We got a load of righteous beat down to drop, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
You wouldn’t believe what they found during President Bush’s colonoscopy: the weapons of mass destruction.Cost efficient
President Bush’s colonoscopy was cost efficient, while they were in there, they also did a brain scan. Both tests were negative.Get it?
The five polyps removed during President Bush’s colonoscopy were benign, which is a coincidence because Bush’s approval rating will soon be nine.Ground breaking
Sadly, Tammy Faye Baker passed away. Her passing did cause a bit of undertaking history. It was the first time the mortician had to take makeup away.Ouch
Drew Carey is going to host “The Price is Right.” The negotiations were tough. Carey has to agree to get neutered.Gof, without the L
After missing a putt to finish second in the British Open, Spaniard Sergio Garcia said he plays golf thinking and talking in English, not Spanish. Unfortunately he played on Sunday like he is Finnish.More trouble for Vick
The NFL commissioner has banned Michael Vick from the Atlanta Falcons training camp for his dog fighting indictments. More bad news for Vick. It turns out some of the dogs tested positive for steroids.Grow up
Hillary Clinton called Barack Obama irresponsible and naïve. And Barack accused Hillary of fabricating a controversy. And then Hillary said “I know you are, but what am I?” And Barack said Hillary had cooties times infinity. To which Hillary countered with infinity plus oneSniff
In the battle of the train wreck stars, it seems to be Lindsay Lohan ahead of Andy Dick, Britney Spears, Paula Abdul and David Hasselhof . How far ahead? Due to the cocaine they found, Lindsay is leading by a nose.Since you asked:
Since you asked:
This blog is now an official piece of evidence in the upcoming trial of the case of my wife, Virginia, trying to “Gaslight” me.
For those not familiar with that term, the 1944 awesome movie “Gaslight” featured a diabolical Charles Boyer attempting to get rid of his wife, Ingrid Bergman, by slowly driving her insane. The gaslight was one of the key items he used. After she had turned it on, he would turn it off and tell her he didn’t touch it and vice versa.
Last night, we had tickets to see John Hiatt perform at “Humphrey’s By the Bay” in the wonderful combining of one of my favorite artists performing at one of my favorite venues. For a concert to get any better it would have to be Eric Clapton playing at Santa Barbara’s County Bowl and that is not going to happen. And if it did, I would be dead because I would have somebody shoot me afterwards.
So needless to say, I was excited about the John Hiatt show. (If you haven’t seen Hiatt, you should. If you don’t have one of his CDs, you should get it) What we do is meet friends on the grass in front of Humphrey’s right on San Diego Bay and eat dinner and drink wine and listen to the artist we are about to see on my iPod docking port portable speakers. It is really a great time.
To show how excited I was, I packed Virg’s Caesar salad and my roast beef sandwich and the wine hours before hand and had the nylon box cooler with wheels and a handle all ready to go with the cool Martha Stewart-ish roll up table and the beach chairs. Not to mention I made an iPod playlist of my favorite John Hiatt tunes. Virg got the tickets from our friend who waited in line all night to buy a large of tickets for a bunch of shows. (We are also going to see Huey Lewis and the News among others)
Now, I am not going to bring up that Virg was her usual thirty minutes late and she took an extra 15 minutes to get ready so we were already 45 minutes late. There we are, one exit from the exit we need to get there, Rosecrans, after fighting rush hour traffic all the way South on I5 from La Jolla through Pacific Beach for forty minutes, when Virg suddenly says;
“I forgot the tickets.”
Remember the boss police chief that Inspector Clouseau drove insane in “Shot in the Dark”? That was me at that moment. That or Dennis Leary dealing with his ex in “Rescue Me”.
Oh, you think I am kidding that my wife is trying to “Gaslight” me?
How about we flash back to the Albion Cup soccer tournament a couple of weeks ago. Now, I am not bringing this up simply so I can brag that Ann Caroline scored the winning goal in the championship Girls Under 9 Showcase (the best) bracket. No, I am bringing this up to say that I promised one of the girls on her team, Marissa, and her brother, Eric, a real and good harmonica after seeing them playing a piece of junk, plastic and tin one in their car.
These were from my extensive harmonica collection. Whenever I visit a new town I try to sneak into a great music store or an antique store- no, I am still not gay, not that there is a thing wrong with it – to find a cool, vintage harmonica. So I find an extra House of Blues key of C harmonica and a real good condition Lee Oscar harmonica in A to give them. (C and A are the two most common played keys as they correspond with G and E, the two most common guitar tunings).
So when I climb into the van, Saturday, to carpool with our friends, the Meyers, their daughter being Hannah or Dynamo as she is called in soccer, a perfect descriptive nickname because she is all over that field, I put the harmonicas in the van. Well, I forget them and leave them in the van for the first game. No problem, I will give the harmonicas to the brother and sister before the second game. Suddenly, after the first game, I climb in the van and the harmonicas aren’t in the van.
Must have left them at home was my thought, as the van had not been burgled. When we come home after the second game, I search the house. No harmonicas. The next morning before the Sunday games, I ask the Meyers if they are somewhere in their van. No harmonicas. This searching for and asking the Meyers goes on for two weeks. At this point, after suspecting our very good friends of playing a cruel joke on me to hide my harmonicas to surprise me with them later, like on my birthday, I am pretty sure I am losing my mind. Where could the harmonicas be?
After I tell our friends an abbreviated version of this last night while sipping wine after we flew home and fought traffic three times before the concert, Virg says, as flatly as you please;
“Oh, I put those harmonicas in your glove compartment.”
Huh? Wha? Virg claims, while driving back from the tournament on Saturday, I gave the harmonicas to her and told her I didn’t want to lose them. No. Why would I keep looking for something she told me she had? But that continues to be her story.
Virg said she told me she had them, but that I probably didn’t hear her. Or something like that, I wasn’t really listening.
No, Slats and Nugs, I am being gaslighted, and you are now witnesses.
Now, what was that other thing I was going to write about?