Like Paris’ lovers, I got a million of them
*You know the difference between Paris Hilton and Paris, France? Not everybody has been in Paris France.
You know the difference between a Hilton Hotel and Paris Hilton? You have to pay to get into bed at a Hilton Hotel.
*I couldn’t find the Paris Hilton video. The best I could do was find a sleazy knock-off; instead of the Paris Hilton it was the Trenton Redroof video.
See if you can spot them
*Movie goers claim they have spotted 22 errors in the latest Matrix movie. The biggest error? Making another Matrix movie.
*Los Angeles Dodger’s relief pitcher Eric Gagne won the Cy Young award for being the best pitcher in the National League. Gagne’s long scraggily goatee also won the Cy Sperling Award for the ugliest patch of hair.
No Rush for rush
*Rush Limbaugh is out of rehab. He’s clean, he’s rested, he’s every bit as full-of-crap as ever.
Rush said that the best part of being clean and sober is that he has a new-found clarity of his hatred of Hillary Clinton.
Yuck and more yuck
*A woman in California found a condom in her clam chowder. She should have known when they asked if she wanted her chowder Manhattan, New England or Bill Clinton style.
Not a problem
*Prince Charles is battling allegations that he had a homosexual affair. It has been so distracting for Prince Charles, he probably wouldn’t be able to perform his job. Luckily he doesn’t have one.
*It really rained yesterday. I was wetter than Rosie O’Donnell watching the Paris Hilton video.
Wasting wasted time
*There was a forty-hour filibuster debate in the Senate. Or as Ted Kennedy called it, two missed Happy Hours.
Rick Soloman is suing Paris Hilton for defamation over the explicit sex video circulating the Internet. Can you blame him? That poor guy. Now everyone knows he had sex with a hot rich girl. How will he ever recover? What a tool.