's death like?"

"You know the chicken at Trotsky's?"


"It's worse."

Keaton's character:

No, sex without love is a shallow experience."

Woody's character;

"Yes, but as shallow experiences go it's one of the best."

Monday, December 15, 2008

They best get correct or they will righteously wreck, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Don’t flood the bailout

The auto bailout stalled in the Senate. Yeah, the Senate had to take it in the shop and drive a rental bailout.

Of course the auto presidents are trying to put their spin on it, they say the bailout didn’t stall, like the cars they make, it just experienced a temporary forward progression delay.

How cold is it?

It is cold back in the Midwest. It was so cold in Chicago, Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich crawled inside of that bear pelt on his head.

Quite a list

Sadly, Betty Page passed away at 85. Page was ahead of her time modeling in lingerie for girl-on-girl bondage and S&M. Lingerie models, girl-on-girl bondage and S&M? Add some beer and pork rinds and most guys would call that a pretty good day.

Since you asked:

Believe me, as a soccer dad, I know there is nothing more obnoxious than a parent of a kid playing sports bragging about their kid. So I’m not going to tell you that Ann Caroline’s Under 10 girls team, Carmel Valley Manchester, won the prestigious Orange County Tournament of Champions this weekend.

And that A.C. scored what a few who know more about soccer than I do have described as a great goal on a breakaway, she dribbled down the left side, faked out the defender to the right and drilled it into the upper right corner of the goal. So don’t worry about that happening.

The finals were beautiful, they started at four on Sunday and the two teams battled to a 1-1 tie. And then, with the sunset on fire, the field lights went on, they went into overtime and our girls hammered in four goals, three in the first three minutes.

And my band had a really good gig at the Mira Mesa Inn on Saturday night. Not bad.

Just saw a documentary "Festival Express" which follows a 1970 stadium rock tour with The Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, Buddy Guy, The Band, the Flying Burrito Brothers among others on a boozy train tour through Canada. 

Now the shows looked great and sounded great. Especially the Flying Burrito Brothers and The Band and Buddy Guy.  

But there was a scene of a jam session at the back of a passenger car, and, granted, the players were well high on booze and whatever else, but it is awesome to know that my band Saturday night sounded ten times better than a jam session comprised of Jerry Garcia, Janis Joplin and a guy from The Band, all of whom are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. No lie, there are places where you would get shot for sounding as awful as they did.  Painful screeching and spastic off- key strumming best describes it. 

As much as I love it, as much as I bought it, as much as I believe it was a magic time for music, I now have to admit there were some wildly over-rated bands in the Seventies.