Saturday, September 10, 2011

Did this with a 5 pound weight taped to the bottom of the paddle for 20 minutes. Including military presses and curls with a 20 pound dumbbell. And a two minute plank. Great workout.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Now I understand, Steve Irwin

Do that J-Street shuffle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

At the Republican debate, the candidates spoke against government mandates; is it just me, or does Michele Bachmann look like she recently thought mandates were what gay men went on?

Is it just me, or do Mitt Romney and Rick Perry look like the good-looking older gay couple on a mandate?

Is it just me or do Mitt Romney and Rick Perry look like the finalists for the modeling job for “Just for Men” hair coloring box?

Is it just me, or do Mitt Romney and Rick Perry look like the good-looking gay couple on a ski vacation in Aspen enjoying some champagne in the hot tub?

After an STD outbreak, all Los Angeles area porn shoots have been shut down. The porn industry has been hit so hard financially they asked for a Federal bail out. But congress thought they would just blow the money.

It was hot this week. I was sweating like Ashley the Nanny getting screamed at by Kate Gosselin for giving Steve the bodyguard’s pizza to her children.

On the last “Kate Plus 8”, Kate Gosselin screamed at her nanny, Ashley, for giving the last slice of pizza to her children instead of Steve her bodyguard. Ashley then quit. Experts feel this incident may hinder Kate’s chance of winning “Mother of the Year.”

In Sweden, a drunken moose got stuck in an apple tree and had to be freed. Apparently moose get drunk from eating fermented apples. This finally explains how Bullwinkle ended up as a life partner with a squirrel named Rocky.

A study claims women who drink moderately are healthier than women who don’t drink; by moderately, a woman can tell she has drank too much when she’s watching the Republican debate and says; “That Newt Gingrich is a sexy man.”

After an STD outbreak, all Los Angeles area porn shoots have been shut down. Poor Paris Hilton, first her reality show gets cancelled and now this.

Maine is changing all places named Squaw because Native Americans claim Squaw is an offensive name for female genitalia. So book your reservations now to stay at beautiful Who-Hah Lake.

In San Diego, a guy in a Gumby costume tried to rob a convenience store, but was ignored; that is sad, Gumby is robbing stores. And, sadly, to nobody’s surprise, Pokey is turning tricks.

Since you asked:

Interesting last day. Yesterday at 3:38 PM, the power went out in all of San Diego. Did not come back until 1:18 AM. We made the most of it: lit candles, grilled food on the gas grill, read Susan Casey’s “The Wave” by book light. It was the hottest night of the year, but we slept downstairs and it was cooler.

So early in the morning, I decide to reward myself with a SUP surf session. Got up early, made coffee, ate a banana, I was in the water at La Jolla Shores at 7:10.

Out of the water at 7:15 after getting stung in the foot by a stingray.

Stung isn’t the right word, stabbed is more like it. The pain was indescribable. OK, I’ll try to describe it anyway. Like somebody heated up a nine inch nail over a hot fire, then stuck it in your foot and wiggled it around.

For three hours.

Drove myself to urgent care because I was sure there was something seriously wrong, like a snapped bone, torn cartilage or the barb was in it. Nope, they took X-Rays, it is just that the venom from a stingray is so painful, it is amazing.

Soaked it in hot water, the hotter the water, the better my foot felt.

The wound on the inside of my left foot is still seeping blood and poison. The top of my foot looks like a horse stepped on it, swollen and purple and red.

Tonight? Grilled steak, tater tots, San Diego Sunsets, Mount Gay Rum and coconut water and lime, Percocet and a recorded Padres game, thanks for asking.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Why would I wanna drink? I'm a godd@amn Peach, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

"Are you ready for some football?"

(The proceeding question is considered rhetorical in Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Oakland and the general area of Carolina)

Is it just me or do Mitt Romney and Rick Perry look like the older gay couple on a ski vacation in Aspen enjoying champagne in the hot tub?

In Sweden moose are getting drunk eating fermented apples. Drunken moose does explain why Bullwinkle had a squirrel named Rocky as a lifepartner.

In San Diego, a man in a Gumby costume tried to rob a store. And, predictably, Pokey is now turning tricks.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

In the last "Kate Plus 8" we learned that crazy bitch, Kate Gosselin, has a bodyguard. After having eight kids, she doesn't need a bodyguard, she needs a doorman.

A sperm donor in Washington has fathered 150 kids. He had to retire when he blew out his elbow.

BILLY CRYSTAL ON MIRACLE MAX from The Princess Bride Blu Ray extras

"Eww, hew, hew, look who knows so much . . ."

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Vanina Walsh surfing on her stand up paddle board

So nice good I had to put this up again.

We takin' it down, we takin' it down to Fish Taco Town, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A New Mexico State Trooper was caught on camera having sex with a woman on the hood of a car. He claims he was just drilling her on the penal code.

The officer claims it was just a case of really thorough frisking.

Nice try, officer, but nobody is buying your story of trying to help her buff the hood of her car

Last week, San Diego closed a two-mile stretch of Mission Beach due to a great white shark sighting. Turns out the shark was just visiting, he practices entertainment law in Century City.

Is it just me or do President Barack Obama and Speaker John Boehner resemble the older bickering gay couple arguing over which was a better musical, “Singing in the Rain” or “West Side Story”?

The Daily Beast ranked the least rigorous colleges and USC was near the top. To give you an idea how easy USC is, remember a year ago those two students caught having sex on the rooftop? That act qualified them to graduate with dual degrees in sex education and outdoor recreation.

Oxygen is cancelling “The World According to Paris.” Paris’s Q rating – which ranks celebrity marketability to advertisers – is actually a negative number. Which means Paris’s Q score is even lower than Paris’s IQ score. Hard to believe.

Since you asked:
Both proud and slightly ashamed to say, after a weekend full of high wave warnings and closed beaches due to shark sightings, I got in the ocean this Labor Day weekend at La Jolla Shores. The waves had died down to four to five footers, but the water was really cold, and I did not know that. It was 58, and I had no wetsuit. Plus it was really choppy. Man, it was a work out.

Note to self: when there are no other stand up paddle boarders out, there is definitely a good reason. After about 40 minutes it started to rain and I officially called “No joy” and came in. As I consider each session at least an hour-long work out, I decided to go crazy and run for an additional 20 minutes.

Three nice picnics/parties this weekend. Cubs had a good win against the Reds.

Go, Cubs, go, go Cubs go
Hey, Chicago, whadya say?
The Cubs are gonna win today.

When did so many hot, hot, hot babes start going to Cubs games?