Saturday, April 22, 2006

It is hard out here

Saturday Morning Caffeine Fueled Rant
The key to sports –from little girls playing soccer to the NFL - is keeping them a game, in other words, keeping them fun. Does that mean you don’t take it seriously? Hell no. The key thing to remember is that winning is much more fun than losing and that can take hard work because the other side wants to win too. There is a difference between hard work and labor. That is the problem with professional sports. Rarely is it a game, it’s usually just manual labor.

In the NBA and M.L.B. the seasons are too long so there is a basic survival need to treat games like a business. If you try and get up and excited and go full speed for 162 games of baseball, you are going to burn-out or get hurt. You want to talk about treating an entire season like a business? Look at the Los Angeles Lakers. They don’t even get a little excited until the playoffs. The playoffs are the first time the Lakers play it like it is a game.

Fans can afford to go crazy and live and die with each game, the players cannot. If you are the person who knows all the unwritten rules with the perfectly marked scorecard, bless your heart. You are also the person who insists on keeping score during bowling and I love you for that. I just ain’t that guy.

One of the best kept lies and secrets in the world is the number of people out there who truly love their job. Almost everybody says that they love their job but very few actually do. As I have stated before, there is a straight male porn star out there who, one day, woke up and said,

“If I have to get bl*wn by another beautiful woman I am going to go postal. I’m calling in sick.”

My point is, even if you are one of the chosen lucky few who really do love your job, there are days when you would much rather be sipping an umbrella drink while getting a massage and watching “Alf” reruns, not that there are any “Alf” reruns, gahdammit. That goes for Major League Baseball players.

At some point the sheer joy of knowing you have reached a lifelong dream and the buzz from the fancy clubhouses and the thrill of the chartered flights and the awe of first class hotel suites and the excited fans wears off and you have to get up and go to work. Whine about it and the press will jump so far up your tookus you will taste their styling gel. You’re being paid millions to play a sport most would play for free, right? True, but even they hate their jobs sometimes.

Since I have a new policy not to go a day without quoting them or referencing them, the Eagles have a line in “After the Thrill is Gone” and no, it isn’t the B.B. King “Thrill is Gone” version:

“What do you do when your dreams come true and it’s not quite like you planned?”

Glenn Frey said he knew it was time to quit being a member of a world famous band –what could be better than that, right? It combines being a pro athlete and a porno star - when Frey started to hate going to the studio more than he ever hated going to high school. Who cannot understand that? You have more money salted away then you could ever spend and you grow to despise what you do, if you don’t quit you are crazy.

Last night I saw the Chicago Cubs go from playing a game on a beautiful night in St. Louis to trudging out to go to work in one swing of Albert Pujols’s bat in the first inning.

What the hell? Even I, a guy who doesn’t know, nor does he want to know, a lot about the inside game of the strategy of baseball, that’s why they have announcers and color men, even I know that you do not let the other team’s star beat you. What the hell? A home run to Pujols in the first fricking inning? Sorry, fellow Cubbies fans, it is going to be one long ass season.

So now you ask, Lex, what do you feel about the NBA playoffs? To that I say, sorry, I drifted off to sleep between the B and the A. Could you repeat the question?

What I am trying to say – and believe or not, I am trying – is that I go goofy over sports stars, and rock stars and movie stars as much as anybody. The plain truth is, they are far from heroes, they are lucky stiffs who are paid a fortune to do the one thing on the planet they would do for free. And if, by some weird quirk, they do grow to hate what they do? They can quit the next day.

The real heroes are the millions of people out there who go to work every day even though they hate their jobs, but they still do their jobs and they do them well. Why? Because they are supporting their family and they are good people. Those are the people who rock stars, and the sports stars and movie stars are really performing for.

(Que: Five for Fighting “Superman.”)

(Polite applause)

Seriously, I have to start charging for these pearls.

All the good people here at a.l.B.b. would like to take a moment and wish happy birthday to that old boring broad, Queen Elizabeth. Talk about someone who isn’t a hero. So in her honor, as we are also honoring classic jokes, I would like to revive this classic.

Classic joke in honor of the Queen of England
An English version of “Password” debuted with a splash in England live on the BBC with no less a famous guest than Queen Elizabeth herself. The bad news? When it was time for the Queen to guess her word, the show’s computer was hacked and the word that appeared to the host - and the rest of the world - for the Queen to guess was, embarassingly, Horsec*ck.

The oblivious Queen began her questioning:

“Might it be something that one could put in their mouth?”

In a state of shock and not knowing what else to do, the stunned host replied;

“Well, um, yes, I suppose you could.”

The Queen ponders this with a Queenly rub of her chin and then asks;

“Might it be a horsec*ck?”

Friday, April 21, 2006

It is hard out here

We takin’ it slow and we goin’ down low, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Shame on him
The CIA fired one of its top officials for leaking classified documents to the press. They should can him, who does he think he is, the President?

An Online study came up with the ten most irritating things guys do during sex. I believe they’re called seconds.

What is the story with Kenny Roger’s face? He looks like the people in “The Ring” after they’ve seen the video.

What is the story with Kenny Roger’s face? It’s like he went to the plastic surgeon and said; “My wife is throwing me a surprise party, so make me look like I am really surprised.”

There is relief in Hollywood today because a high court ruled that vulgarity by TV writers in the work place is not sexual harassment; in a related story, my writing assistant, Susie, has a great ass.

There is relief in Hollywood today because a high court ruled that vulgarity by TV writers in the work place is not sexual harassment. In a related story, our writers said; “I’m not sure what harassment, but her boobs meant the world to me.” (rimshot)

There is relief in Hollywood today because a high court ruled that vulgarity by TV writers in the work place is not sexual harassment; in a related story, today he had to make a “Pants Mandatory” dress code for our writers.

A good start
Federal Immigration agents carried out the largest bust in U.S. history netting 1,187 illegal workers. Great, only 11,999,873 to go.

The raid was dubbed: Operation Drop of Water From the Ocean.

Federal Immigration agents had the largest bust in U.S. history netting 1,187 illegal workers. I don’t want to say the raid was futile, but all of the illegal immigrants they deported were back today only to find they had been replaced by five new illegal immigrants.

Gas pains
To give you an idea how high the price of gas is, today in New York, Donald Trump had to carpool to work with his ex-wives.

To give you an idea how expensive gas is, the low-budget Florida Marlins have announced they will go ahead and forfeit all of their away games.

Nothing new
The Chicago Cubs star slugger Derek Lee is out three months with a broken wrist; We Cubs fans may have to brace ourselves for a disappointing season. Luckily we’ve prepared our entire lives.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

It is hard out here

This just in:

Devout Scientologists Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby girl they named Suri, Suri, in Hebrew, means Princess, Suri in Persian means Red Rose, Suri in Japanese means Pickpocket, and Suri in Scientology means; “Help, my father is a freakin’ lunatic.”

It is hard out here

We on the down low with the slow go waitin’ for the oh no, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Just a joke
There is a controversy in Massachusetts elementary school over a children’s book that depicts two men in a gay marriage called “King and King.” Shouldn’t that be “Queen and Queen”?

Gay History, class of ‘69
There is a controversy in Massachusetts elementary school over a children’s book that depicts two men in a gay marriage called “King and King.” A lot of people still feel marriage should only exist for straight men. Kind of like how the ability to dance only exists for gay men.

Serious shake down
This White House overhaul is extensive. Today Barney the first dog resigned and was replaced with a Chia Pet.

I know, you saw this one coming
President Bush met with Chinese President Hu; it was a little awkward when President Bush told President Hu that he loved his “Who’s on First?” routine.

Too sexy for his Aflack duck
A Boston paper unveiled their list of the World’s 100 Unsexiest Men.Gilbert Gottried not only topped the list, he was one through ten.

Again with the who
There was an embarrassing moment when President Bush met the President of China, when they introduced Bush to President Hu, Bush said; “President who? Beats me, I thought y’all knew?”

Gay history and herstory
California is preparing a bill that would require students to study gay history; you know gay history, like how Ryan Seacrest says he’s not gay and that’s his story.

Gay history is a little different, if you do well you don’t get an A, you get a Heeeyyyy.

California is preparing a bill that would require students to study gay history; Gay history is a little different. For example, in Gay History the dark ages were the early seventies when we wore avocado-colored polyester leisure suits and white patent leather shoes.

California is preparing a bill that would require students to study gay history; Gay history is a little different. For example, in Gay History the age of enlightenment was George Michael came out of the closet.

Should have figured that out
Now that everybody is calling for Def Sec Rumsfeld to resign, what does President Bush do? He dumps just about everyone in his cabinet except Rumsfeld. If they really wanted to get rid of Rumsfeld, they should have told Bush they wanted him to say.

President Bush’s senior advisor, Karl Rove, had his role reduced in the White House overhaul; Rove’s nickname is Bush’s brain, so it only makes sense that Rove’s role should be small.

Thank goodness
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby. Thank goodness, because until Tom did this, nobody really understood what was going on with childbirth, so Tom can now explain everything to us. What a relief.

Kind of more of a question than a joke
You know who else was on the 100 Unsexiest list? Brad Pitt. How does it make the rest of us feel when one of the 100 Unsexiest men has nailed Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie. Where does that rank the rest of us?

Since you asked:
You want to fall back in love with your computer? Have the electricity go away for a few days. We are doing a remodel, which is nice, but a serious pain-in-the-ass. Pains-in-the-ass are bad enough when you are not paying a lot for them. The electricity has been off so much I think we have accidentally been converted Amish.

Call me Lexzekial.

Classic dirty joke
One of my favorite mildly dirty jokes which, I think, in a small way, helps illuminate the human condition, is about the A.A. meeting.

The counselor of the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting begins;

“It is vitally important that we establish an atmosphere of trust and brutal honesty. So to begin, I want you all to confess the worst thing you have ever done when you were drunk.”

The new guy is asked to go first and he just raises his palms apologetically and says;

“Nothing. Can’t think of anything I ever did drunk that was even remotely embarrassing. Sorry.”

They move on to the second guy, a veteran of these meetings, and he states flatly;

“I had sex with a live chicken.”

The new guy gasps and asks;

“Did your’s die too?”

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

It is hard out here

We aimin’ fo’ mo’ dramas than the Bahamas, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Britney’s baby Sean Preston Spears is recovering nicely after his fall. How the baby fell was an accident. His high chair toppled over when their home hit a speed bump.

Make the Clint Eastwood “High Plains Drifter” sound
President Bush proclaimed that, when it came to Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation, he was the decider. Unfortunately, Bush went on to add “I’m the decider and I’m feelin’ real decidery.”

Yeah, that too
A Swedish study claims that silicone breast implants are safe for women; plus the implants are really good for men’s eyesight and manual dexterity.

Titanic deck chair arranging
White House press secretary Scott McCLellan resigned; this is the political equivalent of the New York Knicks firing their score keeper.

Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
It was a little awkward when President Bush was told of his low approval rating; Bush suggested he should travel to the country of Approval and meet with the Approvalian people.

Clear as mud
President Bush did not rule out a nuclear attack on Iran if they continue their nuclear development. In other words, to punish Iran for wanting nuclear bombs we would hit them with nuclear bombs. That’s like punishing someone for drunk driving by making them chug whisky.

The TomKitten
Congratulations to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby girl they named Suri; Suri in Japanese means a pickpocket. Suri in American means: therapy for life.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby girl they named Suri; Tom named his daughter Suri, as in the Oklahoma musical number “Surrey with the Fringe on Top” Oh yeah, that should put an end to all the gay rumors.

Tough one to spot
Sean Preston Spears is doing well after hitting his head in a fall. The good news is there was no brain damage which was really hard to diagnose because, well, Britney and K-Fed are the parents.

“The Aristocrats” is out on DVD featuring one hundred different comedians telling the world’s nastiest dirty joke; the amazing thing is that only one of the jokes referred to Monica Lewinski.

Bright future in comedy
Following an incident where a fan threw an enlarged syringe at Barry Bonds, a fan threw a huge ointment tube labeled “To: Barry Bonds. The Cream From: Victor.” If baseball doesn’t work out, Bonds can always open for Carrot Top as a prop comic.

How shaky was it?
The San Francisco earthquake was 100 years ago yesterday. To give you an idea how violent it was, that earth quake actually shook two straight cowboys on top of each other.

Who knew G-Bushy rapped?
President Bush proclaimed that, when it came to Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation, he was the decider. It was really bizarre, then President Bush broke into a rap song;

Check it, I said I was a uniter, not a divider
When it comes to Rummy, I’m the insider decider
I’m a provider not a derider and a bad bike rider
Word up, yo. Peace, y’all, POTUS out for shizzle.

This begs the question, what would Bush’s rap name be? G-Bushy, of course.

That figures
A University of Chicago study reveals Austria ranks the highest in sexual satisfaction after age 40. But Austria’s ranking is much lower when they don’t count Arnold Schwarzenegger.

A University of Chicago study reveals Austria ranks the highest in sexual satisfaction after age 40. It was a little awkward when President Bush was told of Austria’s high sexual satisfaction rating, he said; “Must be all that Kangaroo meat they eat.”

Since you asked;

As some of you know, every now and again we let loose the hounds and shake up some controversy – or throw down with the ‘versy as my peeps say, if I had peeps – in this blog. It’s like fat Clemenza said in “The Godfather” about Mafia wars. It has to happen now and again. OK, get ready:

Sleeping is fun.

No, I stand by that, don’t try and change my mind. Here is what I like about sleeping. What I love is that all too brief transition period right in between Waking Guy and Sleeping Guy.

If you’re really tired, and I mean a good kind of tired from working hard and working out, once you’ve finally settled into a position that feels good (and guys, you know what adjustments I am talking about. The boys need to be put to bed too) the settling in is usually marked by a loud sigh when you hit the good spot and you get ready to fall asleep.

Now what happens is your brain starts to unwind and you think about stuff like, “Man, what a day. I got that thing to still do, oops, I split an infinitive, but I’m not going to think about it now. Should I workout tomorrow? Worked out hard today. Love that new iPod playlist”

Now your brain is drifting from you being in control, to the brain being in control, i.e. sleep. Before you know it odd things start popping into your head, like;

“Wonder what Debbie Falcon is doing? Wow, I haven’t thought of her in years. She was pretty, though. What a wild name to grow up with, Falcon. Wonder if she was Indian? You know, feather, not dot. Debbie Big Bird. Hah. Debbie Eagle.”
Now the Sleeping guy is slowly, covertly, gaining control from waking guy like a pickpocket gently lifting out a wallet.

“Hey, what is that Eagle doing sitting on that table over there? And why am I suddenly in a bar? What the hell? Isn’t that Don Felder of the Eagles over there too? Wow. An Eagle and a real Eagle. And why is Don Felder talking to Debbie Falcon? ”

Now you have passed brain control over to Sleeping Guy. But that wonderful transition, that first slipping into that whacky, whacky town of Snoozeville, that is what is fun.

What is the deal with me having Eagles on the brain lately? Must be some faze. Get it? Instead of phase? Oh, I kill me. I got the Mercedes Bends.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

It is hard out here

Did you hear the one about the hear the one about, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Feline freedom
After two weeks, Molly the Cat was finally freed from the wall of a New York Deli. Now if New Yorkers could only free all the cats trapped in the Chinese food’s Kung Pao Chicken.

Lyrical lines
A line from U2’s “One” was voted best music lyric. And the worst music lyric was the Country Music song; “My High School Teacher Dumped Me for A Younger Dude.”

The worst lyrics were from the Country song; “Does This Look Infected to You?”

The worst lyrics were from the Country song; “When you left it made me cry . . . when I pee.”

Kenyan runners swept the Boston Marathon. In equally shocking sports news, tbe New York Knicks stink.

So sad, not really
In an attempt to save the life of 9-11 terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui’s lawyers claimed Moussaoui’s father didn’t love him. That would be really sad except that it really isn’t.  

In an attempt to save the life of 9-11 terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui’s lawyers claimed Moussaoui’s father didn’t love him. So it’s clear that Moussaoui’s father was at least a good judge of character.

After getting sick to his stomach, New York Knicks coach Larry Brown has missed three games in a row; and the Knicks offense that made Brown sick has missed five games in a row.

In psychosis, nobody hears you scream
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes upcoming birth has brought up that Scientologist’s believe in a silent birth. Katie Holmes will try and stay quiet now matter how much she wants to scream. And that’s just from putting up with Tom, childbirth will be another reason to scream.  

Working title
“The Aristocrats” is out on DVD. One hundred different comedians telling the world’s filthiest dirty joke; the working title of the movie was; “The Paris Hilton Story.”

Since you asked:
Finally saw “The Aristocrats” before they took my comedy card away. It was great. Yes it was hilarious – nobody will ever look at a “Full House” rerun or Bob Saget the same way – but what I loved were the analysis by the comedy writers and comedians. It is obvious you don’t become big in comedy without loving to study and analyze comedy.

The three things that stuck out for me – besides the near heroic performance by Gilbert Godfrey telling the joke at a New York roast soon after September 11th – was the Robin Williams piano joke: “Do I know it? I wrote it.” Believe it or not, Carrot Top had a great bit.

Also Wendy Liebman’s dead-panned delivery on her reverse take on the joke. But the best part for me was Billy the Mime acting out in public the most disgusting joke in the world. It wasn’t just the Mime that was so funny – he was - but the reaction of the people walking by. You could see them thinking; “Oh, look at the cute Mime . . . what the fu . . . .?”

The best lesson about “The Aristocrats” is the way it illuminates the power of freedom of speech at a time of heightened sensitivity and political correctness. If all the overly-entitled pains-in-the-ass got together and saw “The Aristocrats” they would pass out from getting offended at the racist remarks, the incest jokes, the child molestation jokes, not to mention the potty humor. But no matter how bad all of those got – and believe me, they got bad- they weren’t the point at all. Not even close. They were just a romping build up to heighten the stupidity and the corniness of the punch line.  

The joke in “The Aristocrats” reminds me of one of my favorite jokes of all time:

A mailman is delivering mail at Christmas time and he is invited in to the house by a very attractive housewife wearing a sexy negligee.

“Come on in, I baked you a cake” the woman cheerfully said.

Thinking it was odd that a woman who has never spoken to him before would be so kind, the mailman sat down in her kitchen and ate his piece of cake, thanked her and got up to leave.

“No wait,” the woman said, “there’s more. Follow me to the bedroom.”

In shock the mailman followed the woman to her bedroom where she promptly threw herself at the mailman and they had wild mailman /housewife sex. Exhausted and disheveled the postman thanked the woman profusely but hurried to dress and leave.

“Not so fast” the woman said, “go get my purse, I am going to give you a dollar.”

“OK, that’s it. Lady, I don’t get it” said the confused mailman, “I’ve never said a word to you, you bake me a cake, we have sex and now you’re giving me a dollar. What the hell is going on?”

The woman veritably chirped the explanation;

“Well, last night I asked my husband, ‘What should we do for the mailman for Christmas?’ He said; ‘F*ck him, give him a buck.’

She beamed with pride and added;

“The cake was my idea.”

See, if I may dissect and kill the comedy frog for a second, F*ck him, give him a buck is funny. But the scorcher is the cake. The cake is comedy.

Monday, April 17, 2006

It is hard out here

We getting’ all kinds of funky wit’ that monkey, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bad egg
Terry Bradshaw was on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” Terry Bradshaw had a rough Easter. The Easter bunny accidentally colored and hid Terry’s head.

Happy Hunting
The White House annual Easter Egg hunt was Saturday. Vice President Dick Cheney got in the spirit and shot some Marshmallow Peeps.

It’s getting bad for Def. Sec. Donald Rumsfeld; today at a Chinese restaurant in Washington DC, General Tso’s chicken demanded Rumsfeld’s resignation.

Seven Generals have demanded the resignation of Def Sec. Donald Rumsfeld. And five Generals demanded the resignation of Sharon Stone from “Basic Instinct 2.”

Makes sense
In Cleveland, New York Knicks coach Larry Brown was hospitalized last Thursday after getting sick to his stomach during a game. Brown is fine now. The doctors said the reason Brown was sick to his stomach is because he has to coach the New York Knicks.

Takes time
According to a new study, 30% of women are sexually unsatisfied. Upon hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Be patient girls, I can’t get to everyone at once.”

I try this one every year and it never works
There was one embarrassing moment during the White House Easter egg hunt. One child found a chocolate bunny on the lawn, but when the staff realized they didn’t hide any chocolate bunnies, they had to get Barney the first dog the hell out of there.

Not good
How bad are the New York Knicks? Today President Bush announced the Knicks have his full support.

Boredom Beacon
Researchers at MIT are developing a device that can detect boredom in a listener. They would have had the boredom detector finished by now, but when they tested it on Al Gore it exploded.

The device detects signs of boredom like roving eyes, fidgeting, yawning, and repeating the phrase; “That’s really interesting Regis.”

Researchers at MIT are developing a device that can detect boredom in a listener. Don’t we have that? It’s called a Kenny G CD.

Rummy to the end
Eight retired Generals stated that Donald Rumsfeld was arrogant and ignored their advice; to which Rumsfeld said; “Who cares what that worthless bunch of Nancy boys think?”

Who could imagine such a thing?
Rumor has it that Lindsay Lohan picked a fight with Jessica Simpson at an L.A. hot spot. That is crazy, I mean, can you imagine Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson in a real cat fight? (Beat) Oh, sorry, got lost there for a second. What were we talking about? Bush? Err, President Bush?

Since you asked;

Did you know that, when the Eagles were first signed by David Geffen to tune up and play a month long gig in Aspen at the Gallery Club, they were Teen King and the Emergencies? No lie. Teen King was one of Glenn Frey’s many nicknames along with Raccoon (when hung-over he had dark circles under his eyes) and Roach.

The Eagles Aspen gig is like the people who claim they were at Woodstock: the number of attendees grows bigger each year. Not only weren’t they called the Eagles, but they played mostly rock and blues covers. This is no lie, however, I saw the Eagles last real concert – before the reunions and the canning of Don Felder – at Long Beach in 1980. It was a funky night. It was a benefit for Senator Alan Cranston but when Frey tried to talk about politics the crowd booed and Frey got furious. That might have led to the famous backstage fight between Frey and Felder where a Gibson was smashed to pieces and the band broke up for good.

And for “The Long Run” they had David Sanborn on Sax but he didn’t come out for a few minutes and Frey just stood there fuming.

The first Eagles concert I saw was at Arlington race track in Chicago in 1974 (‘twas just a wee young laddie) We got there late and missed Linda Ronstadt and Jackson Browne. Some a-hole threw a smoke bomb on stage and Frey picked it up and burned his hand. Being the trooper he is, Frey finished the concert but he kept screaming at somebody in the front row. Very weird crowd vibe when the band spokesperson is that pissed off at the crowd.

Frey went three for three at yelling at someone in front the next time I saw the Eagles at a stadium concert at the old Comisky Park in the spring of 1976. Pablo Cruise and Steve Miller went first – Miller was touring with them to pay off a copyright judgment against him that he ripped the Eagles melody from “Take It Easy” for the “Big Ol’ Jet Airliner”

The best Eagles concert I ever saw was their introduction to “Hotel California in the Fall of 1976 at the Forum in Los Angeles. It was memorable because I heard “Hotel California” for the first time – I didn’t like it if you can believe that, because I didn’t recognize it – and for the fact that the entire Los Angeles Philharmonic was in bleachers in back of the Eagles for the orchestral fills.* They still had Randy Meisner – no offense to the awesome Timothy B. Schmidt – and he sang the amazing “Take it to the Limit” and Joe Walsh had just joined, but, as I was an Eagles purist, I had not warmed to him yet. That was the first time I heard them sing “Seven Bridges Road” and it didn’t come out on an album until “Eagles Live” after they broke up.

In total counting their reunion tours I guess I have seen the Eagles eight times not including solo concerts of Don Henley and Randy Meisner and Joe Walsh.

How many Eagles have I met? Three. Joe Walsh at a Jackson Brown “No Nukes” benefit at Santa Barbara – he was nice but higher than Joe Montana in “Scarface”- and Randy Meisner when he was touring with an all star band at a small club in New York in 1984. The third is Frey but I didn’t really meet him as much as I stalked him – and his gorgeous wife – at a celebrity golf tournament in Palm Desert. Once again, he got mad and yelled at a Marshall who picked his ball.

*When you listen to “Wasted Time” on “Eagles Live” you can hear us – the crowd – go wild when they raise the Hotel California backdrop to reveal the several hundred black tie and black gowned orchestra members behind the band.

Check this out, pretty cool